I can never know why I’m disliked

Im a 37 years old man, and I struggle so much with even finding someone who will like me. I have lived with depression and anxiety for over 10 years, and Im medicated and seeing a therapist (must be on my 6th one now). Ive been told im good-looking, but I sincerely doubt it, as Im 355 lbs, about 5 foot 10 inches tall. I try to be funny when Im out there, but when i get home Im completely drained. My hobbies are video gaming (not online), building gunpla (Gundam plastic models), and watching movies, series, and anime. I do some reading as well. But other than that, I dont do much because Im not motivated to do so. I dislike hiking, and where Im living, it seems its universal thing to do (the town doesnt have much entertainment). I dont see the point in going out to places on my own, whether for sightseeing, hiking, or anything else. In fact, I feel even worse when Ive tried, because I realize how lonely I am and I think people can tell my loneliness, and of course I worry about what others think when they see a lone, fat guy trying to look ok and interested in the present outside activity. Volunteering? I think people can tell thats the lonely person’s go to activity to “combat” depression, but I dont see how it solves anything. I dread people at work asking me what I did in holidays or weekends or what plans I have for those occasions, because the answer is basically resting up (because I cant seem to sleep much or well enough during my work weeks), and just doing the hobbies I described before, and I know people find them boring. Some do say “nice”, but I know its BS, and ive even had people straight out say thats boring.
When I started working where I am now, I met this girl, a few years younger than me, working in a different department from mine. Long story short, we had exchanged some small conversations since I do understand we got work to do. We even texted back and forth talking about small thing and cute animals even. I used to bring my own lunch and we would compare and talked about healthy food and such. One Sunday, I get a text from her asking if it was ok for her to drop in by my place, to get to see it and have a small chat. This is highly irregular for me, nobody has asked me that before, or ever expressed any interest in visiting me. She came and had a brief pleasant time talking. I did put in some charm, but im being too generous calling it that, since Im not good at it. So since that day, the back and forth continued, and I tried hard not to make any assumptions or have expectations. She even wanted me to go over to her place to show me, and meet her cat and later, her new puppy. Some time after that, everything started going to shit. I tried inviting her to come see a movie with me, and I get the answer “I’ll pass, thanks”. Having lunch together at our break: same answer. Accompany me to the field for work (I have to go to the field, she doesnt, but has gone with other coworkers): again “I’ll pass”. I stopped asking altogether. There was even a time when she mentioned about her showing me a great place to have lunch at an area I visit for work, but this time I said, “that would be great, but I wont hold my breath”, because at this point I knew she was never coming with me anywhere. Through other interactions we touch the subject of being at work to work and not make friends, particularly when I used to talk to her about being closer to my own coworkers. Now, I only get a plain “good morning”, not even turning away from her monitor to look at me. I say good morning to everyone I pass by, btw. If I went to engage even in small talk with her, she wouldnt not turn to me either, and even anwering me in a dismissing “meh I dont know” attitude. And yet, she always stops by my cubicle to say goodbye for the day, and she can easily avoid me since my cubicle covers my view of her hallway, I wouldnt know when she leaves. Sometimes she talks to me for more than one sentence, most days, stone cold. Needless to say, I dont know what I did or what happen to get such treatment or even to go out even at friend capacity. I have noticed that she finds so many things boring (the person who said my hobbies are boring is her btw). Ive said to her many times, not even expecting anything romantic, that I hate going to places alone, hence I dont plan hikes and stuff like that, but if im invited I wouldnt say know (Im also worried about looking weak, I dont have the stamina because of my weight; I dont want to hold anyone up or look like a fool for not being in shape). And this has continued on…
I dont know what I have done to deserve any of this. Not even my “friends” text me for anything. Im the one who has to initiate, and because of that, Ive resisted reaching them out (I think that if they dont call, means I will be bothersome if I call). One friend (a different girl) I have given so much for her, and confidec to me to she never considered having a relationship at all, so I never pushed in that direction. Yet I hoped. Today I learned she has had a boyfriend for months, and never bothered to tell me she had moved even (I agreed to send some of her stuff from her move so she didnt have to toss it). I had some hope she would see me romantically, and yet I get this shit, and of course I mentioned, she hadnt reached out to me a while.
Why do I have to go through this?? I dont understand anything. Its really making me sick. I really just want to be dead, yet my responsiblity to my family back home and what others would think, prevents me from taking my own life. but i feel incredibly low, a bad pressure in my chest, a mix of rage and sadness, a wish to get even yet knowing its not possible. Ive started working towards losing weight but I feel hopeless. If nobody likes me at my fattest, whos to say that after im fit and slip up they leave because im no longer attractive. also, thinking that being fit woyld make things like these easier feels very hypocritical to me.
I apologize for how long this has been, but im in real pain. Thank you for taking the time to read. I would really like the input.