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I’m insecure I know it but should I be worried, I’ve been dating a guy for about 6 months + – he happens to have a drop dead gorgeous female best friend who has been in a relationship for years ?!? I think it predates their friendship.
He constantly brings her up ( but doesn’t, I don’t know a lot about her) mentions how much she misses him, talks to her on the phone (we don’t do that) and the other day when looking for places to live he suggested the same area she lives?!?!
Am I being paranoid… should I be worried, I think that if she were single or there was an option he’d take it, maybe he’s already tried and been rejected?
I’ve only met her the once as we live in different cities (they live in the same one)
So I saw the guy I dated for almost three months (the one who ripped my heart of my chest) on Hinge and uhhhhh he apparently has kids!!!! I feel so sick to my stomach about that. He never once mentioned having kids to me… I can’t trust my dating judgment anymore.
I’m always confused by posts and comments here where people say they are literally the only person their age in their social circle not married/in a relationship. I’m 32 and my circle is about 50% single. I have maybe 4 close friends who are married (2 of them to each other) and only one with kids. I live in LA but I’m originally from a smaller city in the Midwest and it’s not like everyone I know there is coupled off either. Maybe it’s some sort of selection bias at play like single people gravitate to other single people or have more time for socializing. I don’t really talk to anyone I went to high school or college with anymore so that could be it. I only have about 10 coworkers at my current job but most of them are also single despite being older than me.
I will say that most of my cousins around my age are married or in a relationship and some have kids, but I don’t talk to most of them very much.
I can’t even with people that give low effort responses or people who obviously lack conversational skills. If they are like this in real life then I don’t know how the hell they got so far.
Look, people. If you’re giving low effort responses because you’re really not into the person – just unmatch. I won’t get butthurt, you’re an internet stranger ffs.
Right now, as it stands, I give them 3 open ended questions to try and start a conversation. If they suck ass at all three of them, I just unmatch. I’m starting to think 3 is too much; I feel like a clown
We both deleted our online dating profiles today. Here’s to being exclusive!
I met a great guy. We’ve had two dates, talk everyday, have had all the talks about needs, expectations etc. On paper, he’s everything I want and desire in a partner. Chemistry is there. Communication is there. Vulnerability, lifestyle, nuances are there.
He lives two hours away. And I just don’t know if I have the bandwidth to maintain a long distance relationship at this point in my life.
I’m starting a new job. I have a new grand baby. I’m caring for an elderly relative. My plate is full. But I so WANT this. And I need things in my life that will also fill my cup in different ways than caring for others.
I’m currently having a bit of a conundrum. I’m in an improv class right now and have a massive crush on our instructor. I’ve seen him on apps so I know he’s single and he’s around my age and we seem to have a lot in common. We have a good vibe when we interact in class and he seems to think I’m funny (yay!).
However, I have no idea if he would be interested or creeped out if I asked him out? I was planning to wait until our final class but I don’t know if I am just going to deeply embarrass myself. Is there a way to gauge interest without flat out asking him out? I am driving myself a little crazy over this lately.
I’ve been feeling really crappy about a recent interaction with my ex, and I can’t tell if his behavior was inappropriate, or if I deserve to feel bad. For some context, I left him a few months ago after being incredibly unhappy for a long time (and in recent reflection and processing, realizing he didn’t always treat me so well). Throughout the breakup things between us were up and down, naturally. But it felt like recently we had gotten to a good place of amicability. He even reached out to say some nice things and wished me well not too long ago.
However, last week I sent him a text about some bills that I’m still helping him with (as a favor I guess). We touched base about it, and he sent me a curt follow up message regarding a bottle of alcohol that I left behind that had less than a drink’s worth left over. It was behind some boxes and I missed it when I was cleaning out my stuff. I apologized, and then he proceeded to further berate me regarding a single prescription pill that was left in a drawer (it was small and also easy to miss). In his defense, he is a recovering addict (which he passively aggressively mentioned). But he is strong in his sobriety, and these items were in the house the entire time we lived together. Was his snarky reaction warranted? I’ve been feeling more confident lately, but He was like that sometimes when we were together which always put me down and made me feel guilty, and I’m experiencing those feelings again. I feel like a terrible person, and I think I might deserve to feel this way, but I’m really not sure.
I self-sabotaged something that had definite potential because of my own insecurities. And now he’s using the we can still be friends line. So, that’s just great. Trying not to beat myself up about it, but sometimes I just really wish I wasn’t me. Meh.
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Random journaling:
– If any vulva-havers out there are on the fence about getting a VCH piercing, take this as your sign to go for it. Got mine yesterday and she is so CUTE, I love her so much.
