Boyfriend threw away all of the gifts I got him in the trash
Hi all,
So, I am going to try to make this short. But will fail I think.
My boyfriend (M, 29) and I (F, 26) have been together for three years now, and it’s going to be his birthday in two weeks. Last year (November), we separated for three months and thought it was going to be final (which is not the case atm). We have reconciled since February and have been together since.
One thing I need to mention, my boyfriend threw all the gifts I have given him in the trash immediately after we have broken up. He told me this when we were in the process of reconciling and it is something he said he deeply regrets doing, and I understood why he did it, but I can’t help but still feel deeply hurt and angry he did that.
I kept all of his gifts that he has given me and put them aside in a box, but never once thought of throwing them away in the trash when we broke up. Especially since there are sacred memories and cherished items.
Most of these gifts I got him were personalized and specialized for him and involved a lot of love, care, and effort. Some very expensive too. I made him two paintings that took a lot of love and dedication, some nights to complete. One in particular was a painting of him and his dad on a fishing boat (his dad passed away a while back) and fishing was something they did a lot together, so I thought I would make a painting of them for his 27th birthday, but he even threw that away…
I honestly can’t help but feel super hurt about this. I know he and I were broken up and he didn’t want any reminders of me at the time, but it stings that he threw my gifts away like they were nothing to him and with such disregard.
I am hesitant to buy him a birthday present after what happened and he wants me to make a painting one day but now I can’t bring myself to do it for him after what did, and I feel like a shitty girlfriend for feeling hesitant to get him a gift.
11 comments
Why would you expect him to keep something an ex gifted him that otherwise serves no practical purpose.
Whenever I experience a break up I give away gifts or throw away things associated with that ex. It’s important to actively try and move on and for a lot of people that involves removing things from their life that reminds them of that person.
People deal with breakups in different ways. You shouldn’t hold that against him by not buying him a birthday gift.
It’s just stuff – the memories are still there and that’s what’s important.
I think this is the difference between men and women sometimes. Men don’t value sentiment as much as women. Also, maybe you have different love languages. Regardless. I think you can get through this with some good communication and you deciding to let it go.
He’s shown you that after a break up, the ex is nothing to him anymore. He wants to make it like they never happened. You remember the love you shared even though it’s over now. Neither is right or wrong. People are different. If you expect him to be like you, you will keep getting hurt. I think you need to harden your heart a little. Know that if you gift him anything it will be thrown away if the relationship ends. Save the sentimental gifts until after marriage. Give him experiences that you share together. Those can’t be thrown away.
Do you think that refusing to get him a gift for a special occasion is appropriate “punishment” for how he acted while you were broken up?
He was hurt and processing. Don’t get upset with how he processed. Frankly another way to look at it is that those items held too many memories for him to see around post breakup. Heck a lot of girls “burn” their exs’ stuff. It’s not right or wrong, it’s just how people move on.
Edit: don’t let this break you up again, or make you hold back. That would be the real shame!
I understand why you were hurt. He says that he “deeply regrets” throwing out your gifts when you were broken up. Do you believe him? It sounds like both of you are holding onto some hurt from your break up. Counseling always seems to be the answer on these threads but I think it applies here. Your need to learn how to trust him again. And that may take some time.
I hard disagree with the comments lol. I wouldn’t be able to be with someone who threw away special art I made them. Materialistic things, whatever ( personally wouldn’t throw these away either because I never receive gifts and consider them incredibly special ), but something someone spent hours on making from scratch? Who is to say you two don’t get into an argument and he tosses all the gifts out again? You’ve given this man three years, my advice is not giving him any more honestly.
The gifts probably reminded him of you everyday and it hurt him to see them constantly. He felt like he had to move on, he didn’t know you would eventually get back together.
You broke up. I don’t think it’s fair to hold the fact that he wanted to get rid of the things that reminded him of you against him. That’s really not fair. I also don’t think it’s fair for you to say you don’t want to get him gifts anymore. I know people throw around the “get therapy” comment here a lot, but I think it may actually be warranted in this situation. Ya’ll need to learn how to fully trust each other again, or else this relationship is bound to fail.