So basically, I’m really into CNC and being degraded, my bf and I have an amazing sex life with the only issue being that we cant have as much sex as we want because we’re basically doing long distance. He himself is very dominant and aggressive in bed, but kinky I wont say that, I guess I can say it’s because we don’t have the amount of time to explore everything we would want, but I would like him to be more kinky and more verbal when we have cyber sex as this is something that we do very often and it gets me turned on when he degrades me. what can I do?
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Talk to him about it or be bratty and sexy so he can hate you and want to fuck you at the same time.
Be careful on the second one though because it can turn toxic
Start with talks about boundaries and kinks in general. Go through a list of paraphilias and various roleplay and sex scenes. Talk about RACK, safe words, SSC and safe sex practices, read up and study ’em a bit academically and how to engage in different play safely. This will help with dissociation from who y’all are as a couple, and the sex play itself.
For upping his dirty game talk, have him listen to some audiporn that is up your alley to get ideas, and read some dirty stories that are to your liking (you do the same with any of his kinks he might have floating out there). Do more cybersex to up the dirty talk game, and then incorporate it more in the bedroom just as part of vanilla sex.
Then try each step slowly, practicing prep work, stopping, and aftercare. Practice using the safe word, on both sides, even if you don’t feel the need to use it yet because a well practiced tool is more useful than one that only sits out there as an idea. How someone reacts when adrenaline kicks in and fight, flight freeze or appease is the main response path can keep it from being a useful tool. For progression with a single act, like somnophilia, do it while you are both awake and each of you just take turns pretending to be asleep. Stop, talk about what is good/not good, restart. Pretend to be asleep. Then practice waking each other up, then doing it.
For me the progression to CNC play was: rough sex, free use play, bondage, toy use, sleep sex, role play, percussion play with spankings eventually leading to more CNC/BDSM with a woman who wanted me to Dom for her. I would suggest throwing in some gentle doming/pleasure doming. Also practice role reversal and switching, just to show each other how you want to be treated and to again, reinforce the idea that it is play. We did lots of other play after that, including some more involved stuff and some group play, but that was how we led into CNC play.
Do things _outside_ of sex, like showering together and washing each other, sensual massage, shaving/waxing each other to reinforce trust and practice giving and receiving. Make sure after care involves a lot of affection, maybe even incorporate some vanilla love making as part of aftercare if y’all are up for round 2 (or 3 or 4 depending).
Good luck, have fun, and be safe!
Talk about it first, while you’re not having sex. Make it really clear what your limits are and how you’d like it to go. Please establish a safeword or it’s literally not possible to do this safely
r/bdsmadvice will have a more specific/knowledgeable community for you