Like as in, is it stronger to have the perseverance and tolerance of others negative comments designed to evoke a reaction? That seems to be depicted as being a doormat and pushover, but if you’re all emotional and angry just to make people back off that seems also very weak because you give them what they want and you lack self control. Should you be tactful and border the line of being respectful to impose boundaries and then get mad at them if they continue? Just not sure which is the best way to handle it.
To be clear, I am fully capable of doing any of those things, i just don’t know if I should.
I know this is based on personal values and is subjective but im having trouble distinguishing my own so id like to hear about others’.
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I also don’t get it. it’s been hard for me to find that ‘border’ for everything social tbh.
Depends primarily on your tolerance for pain and isolation.
In history, people have stood up for themselves for even small perceived slights and have been hailed as cool, strong, popular, respectable, etc. They end up improving their lives and get away with being brave.
In other instances, people have stood up against serious slights like slavery, genocide, and bullying and have been crushed, tortured, isolated, ridiculed, and even killed.
Also, being emotional in response to a slight is only seen as weak if you aren’t perceived as a credible threat. If you can’t rebuke their insult with significant consequences against them, then they will laugh if they see you getting upset. But if you can get them fired, ruin their marriage, or land them in a hospital without experiencing any serious punishments yourself, and they know this, then they’ll likely do everything possible to placate you and apologize.
So the question largely becomes one of power: if they have more power over you than vice versa, then it’s much more costly to stand up for yourself and you might only do it if timing is in your favour or if the consequences are grave if you don’t.
If you are in the power position, then standing up for yourself for even minor slights can potentially be worth it, although if they are minor it might be more suitable to ignore them and keep enjoying yourself, since they wouldn’t have the power to stop you, them being the weaker party.
Try looking at people in your life you admire. How do they uplift you, how do they deal with conflict? And that’s “people” in the plural, because unless you knew Mister Rogers in his prime, it’s very unlikely that one person embodies everything that you value socially. It can be difficult to create values from nothing, but you can pick and choose what values you like from people and then practice those in your daily life.
Consider the pros and cons of standing up for yourself. If you think you’re mentally prepared to accept all of the negative consequences, then do it. Whatever happens afterward, own and accept the consequences.
This does not need to involve anger as a response. You don’t need to ‘be tactful’ but harboring resentment underneath the surface.
You can be assertive and straight to the point in setting your boundaries. No need to ignore or yelling at them.
Also, you need to get personal genuine confidence, to the point you really know your worth, regardless of what others say. This means you can also laugh at them for being so silly, ignore or get angry if you want to.
If I ever fight someone I’ll be trying to kill them the fastest way possible. Fighting for “honor” or any less valuable than a human life is absolutely stupid.
Well, Kevin, when it comes to standing up for yourself, I’d say the best approach is to do it with a twist of humor. Make ’em laugh and forget the insults!