My (21M) girlfriend (20F) was sleeping with her ex while we were dating and i’m still not over it.

Throwaway account as my friend group knows my username.

First of all, we’ve been in a relationship for half a year, I love her and she’s been an amazing partner. I won’t let my insecurities ruin what we have it just sometimes gets to me and I’m not sure how to cope with it – I therefore decided to ask you guys. Should I just delete it from my mind or should I be more stern with this?

This might be a little convoluted so I’ll portray this via a timeline with “Day 0” being the day we became official.

This situation involves my girlfriend (let’s call her Alison), her ex (Blake – 22M), her past situationship (Charles – 20’sM) and a local youtube celebrity that both watched when we were younger (Edward – 26M)

———

-4 Months:
Alison and me are dating other people. We know of each other but I wouldn’t even call us acquaintances.

-3 Months:
Blake broke up with Alison in a really messy way. I was in a weird situationship.

-2 Months:
Alison sleeps with Blake and tells her friends that she misses him a lot. Me and Alison began talking and spending time together.

-1 Month:
Alison is on good terms and spends some time with Blake (he found someone else so the sex has stopped) despite him acting weird and being verbally aggressive for no reason from time to time (which he was even during their relationship). I don’t mind them spending time together as Alison assured me she is over Blake and they weren’t sleeping with each other anymore.

Me and Alison begin developing feelings for each other.

-1 Week:
Me and Alison are spending almost every day with each other. We become quite lovey-dovey and I’m seriously considering dropping the “so you want to be exclusive and official” question.

-2 Days:
Alison goes to her friend’s birthday party where she gets drunk, high on weed and molly and into a threesome with Blake and a local youtube celebrity Edward who’s a friend of the birthday girl.

She had previous experiences with drugs but she never was as sexually adventurous and she never went through “a hoe phase” (I apologise for the lack of better wording).

She told me about the drugs but nothing about the threesome but I have my suspicions (overthinking is my favourite hobby).

Day 0:
As I help her prepare for a weekend trip to her parents house I ask whether she’d like to keep us exclusive. She says that she wanted to ask me earlier but was too shy and after a short dialogue we are now an official couple.

She immediately tells Blake about thisas he was probably the best friend she had at the time (despite him making zero effort and acting more and more as a POS towards her).

Week 1:
We spend even more time together and everything keeps getting better and better.

She tells me about a threesome (she doesn’t tell who it was with and when it happened so I assume it was in the distant past) as we’re sharing our sexual experiences.

She keeps spending time with Blake both one-on-one and in a group. They are basically besties. Which made my brain to overthink a bit but I never expressed it in any way.

She keeps making comments like “Molly makes everything so sexual, it’s so cool.” and “I’ve never done anything more sexually depraved like the things during that threesome.” which make my suspicions go through the roof. I keep suppressing them as I know that my depression and anxiety sometimes try to mess things up for the sake of basking in misery.

They are texting a lot, playing games, shopping together etc.

Blake made a promise to pay half of her rent and utilities until she finds a roommate, which was rather thoughtful.

Week 2:
Blake wants to sleep over at Alison’s. She refuses. He gets mad, insults both of us. From this point on he acts like an asshole 100% of the time. They stop spending time together and he ties all social media contact (unfollowing, unfriending etc. everywhere). So does Edward.
She is upset by this and keeps saying something along the lines “Hm, he still follows his ex that ghosted him but not me LMAO.” And “I bet he told Edward some shit about me and that’s why he unfollowed me, ugh”.

Blake stops paying half of Alison’s rent and as she’s faced with eviction I pay for for him.

My suspicions are unbearable at this point so I ask her about her relationship with Blake and what happened after it ended. She tells me everything (for which I am very grateful and I respect her a lot for that). I’m overflowing with emotions but manage to stay calm and just thank her her for telling me.

She says that she regretted it the moment it ended and that she was afraid I wouldn’t be okay with it in which case she’d just tell me “I did nothing wrong”. She also tells me that she understands that I’m not feeling completely okay and that she’d feel devastated if it happened to her.

Week 3:
She left her journal open on her table (I didn’t know it was her personal journal at the time) and there were some beautiful and horrific things written in it. She was writing about how much she loves me, how I treat her way better than any of her exes but she is sure that I’ll abandon her and that she’s unsure whether she deserves someone better than me.

She also wrote about how she only noticed me because I look like Charles, how “a drop of attention from him is A L L I N E E D” and how she’d drop everything for him if only he reached out to her.

She then writes how she’s excited because we confessed our love to each other but sad that Charles unfollowed her yet happy that he thought of her.

I understand that this was just melancholy fuelled edgy scrambling.

Day 205: Now

———

With her assuring that she’s over Blake and they are not sleeping together anymore and them then spending a lot of time together and her making weird comments about it while I was oblivious it just makes me feel miserable. The Charles thing did not help at all.

I discussed this with some of my friends and most called me stupid. Some called me strong.

TL;DR:
My girlfriend still had strong feelings for some of her exes for some time during our relationship and it makes me feel insecure.