TLDR, boyfriends friend venting and saying bad things about him to me, the new partner.
Hi all, I (26F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been together 4 months now and fell in love pretty hard. We are still learning about each other, but we’re both pretty certain each other is the one. He’s just the best, love him so much. The only issue we’ve ever had is that he’s been a bit of a chronic oversharer about his past, which is a hard thing for me because it’s a new relationship and I have OCD so any little details can fester in my mind and become really difficult to deal with.
I had to really put up a boundary to not discuss things in his past that I didn’t need to know, mainly just one night stands or flings etc. my attitude was if it wasn’t meaningful I don’t need to know. I’ve kept the details of most of my past from him because it was just single times, not relevant at all to our relationship, and I don’t want him to have any doubts or worries or images in his head of me with other people.
Anyway, he listened! There was a girl who’s friends of friends visiting town a couple weeks ago, she came by the house where he and all his friends live, and he didn’t know she’d be there but told me after the fact they had a brief fling over a recent holiday before we met. I was so proud of the way he handled it! He felt guilty for not telling me straight away but I was so grateful I didn’t have to meet her with that image in my head. Plus she was so chill and nice, no weird vibes or any feelings involved, just one of those yolo things you do when you’re single.
Ok here’s the troublesome part, I had drinks with his female friend last night who he’s known for a long time and she started weirdly talking shit about him to me and asking me to keep this between us. She started off with that situation with that girl, I’d mentioned he’d filled me in and she gave me all these unnecessary details and said she was angry at him for sleeping with someone in the extended friend group (when her own boyfriend and brother have both done that). She told me too many graphic details and it just really upset me. She also brought up old old old beef between them, and just had a lot of negative things to say.
I feel really upset and confused now, why did she say all this? Why did she feel it necessary to pass judgement on his single exploits to his new girlfriend? First of all it’s distressing for me to hear and second of all… he was single and so was the other girl, they weren’t hurting anybody, was he supposed to not hook up with someone just in case in 7 months someone would tell his new GF?
I’ve spoken to my bf about it, and he feels really betrayed by his friend. We both think it’s such strange behavior to try and talk shit about your friend to their new partner and neither of us can wrap our head around why. She would then say “oh I love him so much, he’s my favorite person in the world, we’ve known each other so long and I’m so glad he’s finally met the perfect girl for him.”
Such a mindfuck!
1 comment
It sounds like she’s trying to sabotage your relationship for some reason. I can’t think of another reason why a person with basic social skills would think it’s ok to bash their friend to their friend’s significant other especially when it doesn’t sound like you knew her closely prior to your relationship starting.
It could be she thinks he’s too good for you or you’re too good for him. It could be as a punishment for the way she perceives he acted. It could be that she doesn’t like the role she plays in his life when he’s seeing somebody versus when he’s single.