He (41M) broke up with me (35F), calling it a “trial separation,” and saying he didn’t want a baby, all we did was fight, and he wasn’t happy. I went ten weeks in limbo, not having much clue what was happening because he watched some stupid “relationship counselors” on YouTube that said minimal-to-no communication is best…even though I sent him an article that suggested establishing some guidelines for such a thing.
Long story short, none of it was true. He has childhood trauma that was never fully worked through. We knew this but never imagined it would manifest in something like this. I began having feelings for someone when he confirmed again that I was single, though in a similar window he was realizing the mistakes he had made, before he found out about this guy. Are there any good books or resources or whatever related to something like this, something that wasn’t a clean break and has all sorts of other complicated layers, uncertainty about whether it’s even over for good, and messiness, etc?
TL;DR The relationship was destroyed (maybe not for good) by childhood trauma and has many messy and complicated layers…are there any resources for something more complicated like this?
ETA: We we’re together nearly seven years and he was the love of my life. The relationship was really pretty great except for this.
3 comments
It sounds like you should go no contact and date the new guy instead.
It sounds like it may be time to move on, don’t let this guy hold you back from moving on. Pursue the new guy and start moving forward
Stop thinking about him and think about yourself. What do you want? Forget the last 7 years because frankly he has, and focus on the past 12 months. How have things been? If you had only known him for 12 months, 6 months, would you want to continue dating him?
If you want to salvage the relationship with your ex, you need to go to couples counseling with him and you neither of you can be seeing other people. What’s going on now has only 1 outcome: a permanent end.