First off I’m writing this on a phone while on lunch so please excuse formatting and spelling errors. TLDR at the bottom.
Alright, my wife hit me with a massive confession and I don’t know what to do or how to handle this.
First off my wife 28f and I 33m have been together for 10 years married for 8 with a 5 year old daughter.
I’ve noticed over our relationship that she’s pulled away from me in the bedroom however not in emotionally. I noticed she started reading romance novels nearly 8 hours a day. If she isn’t physically working on something she’s reading a novel on her phone.
Before the obligatory “SHE’S CHEATING” comments she is not. I’ve looked and she has absolutely no evidence of any relationships with any men, apps or emails in any way. She does however have hundreds of books on several reading apps.
I recently started asking her some questions about our intimate relationship and her feelings. It took nearly a year of gently talking with her before she started opening up. When she did I was in shock and very much still am.
First off she told me she’s a Nymfo and honestly loves everything to do with intimacy even if nothing is done with her. For example without to many details she said “just holding you and playing with you makes me happy.”
I asked why she would be pulling away then and this is what she said.
“When I was in highschool every guy I dated broke up with me saying I just wanted the D. They bullied me to the point that even when I changed schools I was bullied on day because the rumors were already flying in a school I didn’t go to. I don’t want to loose you so I’ve hidden a couple of things. I know it’s not right and I’m sorry but I just couldn’t risk seeing the same look on your face that my ex boyfriends had.”
I told her that we’re married with a daughter and I wasn’t going to simply leave her. I told her to tell me what she wants so she can be happy and hopefully break a depression she’s been in for many years.
She stated tearing up and hugged me. She then said
“I only have one other thing I haven’t told you. Please don’t leave after I do. I know this makes me a terrible disgusting person and I hate myself for it.
I stopped her and told her no kink could make someone disgusting.
She said
“Mine does! I want to be a Slave, a toy. I want to be used.”
Not realizing exactly what she ment I said “that’s not exactly an unheard of kink. I wouldn’t call a person inti M/S a disgusting person”
I thought that would help calm her because I’ve had my own fantasies along those lines. I was wrong!
She then said “No, I want to be a toy. Literally. I want you to use me any time you want, any way and any where. I want you to take me even if I don’t want to, even if I fight back.”
I was silent. I had no words, my wife just told me she wants something that is highly illegal and so far out of what I’m comfortable with that I probably went sheet white too.
After a few minutes I told her what you want could get me thrown in jail and they would quickly throw out the key. Her response which honestly surprised me nearly as much was
“In our state if I put it on video I can give permission to do that. They call it informed none-concent, I looked it up a few years ago”
I then looked myself and she was right. It is legal as long as she places it in writing or video and the statement can be proven to have come from her it is legal.
Now I’m sitting in my truck eating lunch trying to come to terms with what she told me. The conversation was much longer, however the only other meaningful part is that she “needs that to be truly happy.”
TLDR
wife told me last night she’s a Nymfo who wants to be taken without permission even if she fights back!
I have no idea how to approach this or how to handle it. Do I do what she wants? I have no idea! I love her and want her to be happy, I have fantasized about M/S before but to the level she wants? Please help any advice is greatly appreciated!
39 comments
#NymFoSho
I would get your video consent for your safety, and probably start out slow by doing things like being more dominant or commanding things if that is what she is into.
I certainly wouldn’t let it get to the point where it’s against her will even if you have video taped consent. I think she’s going a little bit overboard on that one.
When I was younger, my wife certainly enjoyed me being the dominant one. I still wouldn’t move past if she said no or was uncomfortable.
Also it is spelled “Nympho”. I also don’t wanting to be dominated means she is a nympho. That’s more a long the lines of a woman open to giving it up to any guy at any time.
Hey,
Firstly this is normal and alot of women have this kink. Its not anything to be worried about.
Secondly thats really nice of you to let her feel comfortable to tell you whats on her mind.
Thirdly this is something you both will need to be comfortable about, talk to her and have a detailed conversation. Tell her this is all new to you so its something that you have to build upto. Start exploring those areas and then you can have a talk and see if you both want to continue.
Good luck
Why don’t you start with the “free use” angle? You’re focusing on the non-consent, so start there instead and ease your way into more as you feel comfortable. Set clear boundaries and have fun.
well your wife basically covered all the bases. all you have to do is get the video of her consenting and then basically just do the acts she wants. just make sure you back up the video just in case and take things slow. who knows you might discover a more dominating side to you.
ps make a safe word for her to use.
Where to start. First, have her do the video and save it somewhere where your kids can’t find it later on. Lock box app etc.
Next safety words are necessary, and a good pet name or what to call her or preferably what you want her to be called. That goes to what it this relationship is, daddy dom, or slave and master, etc, etc.
