my boyfriend and i are both 20 and i’m going to have sex for the first time. problem is… it hurts like HECK whenever he tries to put his dick in me. i know it’s supposed to hurt but the pain is unbearable so i made him stop and were going to try again later. i’ve never put anything inside me or fingered myself before so idek what i’m doing, and he tried to finger me and even that hurt a ton so i don’t know how this is going to work. he’s also on the bigger side and the thought is kinda scaring me.
i’m really nervous and i know that can cause issues so i’ll try relaxing more when we try again. is there anything else that i can do to make it go in easier? does lube actually help?
also, no weird comments? pls?
4 comments
His bigger size will affect your first time for sure, lube definitely will help & slow all of this down. Relax into it, make sure the foreplay is hitting the spot for both of you, maybe try to get him to finger you first slowly.
You need to take one step at a time. You need to be able to comfortably with pleasure be able to take a finger in your vagina before thinking about PIV.
It’s not actually necessary for it to hurt, more than some discomfort anyway, its just that most women are not properly warmed up their first time.
Also vaginas do not get loose but these muscles do sorta have to learn how to stretch properly/easily, same with how these nerves have also never felt anything before. So it might take a lil bit of practice before your body figures out the sensation is ‘good intense’ as opposed to ‘borderline pain intense’
>is there anything else that i can do to make it go in easier?
There’s no shortcut here. As you have never fingered yourself or penetrated yourself before, it’s gonna take some time to get yourself stretched out for making a finger and then a penile penetration possible.
You guys should be relaxed and be entirely slow and calm about the process and don’t use any force any time to force fingers or his penis inside you as it’s gonna end up hurting and probably injuring either of you and does nothing good.
The key is to have a lot of foreplay to make yourself aroused and wet. Even if you’re dripping wet, use a lube and top it off as it dries. Try getting one finger inside you first and proceed with it slowly, get it cm after cm or by mm inside you and stop if things start hurting and resume the attempt after some timeout. Make sure to get a finger further inside each time. Once you get one inside you comfortably, then it’s time for two fingers. And follow the exact same procedure here. After you can get two fingers in comfortably, then you can go about trying with a toy or penile penetration. If your bf is well endowed then it’s better if you proceed with a toy followed by him. And the exact same procedure to be followed there too.
All these things may take a few attempts and sessions to accomplish and be patient and consistent about your efforts. One thing that could help here is if you start fingering yourself in the gaps between your attempts with your boyfriend, as it could aid in the process of stretching yourself. There are also dilators of different sizes available that could be useful. It’s also useful in something known as vaginismus too.
One more thing to remember here is that there is something knows as vaginismus. It’s when you can’t even get even the tip of any finger inside you even after multiple attempts and trying that itself will induce pain and contractions in your vagina. The same could happen even after penetration in some, and they will feel the fingering to be painful and have painful vaginal contractions that eventually makes them stop doing things. So if you experience anything similar to this, then it’s good to see a doctor or a pelvic floor therapist.