I (29M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (27F) for a bit more than 7 months.
The thing is I started this relationship for all the wrong reasons. I was in love with a friend of mine for 4 years, told her and she rejected me. I was hurt.
The next day I met my current gf for the very first time. I wasn’t attracted to her but I noticed she was attracted to me so I thought I should give it a try, since I thought she was Ok looking. Big mistake.
She is a bit overweigh and I was never excited when she was texting me and I was always preferring meeting with friends instead of her. She is the one always initiating sex and I find myself trying to find excuses to avoid it and when we do have sex it takes some foreplay for me to get into mood. I thought maybe if she lost some weight, I would be attracted to her but deep down I know it’s not going to happen.
I find myself attracted to other girls a lot and I feel like a jackass. She is a really nice girl, stable, understanding and loving person and I don’t want to hurt her, but this can’t go on for long.
She deserves someone who loves her for what she is. The thing I am her first relationship and her first sexually aswell and I know I will shutter her world if I break up with her.
Sometimes I am wondering if relationships are supposed to be like that after a certain point. I mean people most of the time just settle for someone that doesn’t fully match their wants. I am also thinking I may end up alone and staying with her makes me more jackass.
Should I just try to work through it, even though I am not sexually attracted to her or just break up with her.
TL;DR: Looking for advice to break up with gf of 7 months without hurting her. I am her first.
11 comments
You should’ve broken up with her a long time ago if you wanted to preserve her feelings. Stop leading her on and break things off.
If something with someone doesn’t go well in the future, take time to heal and make sure you’re ready instead of giving another person false hope.
Imagine if the roles were reversed and she wasn’t attracted to you at all, and really was only with you because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
That would suck right? A part of you may have wondered if she could’ve just told you and you could’ve found someone else who’s actually mutually attracted to you.
With that in mind, if you’re not feeling the relationship, then end it. Physical attraction is a big part of being intimate with someone. Sure, for some the attraction could grow over time. But for others, it may just very well grow stale or never emerge.
I’d highly recommend you end it with her. She might be upset with you, but you’ll be doing her a favor in the long run. She deserves to be with someone who finds her attractive – just as you deserve to be with someone whom you find attractive.
Best of luck!
You should definitely break up with her in a gentle way. Just explain to her that even though she’s a good person and you had a great time with her you view her as a friend more than a romantic partner. Please don’t tell her it’s because she’s not attractive to you. Don’t ghost her either. You both deserve to find the right person with having hut feelings.
You feel like a jackass? No, you are a jackass. Grow up you are almost 30. You should have never gotten with her in the first place if this is how you feel. You should end it especially given the way you are talking about her… “she’s ok looking”, “a bit overweight,” I mean just imagine if she could read this.. how you do you think she would feel? Do you think she’d really want to be with someone who feels this way about her? Next time you want to get with someone out of pity for yourself, think about how you’d feel if someone put you in this situation.
So other people have suggested great ways to do this as nicely as possible. Obviously you do need to break up with her.
I really hope you’ve reflected on this though, because honestly what you did was messed up and behavior I’d expect more of a teenager than someone who is almost 30. Do not date someone because you’re hurt someone else doesn’t like you and then proceed to pretend to like them for months and months while they fall in love with you. I feel like you don’t really understand how fucked up that is, since you had to ask if you should “try to work it out”.
Not without lying. You don’t find her attractive is the main reason. Which makes her think she isn’t attractive. So yes there are plenty of lies you can come up with, but the truth is it is her.
Just so you know, everyone’s bodies will go through many changes. If you get someone pregnant for instance their body may change very drastically. You aren’t going to find your partner 100% attractive all the time.
This entire post is just a list of reasons as to why the relationship should’ve never started & why it needs to be ended.
Omg just break up!!! What is there to even work through? This is absurd
Tell her the truth that you rushed into a relationship with her after being rejected bu your long time crush and you thought getting into a relationship would help you get over her but it hasn’t and it’s not fair to her because your heart just isn’t in it.
This is definitely not how a relationship should be, but I totally understand where you are coming from, a few years ago I ended a 4 year relationship with someone I wasn’t sexually attracted to. I loved the person that he was which is why we were together for as long as we were, but I couldn’t get over how I didnt find him attractive, and I felt terrible for letting it go as long as I did, but I also thought maybe this is how it’s supposed to be.
I have been with my current boyfriend for a year and I am head over heels in love with him, and I still find him to be the sexiest man I know, I have never felt this way about anyone, when you know you know you are with the right person, I know I will marry him.
You know what you have to do, you are very aware that you are with the wrong person, why would you want to waste time on someone you know is not the one, you could be missing out on much better matches.