I’ll begin this post by warning that english is not my first language, so sorry in advance.

I’ll try to give some structure to my question. My father always told me that his “mental” (personality and etc) self stopped changing by his early twenties, from that age onwards he says that only his “outer shell” was getting older.

I’ve been having a mental struggle for awhile, i’m about to turn 24 but can’t see myself as an adult. Next semester i’ll finish my engineering bachelors with a job already lined up, but i don’t feel prepared for life i guess?

My dad, and most of the people i know from his generation, had a job without a degree, with that money he bought a house and cars to then start a family with my mom. I strongly believe that all these responsabilities and commitments made a difference in terms of him being mature or not, because with the path i took i don’t feel “ready”.

Talking a little about myself, i’ve always had confidence problems. Anytime i meet someone, even if they are younger than me, something inside me tells me that for some reason, he has more “life experience” than me. And that’s probably not even wrong. I’ve always attended and been really focused in school, went to pursue my degree, did several interships and even wrote papers, but when it comes to life i don’t perceive myself as a “men”. I feel that something is missing in my “mental” self, something that maybe makes people feel mature and “ready”? Or perhaps my lack of confidence get’s in the way? I don’t know.

Sometimes i think this a fake it until you make it kinda of situation, that the perspective we had as children that adults knew what they were doing (several will never know lol) is exaggerated . But, surely sometime along life there is a “click” in your head that makes you perceive yourself as a responsible man.

Did you guys notice that you were becoming more mature with age? Or perhaps with life’s responsabilites? I’m genuinely curious.

9 comments

  2. I started to feel mature around 25. I was then already moved away from parents, living with my then gf and working and discussing next step in our relationship. We both at the time worked and traveling half around the world and wasn’t dependent of our parents. So for me it was around 25. Work, and living by yourself makes you grow up. Now over 30, energy level isn’t what it used to be.

  4. I’m 32 and the older I get the less I know what I’m doing with my life. I felt much more adult when I was 20 than today. In my opinion you will always perceive yourself as you. I had an image of myself on my thirties, which seems like another person in my mind. But here I am, still the same me. Lots of have changed, for sure. I can’t barely relate to the person I was 10 years ago, still, I feel I’m me. I thought there would be this turning point where I would look at myself and say “ok, I’m an adult now” but that never happened. Just, life happened, and you just go living it. Most people admit they have changed a lot on the past 10 years, yet only a few admit they will change a lot on the next 10. I believe that’s tells a lot how we perceive ourselves.

  5. It’s still occurring in my mid-30s for me. I feel younger than I am. When I was a kid the earliest I registered my dad’s age was when he turned 40 so I imagine that will be some subconscious threshold for me.

  6. I’m 42, and what I’ve learned is that, when we’re young, we think adulthood is going to feel like something. We think that adulthood entails some kind of preparedness or certainty. The truth is that adulthood doesn’t feel like anything and nobody ever feels prepared.

    You’re imagining a lot of things. When you try to map what you’ve imagined onto the real world, it doesn’t match up. Then, you feel confused. What you’re waiting for doesn’t exist. Just live your life. Be who you are whoever you are. Don’t worry about comparing yourself to others.

  7. You’re doing fine. When you start working, you will be making money. Keep living like a college student and save, save, save! I’ve seen way too many kids go from being poor to having more money than they are used to and just lose their minds on spending. Check out DaveRamsey.com

  8. Had a protracted illness that definitely should’ve killed me and very nearly did. It was a pretty stark “before-after” experience for me. I figured I’d “earned” manhood at that point, and I didn’t let anyone take that claim away from me even though I was still young.

    Funny thing about trauma is it simultaneously makes you feel like a withered old man and a scared little boy. Weird shit.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like