This is allegedly something many men have gone through, and I’m curious about your experiences and lessons. What was great? What was tough? What worked, or didn’t? What do you wish you knew going into this, and what learnings did you come out with? How did this phase end?

46 comments

  3. Yes, for a few months. I’m an average looking guy so my personality had to do some heavy lifting, but it was a really fun distraction for a while until I realized I’d much rather be at home with someone on a Thursday night instead of endlessly scrolling through dating apps waiting for someone to match with me. It lasted just as long as it needed to and I got everything I wanted out of it.

  4. Yeah definitely. Was fun and didn’t make me feel “empty inside” because I went into this phase not looking for anything deep. I learned how important (to me) sexual chemistry is and wish more people understood stuff like that.

  5. Definitely had a whore phase. It was fun.

    Normally I would be at a party or out at a bar. A woman would express interest in me. I would tell her exactly what I wanted, and she would either hang around or move along.

    Nothing was really tough about it.

    What worked, what didn’t? It wasn’t a real choice I made. I had no plan other than to have fun. Getting laid was an objective but not the main goal. I wasn’t going to ruin a good time pursuing women just to strike out.

    Phase ended because I met my Wife.

  8. Still in it, enjoying it. I think the important thing is to maintain a healthy balance with friend time, it can’t be your only social interactions

  9. From my late teens to mid 20s. It was fun, but I was very reckless and irresponsible with my life choices at that time, and my promiscuity was a part of all that. And like a lot of foolish choices I made, I didn’t practice safe sex either and wound up going to the free clinic a few times. It’s a minor miracle I didn’t knock anyone up because I was not fit for parenthood back then. Looking back on it, I can hardly remember most encounters because I was fucked up on a daily basis.

    Then I met who became my first wife and my perspective on sex changed quite a bit. I am single now but last thing I want to do is mindlessly chase skirts. BTDT and not interested. Making a real connection, to me, is much more rare and meaningful experience and when you have tasted that there is really no going back IMO.

  11. Sometimes I wish I had. Alas, a combination of unearned arrogance, religious indoctrination, and social ineptitude, and possibly my increasing weight prevented me from doing so. Then I met my wife and we got together in my 3rd years, so the rest is history.

  12. It was okay, I had some funny stories, some weird ones and some sad ones.

    I learned a lot about myself during that time and it got my confidence up in a time it was in an all time low.

    I enjoy a relationship much more

  13. Yes I went on a trampage 20ish years ago. It was fun and exciting mixed with some real “WTF was I thinking moments”.

  15. 27-31 I discovered escorts, and it’s all I gave a fuck about. I paid my rent and fed myself, and every single remaining cent went to pussy. I couldn’t even give you a ballpark figure of how many I’ve had sex with.

    I escaped with my sexual health, and I’m thankful.

    It was fun, but ultimately a stupid waste of time that ruined my financial goals and destroyed my self-esteem.

  16. Yes. From when I got divorced at 26 to when I found my current wife at age 34. I did have a relationship in between that lasted around a year.

    What was it like? It was fun I suppose. Felt good to see I was able to get girls. Had mostly good sex. However, it did not replace the feeling of being in a good relationship.

  17. yes. I’m generally picky when it comes to being exclusive. So after a break up at 22 from my first love. I was more or less single, I was making a lot of money and was travelling for work. Time off was often 1 week to a couple months. I had a great time meeting women, partying, i had some really crazy experiences. few fwb, numerous ONS and a few flings. I never experienced a dry spell in those years. That lasted until i was 27 when the woman that became my wife basically stopped me dead. my friends still comment on how abrupt it was.

    I actually struggle to remember how i managed all those experiences in that short time. So many blurry memories that over lap. i’m amazed at how i managed to maintain a good reputation with women around my home city while also being so slutty. I always was honest open about what i wanted from women, and i do believe that along with that i also took the brief relationships i had seriously, helped a lot. I always respected them and never strung them along. and had a strict rule no super drunk friends, sober or buzzed sure not drunk. it wasn’t a game, it was just who i was. i do have to say i did feel empty a lot when it came to women. it was fun and part of me was using sex to feel good about myself. the break up at 22 really fucked me up. the sex i i did have didn’t mean anything so that feeling of fulfillment was brief and fleeting. but it gave me a level of accomplishment for a time. but it was fun, and i experienced some really crazy things. I wouldn’t say i’m proud of all the things i did, but i definitely am impressed with myself and some of the things i pulled off.

  18. Yeah i did.

    At one point, i was sleeping with a new lady every few weeks it felt like. A lot of it had to do with low feeling of self worth and trying to make myself feel better about it. I was the rebound guy for a large amount of women, for probably 5 years. Sprinkled in a few month relationship here and there but for the most part i was full of commitment issues.

    What was it like? Full of short term gratification and period of emptiness. The sex was temporary, it meant nothing, and it never made me feel better. The fact i cant count the amount of women ive slept with makes me feel like shit, because now that i have my confidence, self worth, and other things in my life going for me, i see how much time i wasted chasing ass that never led to fulfillment.

