For men who never knew their father but eventually found them later in life, what was your experience?

I was born without knowing my father. At the time my mother was in a rough spot in her life so she’s never had much details to offer from the handful of times I’ve asked. She left when I was 10 and raised by my grandmother who died almost a decade ago. I’m in my early 30s and making an attempt to find him. Several years ago a girl I was with, at the time, had me do an ancestry DNA test but matches were very distant and I ignored it. Back in 2019 I had a match with someone that was closer but not that close. We talked and learned some pretty dark things regarding her father with warnings that I may not like what I find. So I decided to put it out of my mind. I was a college drop out who had just gotten back to school and close to finishing so I decided it was more important.

Well a week ago I checked and found someone even closer, possibly a half-cousin. We are in contact and her mother has agreed to do a test, as well, to see if we can further narrow things down. Having a lead so close opened up this old wound in me regarding my father. Throw in a mother who left and I’ve realized how deep this wound goes. I start randomly crying and I’ve probably cried more in the past week than I have several years. Additionally, I need to likely be prepared for something that could be ugly/dark. There’s already enough on my mother’s side from alcoholism, physical abuse, and sexual abuse (including directed towards children) so I think I’m mentally prepared. I just wasn’t expecting the random crying I’ve been doing. Does anyone have an experiences/thoughts they could share?