I really need advice, as I’m not sure what the right thing to do is. (It’s a bit long but please bear with me)
I, 28F, just moved to a new city in early late January for a job in a city I knew absolutely no one. I got on Hinge and met this guy 27M as one of my first dates here. He is of Indian origin and worked at my company too. Our date was normal, he had a very friendly vibe, we had Thai food, then went to a park and I went home. I didn’t think he was amazing, and good company. And it was one of the very few human interactions I had outside of work.Since then, he texts me almost everyday. I was a new driver at the time so took the bus to work. He offered to pick and drop me from work, and told me he does carpool with a few people. Yet everytime I accepted his offer to pick and drop me, there was no one else in the car. They had some excuse or the other. And he would always insist to go for food as well.
Every weekend, he would ask me what I wanted to do. I would tell him that I wanted to explore some part of the city, he would pick and drop me, insists to pay for food etc. But the vibes were ALWAYS very friendly. He never even touched my hand or stood too close, and we hung out maybe 14-15 times. I was also going out on other dates, and we never even mentioned anything remotely scandalous or romantic, so I had considered him a friend perhaps?
Anyway, everytime I do agree to hang out with him now, he ALWAYS tries to extend it somehow. He says you have to see this park. And then that place ends up being atleast 40 minutes away. Me being introverted but too shy to say no, I go along with it but always feel drained after hanging out with him.For a few weeks in the middle, i always made one excuse or the other to not meet him, and told him I had a few trips planned. And that point, he just offered to pick me and drop me off at the airport since that was the only way we could spend time. For weeks, he texts everyday, I respond each text after 3-4 days and he DOES NOT get the hint.Two weeks ago, he says he’s throwing a birthday dinner, and I thought it would be too rude to not go. So i agreed. He insisted that he pick me up and drop me off from his birthday by sayin i won’t find parking where we’re going (whereas all his other friends found parking just fine). While he was dropping me off, I casually said that I have a boyfriend now. He was completely quiet rest of the ride, didn’t say anything.
Then a few days later texted that we should hang out without other people once. Then i said i’m busy that weekend with chores, and he responds he’d like to accompany me to my grocery run.
I’m honestly getting kinda scared. I don”t know if I should be. But I really don’t know what to do. There’s obviously no vibes, we never call our hangouts a date. They really aren’t, but we did meet on hinge? I’m fraid i’ve gotten him too involved. But I just don’t know how to get rid of him without hurting his ego. Please, any advice would help. Thank you.
3 comments
Your title suggests that this person in question, despite the fact you say you met on Hinge, is someone that you work with?
If so – you probably need to have a talk with your Human Resources Department, especially if he is making you uncomfortable.
If you are not willing to go that route just yet, then, you need to flat out be “honest” with him and tell him that you are not interested in anything more than a friendship with him. You already walked down the road of saying you have a Boyfriend, so, you can reiterate that you are dating someone.
But, if he doesn’t back off you may have no choice but to go to HR
You could tell him your “boyfriend” drives you places now. If that doesn’t work just tell him directly you don’t want to him to drive you around, insist you have a bus pass that you need to use it to get your moneys worth. If none of that works you could just block him and he will hopefully move on.
Tell him, explicitly, to stop interacting with you, then block all means he has of contacting you. Don’t try dropping hunts’ don’t worry about being rude. Document when you told him to cease contact, and document every time he tries to contact you.
If you’re getting scared, *trust your intuition*. This guy is giving off pretty significant stalker red flag behaviors. If law enforcement has to get involved, the documentation helps immensely.