    Ive met someone who i adore, and having the conversation of how many men shes slept with versus me being unwilling to talk at first about it made me feel awful. She respected herself much better in her life than i did. Shes been able to look past it and i adore her for it.

  19. How you look as a man really determines the answer to this one, I’m firmly in the “did not have a hoe phase” category unfortunately, and I think it’s a much bigger category than the “did have a hoe phase” men lol.

  20. Yes. In 2019 my wife of 25 years and I broke up. Within the next month and a half I hooked up with 11 different women. At first I thought it was so great. Then I felt empty. I don’t have a girlfriend or anything now. Sex is meaningless without actually feeling something for your partner. It’s been over a year and a half now since I’ve gotten laid. It’s just not that important to me now. I’m 49.

  21. Yes, from ages 22 to 32

    I’m past that now – much more willing to be alone than having sex with someone I don’t really like

  22. Yes. Two separate time periods in my life.

    First was early 20’s during my hard partying days (nyc clubs, nj beach houses, etc). Felt like the man sleeping with random girls and then moving on to the next.

    Second in my mid 30’s. I got divorced after 10 years and then I started dating some girl from my past. We dated for close to a year. I truly thought (at that time) she was “the one.” We broke up and then I kind of just said fuck this shit and started with the random hook ups again. This time, it made me feel like shit, depressed and pretty much disgusted with myself. It was so easy this time around with things like Tinder. It really made me think that I’m going to find a girl in real life (off of a dating app) and fall for her and all I’m going to think is she did the same shit as me. Deleted all of the apps, blocked phone numbers, etc.

    I’m single again after an absolute heart breaking break up and I just don’t even have it in me to venture out and start talking to any other girl right now and there’s no shot in hell for a random hook up for me anymore.

    I would like to think I’ve matured past that stage in my thinking and life.

    I’ve learned that I need a true connection with a woman to have sex with her now.

  23. Never had nor wanted one. Met the right girl early on and never felt a need to stray.

  24. Yes. I applied the scientific method to the whole “being gay is a choice” thing like 12 years ago.

    QUESTION: Is being gay actually a choice, toggleable in a way similar to a light switch?

    RESEARCH: probably not, seeing as how those who assert this “fact” have nothing to back it up.

    HYPOTHESIS: it probably isn’t, but I have nothing better to do with my life.

    EXPERIMENT: suck a bunch of dicks and see what happens(I fucked around and found out before that was a phrase)

    ANALYZE DATA: 100% success rate for my BJs, some of the ladies out here are fucking slacking and I HAVE ACTUAL DATA AND PROOF.

    Conclusion: Got zero boners from my BJ rampage. Perhaps getting railed up the ass would give me a boner, who knows. Not gay, but did gay things, so perhaps a *little* gay?

  25. After my college gf and I broke up, yes. I probably slept with around 10-15 women in the new city I moved to in the span of a few months. Felt super empty about it and haven’t done that since.

    That said, I’m fresh off the end of a nearly two year relationship right now and 27, so maybe Ill regress again. That said, hope not.

  26. Very brief, but yes. After breaking up with a long time girlfriend, there were some lady friends that I guess had been wanting to hook up. I didn’t get into a committed relationship for three years, and in that time, I hooked up with a long time friend, someone I met on an app, and a co-worker. Also sexted with another longtime friend.

    Looking back it was a fun time, but also that kind of arrangement isn’t right for me, so I was pretty constantly riddled with guilt, and I needed therapy.

  28. Yes for a couple months. It was fun and confidence/ego boosting, but also empty and draining. I was hanging out with different women almost every day. I learned a few things. Meaningless sex is just that, meaningless. I got more satisfaction from the fact that I was having sex than the sex itself which eventually turned into a chase where I didn’t care about the sex, but instead it was about acquiring the opportunity to do so. Maintain doing what is meaningful for you. I personally have hobbies and aspects of my life that are very fulfilling and much of that went on the back burner during this phase. I felt out of place and not myself. I learned how to keep myself grounded. Also… always use condoms.

  29. No and I don’t want to. Been offered hookups before but I’m not into that.

  32. Yes. Was a cougar cub for quite a few super rich women in California and it was glorious.

  33. I really wish I could but me being nervous around women makes it impossible. I am in awe of any guys that can do it. The stupid thing that bothers me is that all of my friends think I am an amazing catch. So it feels like its only my dumb anxiety and childhood trauma that prevents me.

  34. Yes, for many years… and I honestly regret it. Sure it was fun having sex with a different girl every week, but I got a reputation because I’d work my way around groups of girls until I’d slept with all of them. I broke A LOT of really nice girls’ hearts because all I was after was sex. I feel really fucking bad about messing a lot of girls around, because they didn’t deserve the way I would make them fall for me just so I could get laid, then move onto the next. I deserve to be single and alone right now to be honest.

