I (23f) have been with my partner (27m) for almost two years. We live together and have pets together. I feel like he may be emotionally abusive but I don’t know if I’m overreacting. The reason I feel this way is if I ever try to bring up something he has done to hurt me he immediately turns it around to everything I’ve ever done and then I end up being the one apologizing. When I’ve pointed this out to him he mocks me and makes fun of me for feeling that way. I feel like I have whiplash he acts like he loves me so much and sometimes I feel so loved but then other times it’s like I don’t even know him. This morning I didn’t feel good and he suggested we stay home instead of going to our plans we already made. I felt bad and wanted to go to the plans so we left. On the way he’s being hateful and when I asked why he said he doesn’t see the point in driving that far to only be there a couple hours and we should have just stayed home. I said okay then if you want to stay home we can, he turned the car around and started driving home. I told him that I find it hurtful and he try’s to act like I’m the one who wanted to go home. He’s saying things like “you’re the one who wanted to go home so I’m just doing what you wanted.” I told him I’m tired of him always doing things like that and trying to make it like it was me who wanted to go home. I feel like a scolded child, if I don’t agree with him I’m wrong and if I agree with him I’m wrong, there’s no winning. This isn’t the first time it has happened, I feel like he gaslights me. I told him today that he is basically a narcissist and he threw back in my face “then why are you with me?” I just said “I don’t know.” I love him but this doesn’t feel healthy. I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive or if there’s actually a problem.
3 comments
It’s healthy that you wrote this down. Read it over OP. Your relationship is toxic. You can do better. Be kind to yourself and work on leaving. I wish you luck. You deserve better than a partner who mocks and gaslights.
Read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. You can find free PDFs online.
You aren’t being sensitive, there’s a huge problem. You should feel respected and supported and heard in a relationship. You should be treated with kindness. Would you describe your relationship as being like that? If your description of your relationship was coming from a friend, would you tell her this was healthy?