How did you raise your standards in dating and how did you start valuing yourself?

13 comments

1. I just communicate clearly what I want and look for people who are a) able to communicate just as directly and b) want the same things I do.

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3. Well, once I started to value myself and expect basic respect, I became a single spinster for life lol.

   Men are very honest and forthcoming with the fact that they only want something casual, and I am very honest with them that I am not interested in fulfilling the role of unpaid sex worker, so we are not compatible and that’s okay. Honestly, every time I try online dating again, or even hear other people talking about their relationships, I am reminded that I am really not missing out on anything hahaha I have saved myself a ton of stess by just staying celibate.

4. I communicated exactly what I was looking for early on in dating. On my first date with my now husband I told him very clearly that I was looking for long term partnership, I was looking for my husband and the father to my future children. And if that wasn’t something he was also interested in, we wouldn’t be a match and no hard feelings.

   Know what you want, truly think about what you want out of life, a partner etc. and communicate those things. I stopped fearing people leaving me or rejecting me and started trusting in fate, in “what is supposed to happen, will.” And that made all the difference for me.

5. Shitty past relationship was what helped me raised my standards which had lead to learning my worth, the moment you know your worth, what you want and don’t want along with respecting your own boundaries you can easily achieve those two things but of course it requires practice. Because it’s less about the partner but about our own self, a partner would see our value if we actually don’t let them treat us less than we want/deserve, but if we do then they automatically will keep on viewing us exactly the way we keep on accepting their behavior.

6. Honestly I took myself out. I gave myself experiences and it made me feel more secure. I took myself on a trip, a dinner,a concert and even though it was initially weird I grew to love my own company so I became much more picky about who I was spending my time with.

7. I met someone who though we didn’t work out, was very kind to me and who made me a very thoughtful gift. It helped me see my value so even though we didn’t work out, I kept dating and I eventually met my husband, who treats me like a princess 🥰

8. I ask a couple of questions that lead me to my answer. I usually ask what is a favorite dish you are intimidated to cook? Or what was your favorite 2nd birthday?
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   If we hit it off, I had to now my values, and wants for this relationship. They don’t need to know unless i tell them and i can’t hold it against them if i don’t tell them. For an example,having to show up on time. I communicate that “please let me know as soon as possible of any changes or emergencies because i value my time and want this to continue getting to know you. And if i don’t hear anything i will assume that you don’t care and dont want to be with me”. If they do it and no notice, we’re done.
   I raised my standards of having someone being dedicated towards goals in different aspects of life. Finically, emotionally, physically or whatever, you have got to be doing something to better yourself. Also learned that i do need my space respected. I have to go on my own sometimes and be active. If you’re stagnant but not contempt and do nothing to change it, its a problem.
   Lastly, my part of my career field will have me to travel and i make it clear that im going to.

9. I think it was always high for dating because I had very few relationships. It was not high for sexual partners and honestly I just started hating everything about myself towards the end and put value on everything except my body as the thing I could offer people.

10. I considered how I would feel if my dad treated my mom the way men treated me. Your parents didn’t put you on this earth to settle, cry, or hurt all the time.

    I met a man just like my father and my dad likes him a lot. He looks at me the way I would look at people who didn’t deserve me before. I wanted to break up with him out of insecurity but he eliminated all doubt in my mind he wanted to be with me and help me see my own value. I did. Things are great between us. Outer circle friends for a while, and then it clicked when we got together. it made sense

11. When you stop caring about men’s feelings that happens

12. I was sleeping with any and everyone I could. Showed my friend and go I slept with and she said “Gross. You’re going to be a doctor and that’s not a good look to sleep with these random chicks. See the bar high and never settle.”

13. My parents have been together since they were 12. Are they perfect? No. Do they argue? Sometimes. Did I have to see them grow up and learn to be an adult while being a parent? Yes. My parents have been together for almost 40 years. They help each other, take care of each other, they still go on dates, my dad helps out with out her having to ask, they both go out of their way to do little things for each other. I’ve never heard them curse, threaten or degrade each other. My dad tells my mom that’s she’s somehow more beautiful than when they met, my mom thanks him for the small things. I decided I would accept nothing less in a relationship. I dated a lot and a few weren’t the best relationships but it came back to what do I want for the future and if they weren’t it I left. I didn’t settle. I was single for a while and decided that if I couldn’t find someone I would date myself and be single and I was happy. And then I met him. He wanted the same things as me from life and we just clicked. And he is the perfect person for me. And he just keep proving that. Like I am currently in bed since I sprained my ankle and without having to ask he just took over most of my chores. This would have never happen if I didn’t live myself as much as I do or if I would have settled with an ex because I was afraid to be alone or not finding someone else. So go out and find yourself, learn to be comfortable with yourself, learn to value yourself even if it means going to theraphy. Even if it means getting a paper and making three columns. In one write all your good qualities, second qualities you can change to better yourself and a note of how, three things you can’t change to better yourself but want too. Then work on that list. Eventually most things in the second column will be on one and most of the third one will be gone.