  35. Ehh occasionally I have a busy month but generally no. I’ll go 3 months without a date then fuck 5 new women in a month, then go back to no dates for a few months.

  36. Yup. Tbh some of the better sex I’ve had weren’t with the ones I was most attracted to. You really can’t tell compatibility from a sexual standpoint just from looks. I’ve had some traditionally attractive dead fish and some I’m just drunk and bored moments that blew my mind. Obviously be safe and respectful about it as well. Cant stress enough, always be honest, If she’s not into a casual hookup don’t “sell her a dream” just to get laid. It does nothing but destroy her self esteem and unless you are a sociopath, make you feel like shit too.

  37. yep going thru one slight right now. it’s definitely a confidence boost when things are going well but one thing i can say is shit will get expensive if you’re going all out 😂 for me i’m just enjoying the amazing weather

  38. I was a late bloomer – 22 when I lost my virginity and body count of 5 by age 30. Basically increased my body count to 70-80 by upper 30s.

    And I legitimately thought I gave myself dating ADHD and that I’d never be able to settle down with just one woman. However, a month ago I’ve met my game changer. I couldn’t design a more perfect woman for me, and she inexplicably seems to love me right back.

    Now I am thankful for my whore phase as helping me build my sex skills and sex open-mindedness through which I can pleasure this woman in the ways that she truly deserves. Watching her enjoy multiple orgasms, seeing the surprised look on her face when I change things up to hit a different spot in just the right way… these things give me more pleasure than my own orgasms.

  39. I met my wife when I was 19. I’ve been her whore ever since for 22 years. It’s working out.

  40. When I was a student I had a “whore” phase. Slept with all the women in my friend group except the ones who were in relationships which lead to some drama but it was mostly fine because the women were the same (we are europeans).

    The worst thing about it is that even though the women in my circle did the same I had such a bad reputation. Like I would talk with a girl on a party and give her a compliment and she would say: “yeah I know about you dont even try I am not interested.” Well I was trying nothing but thats the impression many people had even though I wasnt into one night stands and was looking for a platonic and romantic connection.

    Later on when we all finished university I got rarely invited to things. Two friends married and I was the only person who wasnt invited because I had a minor fling with the bride. Meanwhile the bride had threesomes with her girlfriends but this was a secret.

    Generally I have to say I regret being open about it. People pretend to be open minded but you will be thrown under the bus the moment a woman tries to protect her reputation and then it will sound like I was a player and the girls were all innocent creatures I manipulated. And when I told a good friend that his girlfriend tried to hook up with me he of course didnt believe me.

    On the other hand I had some great experiences I guess and I dont think I would have stayed friends with this group anyways.

  41. I am definitely in my whore phase but no one wants to participate so I’m often left with a threesome with two no shows.

  42. Yes. I got out of a 4 year relationship.

    As soon as I got out, the DMs started hitting. You figure out what female acqauntices were actually into you.

    I did some online dating and tinder. Probably averaged a date a week. It was quite expensive.

    I ended up breaking some girls hopes, a couples heart. I realized after about a year it wasn’t for me. I overall felt the experience to be sociopathic. I don’t know how guys sleep with so many women and cycle them through… I feel terrible. Most of the time the girl actually likes you, and the other part of the time you have a dangerous succubus on your hands…

    After a year, I eventually found my wife… been together about 8 years so far.

  43. Oh ya dude. It honestly kinda sucked while I was in it, and wasn’t for me, but I learned a lot about myself and became a better person as a result.

    I figured out what people like about me and what interests them in me past immediate attraction. On the flip side I also figured out pretty quickly what **doesn’t** work to keep people interested in me and what aspects of my life could use a face lift, were worth a major change, or even just weren’t worth keeping as part of my life anymore.

    I came out of my ho phase realizing what I needed in my life and what I can live without, and as much as I didn’t enjoy some aspects of it I absolutely think it was worth it for myself.

    I’m also pleased that I don’t think I ever misled or mistreated anyone, and I was very honest with the women I dated about what I was interested in at the time.

  44. Yes.

    I’m an above average looking guy and can exercise wit.

    My wife was divorcing me. She had an affair.

    I was completely devastated. Felt like a huge loser. I did it for validation. My intentions and methods were horrible. Tinder, meeting women in bars, at dances, work, gym. I was a piece of shit and would say or act in any way needed. Anything to not feel like a loser for a small amount of time. To feel wanted. Worthy of love.

    None of it felt good. I was becoming less of a man by the day until I stopped.

    I have nothing positive to speak of those experiences.

  45. Going through it right now at age 32 after a breakup and it’s been very fun for me. I’ve met a lot of really interesting and cool women and it’s nice to know I’ve still got it. I’ve had some mediocre hookups for sure, but far more really memorable ones. I even managed to get a really cool friend with benefits as well. I wish I had done it sooner.

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