I, (24F), and a friend of mine (24M), have been friends for almost 5 years now. We recently got close and started playing games every day, texting funny memes, and occasionally face timing. Both of us are single, and I can tell there’s some sexual tension between us. Due to the fact that we’re in the same friend group, we keep the tension minimal, but we have delved into talking more intimately, and tease each other (with sexual inuendos). Neither one of us have brought up anything more than being friends, and frankly I have talked about a few failed relationships with him. We’re on the same wavelength in terms of humor, he’s funny, smart, and he pokes fun at me (in a good way). He’s also a fantastic listenener and has given great advice.
Would it be a bad idea to possibly want to explore that sexual tension, or would it ruin our friendship? Any advice or experiences would be helpful!
10 comments
There’s a lot of people in the world you could sleep with, so if you choose a friend, don’t just do it because you think it’s an easy way to get laid.
Could it ruin the friendship? Sure. That’s not guaranteed, of course but it’s a possibility.
Is it worth the risk? Quite possibly, but there’s no easy answers here. The only thing you can know for certain is that sex would likely transform your friendship in a way that would be irrevocable.
That’s not an inherently good or bad thing, it just means that once you cross that line, things will change, and if you really really like the state of your friendship as it is, and you don’t want to see it change, then you shouldn’t sleep with them. On the other hand, if the prospect of turning this into a sexual relationship really excites you and you feel like there’s potential for it to be really good? Maybe it’s worth that gamble
Just know that there is no in-between. You’re either going to end up together or you won’t be friends. Could be the best decision you ever make though 🤷🏽
Similar boat here. I think the worst case scenario would be one person forming romantic feelings and the other not. For example I’m only in it for sex, and he’s in it for a relationship. Not gonna work out 😅
Try to put words on what it is that you want.
Are you looking for a brief physical adventure?
A long-lasting physical adventure?
Or…is there also a romantic curiosity popping up in your head?
I mean, from how you describe it, he DOES sound like a pretty good choice in a life partner.
But it also sounds like he’s a damn important and valued friend.
Are you any kind of excited about the idea of a pleasure-oriented adventure with him? Is it building up to it, or are you already there?
For lack of better expression, you need to decide. It’s a leap of faith of sorts.
Could turn out absolutely awesome.
Can also ruin something valued in your life. But that’s more of a long-term risk than a short-term risk.
A great way to ruin a good friendship unless there is a serious amount of chemistry.
That’s not to say a fling is a poor choice. Just make it with the right person for the right reasons.
How would you feel about outright dismissing him as a friend if the sex was awkward or terrible?
…why not just start dating?
Look – there are a lot of taboos around this. And (judging by the comments below) most people think this will irrevocably change yr freindship.
I’d like to offer an alternative perspective.
I’m queer, my partner is queer – we’re in an ostensibly hetereosexual relationship but… we have lovers (both of us have lovers of ALL the genders 🙂 ). We have friends who are sometimes lovers, we go out with friends and there may be party pashes etc…
And… it works. It’s totally fine. In fact my lovers are people who I care about a lot and are friends as well as…. sometimes lovers. But yeah – really solid friends. And sleeping with them – or no longer sleeping with them – hasn’t really changed the ‘friendship’ component.
But… I’m 52 and it took a long time to get here. I think you have to be able to have some good emotional regulation and processes to be able to deal with this stuff.
Whether you two have this – I dunno. And I cannot advise you on your situation.
But I just wanted to throw this into the conversation coz – another world is possible.
🙂
No, possibly
I have been friends with a lot of women. In every friendship, there is a point where I wondered if we should be sexual. It is hard to be just friends with the opposite sex.
So my answer is just ask. Say that you have been experiencing that you want more in this relationship, or I have real feelings for you. Would you like to gave sex with me?
Yes sex can destroy friendships. Of not.
Listen your going die if you do and your going die of you dont so might as well 👊👊👊🇨🇦🇨🇦
Why not. Maybe this is the beginning of something more than sex or a situationship.