Hey all, I made a post before about this situation.
So TL;DR of the last post in case you don’t want to read it: this online friend of hers is really flirty to her and kinda crosses boundaries I’m not okay with based on what I saw. She’s part of a WoW guild and he’s the leader so they became friends. I snooped and she was disappointed but said she had nothing to hide so snoop away.
So for new development stuff: This dude apparently constantly slides into other girls in the guild DM’s regardless of if they’re taken, he calls all the girls weird pet names and in their WoW discord (he is the leader of the guild), puts them all in their own role that has a secret chat apparently of all girls that he’s a part of as well. He brags about his hook ups and sex stories, he makes sexual jokes all the time, he makes fun of ugly girls on tinder (makes fun of their weight, make up, and “body count” -> his words).
And recently I saw messages again (my girlfriend was showing me a funny meme he sent her so I saw their chat) and he was calling her babe, flirty and sending lots of hearts.
To make it very clear my girlfriend never reciprocates and turns a blind eye to it. I trust her and she even said I can snoop all I want. I asked her to set boundaries because I am uncomfortable with him but she got really upset at me saying she’ll do it because she respects our relationship but it’s not because there’s a problem with it. She’s super big on the destroying gender norms thing where it’s like guys and girls can be close and weird with each other just like how bromances or girls and girls are. And I’m fine with that. I get it but this dude screams really sus and weird to me given all the information I have. It makes me wonder why everyone is okay with him. She said there should be no problem because everyone is okay with it and that it’s between them.
My girlfriend has shut down all conversation about it and says she is done talking about it after agreeing to setting boundaries with him and telling him to stop calling her babe and being flirty.
My issue is I feel like I should tell her to just cut him off but I’m unsure if this is the right thing to ask for or if I should just come to terms with it. Any advice is appreciated! Harsh or not haha.
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**TL;DR:** Girlfriends online friend from WoW guild is super weird to me and crosses boundaries. He calls her babe, sends hearts, is flirty. However, he does this to all the girls and he’s even weirder than I thought where he separates them in their own role for their WoW guild discord and there’s a chat accessible there that the girls and he can access only. He makes sexual jokes, talks about all the hookups he has, insults other girls on tinder if he finds them “ugly”. My girlfriend turns a blind eye to it but it makes me wonder why she’s even friends with him in the first place and I want to ask her to cut him off but I’m not sure if this is the right course of action (as it is pretty controlling but this dude just doesn’t seem like a good person) or if I should just come to terms with it. She agreed to set boundaries and tell him to stop but has since shut down the conversation and won’t talk about it anymore.
6 comments
I just read the tldr only. Yes, tell her to cut him off. How is this appropriate? And more importantly, why does she think it’s ok to continue talking to him? It’s disrespectful to ur relationship.
She lets you snoop and she set boundaries on your request. She did what you asked her to and It’s time to give her some leeway too. She is angry that you try to control her social life and it seems you do not trust her even though she gave you access to all of her interactions with him. You made it clear that you think he’s a douche, but she is an adult and she can decide very well for herself who she wants to chat with.
She may be reluctant to cut him off or outright tell him no, because he will likely retaliate.
When I was in WoW, I had a guild leader who was somewhat similar. He even had an irl fiance that he cheated on constantly. He would talk to all the girls, including me. I would grey rock him generally, and just try to be chill.
Suddenly he started ignoring me completely in the guild, wouldn’t take my ‘dkp bids’ for loot, ignore me when making groups, etc. When I asked him why, he said it was because he felt that he could leave his fiance for me, and that was dangerous.
I made the mistake of laughing, because wtf we hardly talked and certainly nothing romantic. So then it got worse. I was shit talked constantly, I flat out wasn’t allowed to get any loot at all, and he turned all the officers against me. Eventually I had to leave despite knowing these people for years and having friends in the guild. It was devastating.
Ultimately after a few months I realized it was like getting out of a toxic relationship. Sure I had friends or good times, but that didn’t matter when it came down to it.
Or you know, she actually does think she’s a special cool girl with whom “it’s different” and likes the attention.
If I was her, I would just block the guy, but that is the current me talking. The past me would have enjoyed the attention from him but also felt bad about it because I had a partner.
Private chats of any kind are weird and when the person starts to make it into a sexual, flirty thing, that is immediately game over for me now and I block them or say I cannot talk to you as I had a problem with cheating in the past and just cannot do it anymore as I do not want to jeopardize my relationship or feel like I have to be sneaky and it is no longer worthwhile.
Way I’m reading this situation is that she likes playing WoW and enjoys the guild, if not particularly their leader. You’ve given her your concerns, she’s articulated the steps she’s going to take, and it looks like y’all are on the right trajectory.
Look… at the end of the day you have to trust your girlfriend’s honor. If she is a good person, she’s not going to throw you over for an obvious jackass like guild guy. What I’m saying is this… **trust your girlfriend**. She seems to have the situation well in hand.
So he’s the guild leader and she has to put up with sexual harassment otherwise he could retaliate and ruin something she loves doing?