Advice needed-
tl;dr My(m) girlfriend of only ~6 months says that my that my friendship with a girl that I’ve known for 6,7+ years makes her uncomfortable.
The friend her has own boyfriend. She helped me through a rough time a few years ago after a breakup; we’ve at certain points had a really close, purely platonic bond, more like that of a brother and sister than anything. There is no sexual tension/attraction of any kind, and despite me saying that, she doesn’t believe me and thinks that something either happened or there’s a crush on my friend’s side.
She’s never even met my friend, never spoke to her, won’t hear anything out, has blocked her on social media and just refuses to see the value in a friendship that has helped me through a lot.
Now she’s basically said, in one way or another, that it’s either her (my gf) or my friend. I don’t like being given an ultimatum like this. Any advice – please?
10 comments
Personally, I’d dump the girlfriend. She’s only going to get whinier and more demanding about who you can and can’t spend time with.
>Now she’s basically said, in one way or another, that it’s either her (my gf) or my friend.
Good. Show your girlfriend the door.
Nope nope nope. Her being “uncomfortable” when you’ve done nothing wrong at all is **her** problem, not yours. The fact that your girlfriend has never even met her and yet is still acting this way is a bright red flag. You don’t need to buy into any ultimatum. You can just refuse to choose! She’ll most likely frame that as you “choosing” your friend and will break up with you, and if so that’s her choice, not yours, and you should consider it a bullet dodged.
Bear in mind your girlfriend isn’t even saying “you having a close female friend makes me uncomfortable, I need reassurance” or similar. Nope, she’s jumping straight to “cut her off, it’s her or me” which is spectacularly unreasonable and speaks to serious insecurity/controlling issues on her part which **will** get worse and worse over time. Cut this friend off now to placate your girlfriend and 6 months from now you’ll most likely be single because the relationship will have imploded *and* you won’t have this friend in your life any more.
Don’t negotiate with emotional terrorists. Tell her no. At best you have incompatible ideas about friendships/relationships, at worst she’s impossibly needy and demanding. You’re 23 and it’s only been 6 months, you think this woman is so amazing that she’s worth throwing away a great friend for? Find someone awesome who likes your friend, instead of being threatened by them. I’m in my 40s and happily married, got various female friends I’ve been friends with for 20+ years. My wife actively liked that about me, she likes my friends, she gets on with them. She viewed that as a positive trait for me to have platonic friendships in my life, not some sort of aberration she needed to cut off for her sake.
Don’t give up a good friend for someone who doesn’t trust you for no reason.
If you do this, what’s next? How many other friends won’t she like?
Get another girlfriend. You don’t want to be with a dumb woman that jumps into conclusions with 0 evidence. It will only give you more trouble in future. It’s not a huge problem being jealous a bit it can be fixed but you can’t fix stupid. Being dumb enough to not know one should always keep enemies close is a big deal breaker.
Dump this gf. She’s an emotional vampire and will wreck your life. Anyway you have a great friend who helped you in the past and they can certainly help you again in the future in distressing times. That type of friendship is priceless and doesn’t come by often. Shitty relationships unfortunately are too common, so no need to waste any further time with this one.
You’re going to have this come up a lot if you’re “super close besties” with the opposite sex. If you want to date other people, you need serious boundaries.
I’ve been best friends since childhood with someone of the opposite sex. No one either of us have dated has had a problem- because we DON’T have flirty chemistry that we pass off as friendship, and we DO have proper boundaries. 99% of the “platonic besties” I’ve ever met were always flirty and touchy, and 95% of them ended up cheating together.
I need more details?
How often do you hang out with SO?
How often do you hang out with your friend?
Why haven’t they met?
What kind of hangouts are you doing with your friend?
okay so. You have a choice between a liflong friend and a partner whos so immature they blocked your fried, they dont trust you not to cheat, wont even hear you out and have given you an ultimatum so she gets her way.
The choice is clear. Although i reckon when you pick the friend she’ll cry for you back
Yeh mate, choose your friend. Ditch the psycho thats trying to control your life and interactions with people about whom she knows fuck all about.