I a (42F) married to a (45m). We’ve been married for over 20 years and have a few kids. I felt he was disconnected and I’ve been complaining about the lack of frequency of intimacy for at least a year, which is still above average for our age. I checked his phone and found he looks at other regular young women’s profiles and the hottie pages a half hour a day across all his social media platforms. After getting upset, I started working to get the spark back. It’s been about a month of me putting in all the effort. Yesterday, he tells me, when I was younger, I constantly thought about you sexually, now I just don’t think of you that way. I am attractive to others. He says his sex drive dropped due to age. That doesn’t explain what he does on his social media. I still am very attractive, work out regularly, dress up etc. We love each other and he always wants to spend time with me, but the passion and attraction is gone from him. I’m not going to divorce over this and am not interested in other men but I feel so broken over this. I need advice.
5 comments
Intimacy is important to you so as your spouse, it should be important to him. Even if he’s got a reduced libido, he should gain some sense of happiness from making you happy. Ask him to try that. If that is not acceptable to you that he feels differently even if he “helps you out”, then you may need to admit you’ve become incompatible.
Please don’t let your husband define how you feel about yourself. I think he was very rude towards you and doesn’t deserve the effort you make for such a long time.
How Stella Got Her Groove Back… watch, take notes and do what makes you happy because you only have one life to live.
I am sorry this is happening. I coached my sister about this exact thing recently. It’s not you! He’s the one who’s changing. Have you thought of therapy?
He could just be LL4U. It happens. Sometimes I wonder about very long term relationships- if couples just eventually end up looking at each other more like siblings than romantic partners.