My suggestion is going to start with a lot of build up, as what she wants is very cerebral then to actually act it out. So, building it up while at work. Taking a break and sending her what you plan on doing with her when you get home. Building up more over lunch, then continue until you get home, kids are in bed, then you actually act it out. Trust me chores, become a thing you both do together and it becomes very playful during this time. Once the kid is in bed, this is where you can try new things, as her body is yours to explore. This can be anything from just some light torture, whips, cuffs, etc. Then you get into various mouth and finger play, making her squirt, etc. Your sex life with someone like this can be fantastic, you just have to embrace that dominant side, assuming you have it. Trust me it can be absolutely stimulating and make for a great relationship.
dud get video consent and a writing consent do multiple copies keep one in a safety deposit box only you have access to and don’t tell her where it is she could be sitting you up as abusive , when its all done and you legally covered your ass go a head , remember happy wife happy life and if you don’t do what she wants she will probably find someone who will so man up and go to town on your wife good luck and may the odds be in your favor.
It seems to me that her telling you this means she feels incredibly safe and loved with you. It’s not easy to divulge these kinds of intimate secrets with someone, especially when it earned her a bad reputation in the past, but she did with you. That’s huge, so make sure you don’t make her regret that – which sounds ominous but it’s pretty easy to do. Just be open, reassure her that everything is ok, and her confession doesn’t fundamentally change anything. Communication is key.
It sounds like she’s done a good amount of reading on this. Maybe before acting on anything physically, ask her if there’s any material to help you understand better. Look into it yourself and work with her to come up with some terms of an agreement. Your comfort matters here, too, don’t forget that. Explore together, sometimes you don’t know what you like until you try it. You’ll come up with your own weird little world of fantasy that you get to act out with mutual love and trust. The best way to approach this is informed and open-minded. I’d say you have an amazing opportunity here to grow closer and more satisfied as a couple. Good luck, stay safe, and have fun!
OP,
Just like everyone else says. Get the video. Get the grandparents to watch your daughter for a long weekend, rent a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and start exploring.
This is much more common than you think.
CNC is practiced by many and there are a ton of resources online to get you started. Do research, see what’s involved.
After that, decide if you’re comfortable with it. If you want to give it a go, have her do the video consent and start a dialogue with her regarding what she is and is not comfortable with and what her limits are.
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first you have to get her into a polygraph
As she said, she had not sat quietly for years!
a situation contrary to this structure,
then you have to go to the internet, you start to improve yourself for your wife’s condition
You don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable just because it’s her kink
Idk how sexual you are as a person, but this is many men’s dream.
There’s nothing wrong with it so long as she’s ok with it. You guys need to talk about a safe word for emergencies—if she refuses a safe word for you both to use (or even if she refuses one for herself) then it needs to be off the table. There has to be a kill switch so that the role playing doesn’t go too far under any circumstances.
Just make sure you’re respectful and loving like you’ve been, and everything will be ok. Sounds like maybe you should walk up to your wife right now and rip her yoga pants open from behind and have your way with her…
That’s what I’d do if I were you lol. You can be aggressive without being rough. Id start with that. Just doing what you want without asking, maybe like switching positions aggressively, etc. idk. I’m not good at explaining this.
This is where safe words come in.
What you’re describing seems to be a cross between ’free use’ ( you can start sexual activity of your choice at any point and she’ll go along with it) and consensual non-consensual activity (CNC – you act out forced sex activities where your wife would play the role of r*pe victim)
You would need a safe-word that halts everything IMMEDIATELY. Example ‘trombone’. You’d be able to approach her and start doing whatever and, if she felt like she wanted to stop, instead of saying “No, stop” like usual, she’d instead say “trombone!”. This is because ‘stop’ and ‘no’ become part of the play time.
I’d suggest starting lightly.
Establish your safe words (you get one too in case you feel things are getting out of hand), discuss limits – for both of you.
Establish your vocabulary (some people might be ok with ‘sl*t’ or ‘wh*re’ but are dead set against ‘b*tch’. You need to make sure that she gets aroused but not actually insulted). Maybe she’d prefer it if you didn’t speak at all and treated her like furniture. Communicate what’s needed. This is supposed to be fun for everyone.
Set limits for impact. Is she OK with being grabbed and pulled? (Example: forcing her down on her knees), is she ok with a spank or a paddle, etc.
Buddy i thought you said there was a problem?
The hells a nympfo?
My husband is very gentle or was very gentle. I expressed my needs needing him to be dominant in bed. I need to be choked until I couldn’t breathe, i need to be slapped in the face / but / thighs or whatever, I need to be tossed around, and I love feeling constrained. He was like confused but he did what he had to do and it was easy to tell he was very much into it as well.
There does need to be safe words or signals for just incase. You need to set boundaries for what is ok and what is not ok. Other than that get the consent and enjoy yourself. Spice up your marriage best thing you can do
Fake af. Work on your dialogue
So make sure you have a safe word. Don’t agree to this without on.
As to the video stuff, that’s can help but learn about CNC (consensual non consent) and safe words. Take to people in the BDSM community how to do this.
She is placing huge trust in you and that is a gift to be cherished no matter what you decide. And you can give her what she wants and needs in a way that at it’s core honors her trust and your love.
Good luck.
My ex wife told me the same thing, as we were trying to work on our rapidly collapsing marriage.
Turns out she just wanted me to force myself on her so she could accuse me of rape and look better to her family and friends after she started a relationship with another man.