– Guy I have been on three dates with and kissed on the last date hasn’t responded to my last text where I mentioned an activity I’d done with my primary partner; it’s clear in my OLD profiles that I’m partnered and ENM and I’m pretty sure I brought him up on our first date. Texting with this guy has been inconsistent anyway so it might just be in my head. I do like him so I hope he isn’t getting uncomfortable – it’s happened a couple times that a guy will think he’s down to engage with me non-monogamously but then realize it’s not for him, which is fine and understandable but a lil annoying if I’ve allowed myself to start crushing.
– Still intrigued by how it seems I get downvoted on this sub whenever I mention living with my ex or my desire for us to maintain a lifelong familial bond. We were together for eight years, have two dogs together, and love each other. I have infinite capacity for love of all types. He is supportive of my relationship with BF1 and has even talked me down off a couple ledges when it comes to doubting my feelings or the potential of the relationship. BF1 is supportive of my ex and I maintaining a loving connection and literally wants to move in even though it will mean living with my ex for a couple months. I would not want to date someone who would be bothered by the idea that you can maintain different types of love and care for different people at the same time, or wouldn’t trust me to know myself and my heart and to know that I’m not “over” my ex or deep down want to get back with him. I don’t want to get back with him, I’m happier being his friend than I ever was being his partner. I get that’s a lot of context that’s missing if someone is just reading a random comment from me about living with my ex but it still kinda amuses me that I know the downvotes are coming whenever I mention it. Also because like…ok, rich people, must be nice to just be able to move out all willy-nilly but some of us have bad credit scores and live in a HCOL area XD
In a situationship with a friend of 3 yrs whose divorce was finalized about a month ago, separated almost a year. Never saw him in a romantic way until we started spending time together and I think I’m falling for him. I haven’t felt like this about someone in over 3 years which scares me because 1. Well… he’s recently divorced and 2. He has kids so they’re obviously his biggest priority which I totally understand as I like my “me time” more than the average person. Part of me thinks this is a terrible idea and there’s no way it doesn’t end in heartbreak and the other part of me is SO excited to be sharing something special with someone I trust. Plan is to keep expectations low and enjoy it for however long it lasts. Anyone have any success stories with relationships that started out as friendships?
Having deja vu. Great first date last Friday, spent all day together, felt like we really connected and there was a lot of physical chemistry, then she texted me after about things we could do together next. After that, communication dropped off until I asked her out for Wednesday. She accepted, but then cancelled because of sickness and asked about my availability to reschedule. I proposed some new times, then didn’t hear back for a couple days. At this point I figured she’d changed her mind, but decided there was no harm in a double text, so just sent a little joke/reference to something we’d talked about before. I got an instant response, and replying to my earlier message, saying she’d check her plans and let me know. I’m like 99% sure at this point it’s not gonna work out, when people are interested it’s not so unclear. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone again who responded to date plans with “I’ll let you know!”.
There’s nothing overly bad or unusual about this, but it’s demoralizing to repeat experiences like this over and over and over. I know rationally I shouldn’t have any expectations after a first date, no matter how it went, but it’s still difficult.
Don’t know what to do… I am dating the absolute sweetest person in what was meant to be a casual relationship but which has gotten to be rather more serious. He travels a lot, and the relationship is by necessity temporary for now because he will be moving in several months and I’ll be moving in a year. I’m really enjoying it, but given the situation and the fact that he’s frequently out of town, I would like to be able to see other people as well. He considered that and voiced his needs, that that would be hard for him and that he would prefer we stop seeing each other entirely if I need to date other people. He is monogamous. Totally fair. But I can’t decide what to do- whether to end it or continue being exclusive with someone who’s frequently gone. The current situation feels restrictive to me, but ending things doesn’t feel great either.
To those who remember ‘my friend is a shitty wingwoman’ rant: It comes as no surprise that the guy I liked asked out my friend. She has been lowkey flirting with him since I met him (inviting him to stuff and hanging out a bunch without me) while claiming the whole time that she’s being a supportive wingman to me and only considers him as a friend. Weird that now she’s suddenly considering whether to date him. She ‘totally didn’t see him like that and it took her by surprise’ that he would have been misled by her actions. 🙄
I’ve been casually dating a woman for 6 months and recently we talked about a serious relationship that leads to marriage. One thing she’s unsure about is whether or not to have kids. I’m leaning towards it so I don’t think it’s good idea to commit to anything more serious until she’s got a better idea. Is there anything I can do to help her make the decision? I’m okay with it if for whatever reason we can’t have kids later on but not sure how I feel about someone who doesn’t know yet.
Isn’t it fun playing the game of let’s see who will text first…
A little while ago I commented on one of these threads, talking about someone who seemed like an incredible match (and just someone I’d love to meet in any circumstance) but backed off from dating for health reasons. This led me to take a bit of a break myself for the same reasons.
We matched again last week, I asked him out and he said he’d love to go on a coffee date— but a few days ago he messaged saying he got bad news regarding his health, and once again, isn’t in a place to be dating.
