Last week my mother suffered her gravest domestic abuse yet; she was shown a knife by father and told that if she wants to separate, he will put a knife to her neck. She wanted to leave, we helped her move, and now she is safe at my place.
My father threw a tantrum. He is the victim, he did not threaten her with a knife, he doesn’t understand why she left and is genuinely angry that we are not pushing for her to come back ( we = siblings). We sat him down, I point blank told him he is a narcissist, an abusive husband and father, and he could go to jail if she goes to the police ( she doesn’t for now, although she is being taken care of by the state’s abuse program). Of course, all he understood is that his wife is cheating on him because she took all her make up and he was wronged.
On Thursday I went to see him. He was bad mouthing me with my aunt and uncle, saying I am not treating him well, and in general being the big baby he is. I offered to take some food for him, as he doesn’t know how to do anything house related, and spoke a bit.
He told me he cannot take it any longer, that if she doesn’t come back, he will sell the house ( he cannot, its jointly owned), then demanded that I convince mother to come back. I told him no, as this is between himself and mum. He got angry and said that he has no support from us.
Now, I have suffered emotional and physical abuse from this man for 35 years. I cannot take any abuse from him any longer. However, I did not get angry and told him that he lied to us about what happened ( he told us he had a knife in hand because he was cutting some tape.. for work.. at midnight. He told his sister that he “may” have banged a door.) . I confronted him, told him that he is lying about everything and I know. Told him that he should seek professional help. He said he is but mum should come home first. I told him that is not up to him.
He then got angry again and told me that he will sell the house and that we will all have to leave. I left there and then and blocked him from everywhere. He messaged my mum later telling him that he lost me and that his family is broken now.
For the time being, I don’t want to speak to him. I’m considering doing it as a life long thing, but its too early and I don’t want to rush. I have been in therapy for four years, and I am still finding it hard to deal with the anger I have towards him. I cannot even begin to explain what anger I have towards him, for all the needless abuse me and mother and my siblings have suffered.
I wrote a lot. In simple terms, if anyone has any advice to give, I would be most grateful. Thank you.