One thing about my boyfriend is he always calls me ‘cheap’, but I believe he’s projecting on me. I am ‘cheap’ during the right times: Not wanting to spend $100 on alcohol for a night out at a bar with his friends when I’m not interested in going, offering to be DD so I do not need to pay $60 for an Uber when I am not interested in drinking, etc. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is cheap with me at random times.
I paid for our vacation trip in the beginning of April. He owed me $1,600, which he said he’d pay me back over the next couple weeks. It is currently July, and he still owes me $1,000, trying to make excuses as to why he cannot pay (because he is currently renovating his rental property for his tenants, which is understandable, but he is also randomly buying junk). Well, my friend’s baby shower is coming up, and she invited my boyfriend to come. We were planning to split a room with my other friend and her boyfriend, and my boyfriend was complaining about going (which I told him he did not have to if he didn’t want to), so I offered to pay his part of the hotel as it was only $47. He insisted on paying and Venmoed me. Well, long story short, I Venmoed him that money back for something else I owed him, and now, 3 weeks later, he’s arguing with me that I owe him that money because I was apparently ‘actually just Venmoing him back cause I offered to pay”. I said that’s not how it went, I was paying him back for something else and he insisted on paying for his hotel spot, and instead of trying to convince me I’m crazy that I didn’t pay for that other item, say you decided you wanted to take me up on the offer of paying for the hotel portion.
I know this is a very miniscule thing, but I’ve been noticing very weird ‘money hungry’ tendencies from him recently. The other day my boyfriend ordered him and I smoothies without me asking, and shortly after, I found out they had settled my mom’s malpractice case, granting me a large portion of money. He texted his mom, and she called to talk to me about it. During the phone call, he whispers to me to Venmo him $10 for the smoothie.. something I didn’t even ask for.. Then, he makes a joke (which I almost feel is not a joke), that I should buy him a gift with the money I am getting because his mom was telling me how I can buy myself the condo I’ve been wanting and finally get a new car.
I almost feel like we were on the edge of these money problems before my mom’s case was settled, and now that he knows I am getting a large amount of money, he’s taking advantage of me for it. I regret him knowing about this money.
4 comments
Not an over reaction. I think of cheap as synonymous with frugal. That is somewhat descriptive of you.
Your boyfriend isn’t cheap; he is a leech. He wants to spend money, but have someone else pay. That someone else is you.
Cheap to me is insisting you split a sandwich when asked out to lunch. Or not replacing worn out clothing or shoes when you totally could afford to.
He’s a mooch.
To me this doesn’t sound “miniscule.” It sounds incredibly obnoxious as well as representative of how he feels entitled to treat you and other people.
I’ve learned most questions that ask “am I over-reacting” come from people who are seriously **under**-reacting. That applies here. There’s all sorts of examples, but on his mom….do you seriously not see how inappropriate it was for her to express an opinion on your money? And it’s just as bad that he is doing the same.
You say this is minuscule, but it’s not. In fact, you said there were problems even before you got the money. Since it doesn’t sound like you addressed these, again….under-reacting! As a couple, the 2 of you have developed some very unhealthy patterns when it comes to finances. And finances are the #1 cause of divorce, although part of this is bad couples communication. That’s behind almost every problem.