I did give him my number and he texted me, so we have a point of contact. I hope we’re both in a place to actually meet at some point. We just really seem to be each other’s kind of people.
My partner asked me if I want to eat dinner together. I said I’d like to but I’m kinda broke. I just started a new job that will pay me a lot more per month, but pay day isn’t until end of the month.
I’m feeling anxious though that my partner will dumb me because of this though. I shouldn’t have admitted that I don’t have a lot of money right now.
Do you agree this was a stupid thing to do? 😞😐
How would you react if your Hinge match asked for what qualities you look for in someone and you say things like empathy, a sense of humor, independence, etc, and they reply they are looking for someone who is financially stable and a great kisser? Oh and looks good in yoga pants…our conversation has already been a little hard but this just makes me want to unmatch or tell him I am no longer interested in chatting because he did say in his profile he doesn’t want to be ghosted so I feel a tad bad….
Is mercury in retrograde or something because I’ve had 4 men reach out in the past week with some sort of “Hey, I was just thinking about you – I’m not happy with how things have ended and would like to try again”. One in the form of an unprompted voice note after not having spoken in several months (which was honestly terrifying to receive out of no where).
I already posted about going on dates with 3 separate guys I’d seen previously – so these were all new additions to the “Hey I was thinking about you” gang.
I’m feeling more and more at peace each day about my situationship that left me feeling heartbroken. I keep thinking about all the things that wouldn’t have worked out between us long-term. So it’s better that it ended sooner. He was/is way too close to his ex and I wouldn’t be able to deal with that. I need to be the priority to the person I’m dating. At the time it was fine because we were only dating casually, but I definitely started wanting something serious so I’m actually glad it ended. I’m not waiting around for him but if in the future (like 6 months to a year) he is in a better emotional space and isn’t close with his ex anymore I’d be open to dating him again, but it seems unlikely. I’m awkwardly still going on a trip to where he is in August (planned it before he ended things) but I’m not sure if I want to see him then or not. I would have a lot more fun with someone else but I don’t know if it would be healthy for me. Maybe I’ll just use the time to express that I think we weren’t a good fit after all and act aggressively platonic with him. 😂
Tonight is my date night with my guy (36m). It’s been eight months of some of the nicest times I’ve had. We’ve been able to talk about the tough stuff (really, only our lack of big summer trips together) and come out stronger/with better understanding of one another. We had a special Fourth of July together, yesterday he helped me out when I needed it. Safe to say, he melts my heart. I’m trying to push back my own trauma/fears of abandonment to be present and emotionally available for him. Obviously, he is not perfect, but he is wonderful! He treats me well, expresses his desire to commit to us, and always shows that he cares. I’m optimistic seeing as things are going really well.
Guy I’m seeing (exclusively) has been working away (one month down of 2) we have been in contact almost daily and days he’s been too busy to message he has said) we have established good communication where we usually message morning, sometimes afternoon and night. He told
Me he finishes work at 7 and doesn’t really do much until he goes to bed around 10. I messaged him yesterday and in that message, along with other things, I suggested we have a phone call after he is finished working however he didn’t acknowledge that at all and just answered other parts of the message. When I’ve thought about it, his messaging has been consistent which is great but it is minimal effort and it’s wearing a bit thin. He told me that things would be good between us if the spark is still there however it feels like it is only me trying to keep the spark going, I sometimes send him pictures of something I’ve done that day or somewhere I’ve been, speak to him about things more than how his day had went however he never sends pics, only really asks how my day has been and hasn’t acknowledged my request for a phone call. I tried to be flirty in one message and he commented a bit but then changed the subject. I am not sure if he is trying to create a false sense of connection with minimal effort, although it does feel that way. My attempt of “keeping the spark alive” seems to be shot down quite a bit and I am not sure what to do about it.
I understand that friendships have to change when one gets into a relationship. But I’m sick and tired of friends who disappear and turn into a completely different person the second they get googly eyes. In general I do not understand people who jump into the deep end within a few weeks of meeting someone. I’m tired of friends who for years seem like healthy, independent people lean hard into co-dependency. It’s really frustrating.
I might have a date this weekend, with someone who is out of my league (looks-wise) so that would be interesting. I have zero expectations other than geeking out about shared hobbies so that’s probably a good mindset to have? 🤷♀️
I’ve been seeing the boyfriend for about 5 months now. He is, mostly, great. He’s consistent with communication. He doesn’t flake out on dates. He’s not only employed, but we work in the same industry and that lends itself to a whole level of understanding about why we work the hours that we work (very early mornings resulting in early bedtimes). Things are comfortable. He feels like home.
BUT, it’s becoming very clear that his “mild” depression isn’t as mild or as controlled as I have been led to believe. This isn’t my first rodeo with a partner with depression so I understand that it’s not his fault, but it is his responsibility to manage it. I’m not giving up on him right now, but I don’t know how much I can do this again.