My point is, be very careful with this stuff. Consent is not something you mess with
What’s the question? Help your girl out. Why overthink it? Take her.
Do people just not read anymore? TF is a nymfo? How did you get the “y” part right and then put an “f” in there?
Dude you found a unicorn – for two reasons. The fact that she has that kink at all is incredible but it’s a personal preference for me and secondly, the fact that she shared it with you openly. You’re in a very unique place and you can make all her fantasies come true without judgment and shame. She will love you forever and you’re intimacy/connection will probably grow stronger than ever. You might find that you like it and if you do, your relationship will be stronger and more passionate than ever. If you’re not into it, you guys probably just aren’t compatible in the bedroom which in my opinion is a really really bad thing.
Your wife has a CNC(Consensual Non-Consenual) and “Free-Use” kink. It can be overwhelming to someone who has never seriously acted on it or really even thought of it. I have to tell you to set boundaries and hold those boundaries on what you want. I have been in both of these types of relationships and they can be extremely fun and emotionally fulfilling but can be draining as well. Communication is the key. Good luck.
As I’ve seen you reply in other comments, fantasy can be different once it’s actually done. I enjoyed the book Haunting Adeline, would I want to be stalked and raped with a gun? Abso-fucking-lutely not!
I would recommend starting slow and working through what you’re comfortable with. For all you know she may discover she absolutely hates being dominated 🤷🏻♀️
You need to acknowledge how vulnerable she just made herself to you.
And then say you’re all in, but that you need to learn how do it together
Don’t sacrifice your own boundaries to try to be someone sexually that you’re not. Aggressive borderline non-consensual sex is just not something I would imagine would be fulfilling for everyone, so think long and hard (no pun intended) before engaging.
Honestly compared to most sexual problems people have this is a dream. You have to be into it at least enough to make it work for her. Horrible that you may get off 2 or 3 times a day, we hate you for that.
CNC is a common kink, just not one that many get to experience, as the submissive is really submissive.
Free-use is another one that matches up. You just make her take it whenever you want. She may like it when it is least convenient for her.
Breeding is a aligned kink as well. She wants finished inside, so she can fear pregnancy, or secretly want it.
Good luck. Consent and communication is the key.
My wife has this same kink. I obliged her before. And she loved it. She has told me multiple times during our relationship and marriage. “To take me whenever you want me. Even if I say no.” I tried that one part once because I knew she said she wanted it. But, it felt wrong to me and I couldn’t even begin to start. So, we both agreed that last part won’t happen. Over all, the intimacy in our bed life has increased alot. And she has even started making advances and initiating sex. Something she would never do before. What I’m saying, get a list of exactly what she is and isn’t comfortable with. Get video consent. And have at it. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what it does for your relationship
Wow, your wife’s desires are certainly… unique. But hey, at least she’s spicing things up in the bedroom, right? Maybe invest in some fluffy handcuffs, just to be safe.
Dude you had a gem all those years and you didn’t even know it. Make her happy!
Consent non-consent is pretty common. It’s important to have a discussion about what is strictly off bounds, and make a safe word to make sure the first consent of CNC is still there. You can’t force yourself to be into it though, so if you’re not, then you’re not
CNC isn’t an unheard of kink. Set boundaries, safe words, and make sure you communicate clearly with each other.
You do not have to do anything you are uncomfortable doing
Lol mines a nympo to she just fucks everything but me…and won’t admit it
Try it out.
>I then looked myself and she was right. It is legal as long as she places it in writing or video and the statement can be proven to have come from her it is legal.
Look, I’m happy for you that this whole entirely fictional exchange took place with your imaginary wife. I hope you enjoy getting off to all the comments, and I don’t begrudge you your creative writing exercise.
However, don’t start making up nonsense about how this stuff is “legal if there’s a video consenting in advance”. Thats neither true nor necessary – consenting BDSM play doesn’t require filmed agreement, and actual non consenting sexual assault wouldn’t be considered legal even if such a video were to surface.
Teenagers (the only people likely to believe this nonsense post) don’t need to be misinformed in this way.
***UPDATE***
I figured I would go ahead and update you guys… SURPRISE! I.. The wife.. Do indeed exist 🙄.
Hubby and I had this conversation about my bedroom interests a while ago, it just came up again recently and we went back and forth for awhile. He asked if he could post about it for advice and I said “Go for it”. The way I see it, if it helps put him at ease to get advice why not see what someone on the “outside” has to say.
We both filled out the kink questionaire (over 200 questions) and sat down and talked about both our likes and dislikes, we were both surprised to find out how many of them we actually agreed on. We want to thank everyone for the advice, we will be doing a video/write up in regards to the NCN (not so much for me because I’m not a vindictive b*tch..but for his own peace of mind as we have both read/heard reddit stories where the guy was tried for rape over NCN play, as well as other types of play) We will also be coming up with safewords/gestures. We will be taking baby steps as we start to explore new things to try in the bedroom.
For those of you saying he’s going to end up charged, I feel bad for you, it’s a shame that the conduct of one or a few has skewed your view of the many. Unicorns do exist, however sometimes you have to make it past all the muck to find them.