My brother whom we will call “Joey 18 M” and I were just hanging out.
The topic of dating came up and we started to ask each what girls look for in guys and what guys look for in girls.
He told me that the girls that sleep with him on the first date, he doesn’t consider being with them romantically cuz they gave it too easy.
He says he dates the girls that made him wait.
He told that guys think like this and if I wanna seriously date a guy, I should make him wait.
I wanted to know if this is true ?
Do most guys think like this or just a few ?
43 comments
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I don’t think that way. But, it’s probably smart to get to know someone before you make such a critical decision. If you’re going to set moral guidelines on someone, shouldn’t you also act under the same moral standards?
Pretty much but make them wait too long and we will leave.
Yeah if a girl sleeps with me right away I kinda think they sleep with everyone and although everyone has a past I don’t want to be with someone who will just be with anyone
Doesn’t necessarily have to be a long time. I went on a second date and slept with someone. Been married to her for more than ten years at this point.
First date is probably a hair fast though, if you are wanting something long term.
Who knows what the percentage is, it’s certainly not “all guys”.
My wife and I put out on our first date (but we had been friends for years before anything romantic developed). We’ve barely been apart since that first date too.
This is true. Waiting months is too long. First date is too fast.
this shit is so dumb and childish. he also slept with people on the first date. does that mean he’s not relationship material? i think he’s not relationship material because he’s childish
I would say probably more very young guys think this. But also, dont sleep with somebody until YOU are ready. If thats the first date or the hundreth date, so be it.
Please don’t listen to an 18 year old kid
Some guys think like this, some guys don’t. Personally I think it’s dumb as shit. How can I judge a girl for sleeping with me on the first date if I’m sleeping with her on the first date? Seems like a double standard and frankly I couldn’t care less if a girl sleeps with people she wants to sleep with. Sex is fun, I like having it, and I assume girls do too. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Many guys do think like this, yes, unfortunately. Those guys, frankly, are not worth your time. Your value is not based on sex and never will be. Sex is a natural activity we are biologically wired to perform, and it’s a really fun one when done right (namely, when a guy actually does proper foreplay and can last).
If you’re looking for a romantic partner you should find someone who genuinely values you for you, and for whom sex is just part of a greater whole. For this reason it may be better not to fuck on first date when looking for a partner because a lot of guys will pretend to give a shit just to get in your pants, then drop you.
But if you do feel like having sex on first date, that’s okay. It’s your body. Do what you want. Just be safe. With more dating experience you’ll accumulate the senses you need to identify a good partner.
Wow. I am 70 years old and I thought this kind of attitude in men had died a much deserved demise. When I was an adolescent, my younger brother had a later curfew than me because I was a girl. I don’t see why it’s fine for guys to do it on every first date they can possibly persuade a women into bed, but it’s not okay for women and they are “easy.” Yes, based on the comments below, apparently men do still think like this, but they are likely missing out on a woman with a high libido and settling for women who don’t have a high libido. Too bad for them.
I’ve found plenty of guys with issues with women think this way. They can’t comprehend women making decisions on their own and not being all-or-nothing… for example, if a woman slept with first day guy #4 on the first date, it doesn’t mean she slept with first date guys 1-3. But lots of men don’t believe women when it comes to their sexual activity and numbers because lots of men are wildly insecure. Also heaven forbid some women use men for one night the way plenty of men use women for one night. It’s a gross double standard that exists within plenty of men who are insecure. I’ve found more secure men don’t think this way.
You have to figure out your own value system here, and it’ll possible it’ll change over time.
BS.
If we’re hitting it off on day 1 and it happens, I’m staying with her. We obviously liked each other enough to have sex, I’m not going to bail on her just because “I didn’t have to work for it.”
He’s only 18 so I’m going to cut him some slack here.
I don’t think it’s a “problem” to have boundaries like that, but he needs to make it known, and he also needs to keep in mind that it’s a two way street. He may think it’s a turn off if a girl wants to have sex on the first date, but I don’t see him exactly turning them down if they offer. (Granted, he’s 18, I don’t see any guy his age turning down sex.)
Though I can definitely relate to the feeling that there are some people you’re into just physically, and some people you have a deeper connection with and want a proper relationship. Not sure if that makes me an asshole or not but its how I’m wired as well.
18 year olds simply do not have anywhere near enough dating experience to be giving advice, please don’t listen to him.
To answer your question, it’s not exactly a yes or no answer. This varies person-to-person, some place a higher value on the intimacy of sex and want to wait until they feel an emotional bond while others may be much more hasty to get into the sheets as they want to know immediately if they are sexually compatible.
When you’re dating, there is no right or wrong way here, just be you, that’s the easiest way to learn of your compatibility with potential partners.
I’ve never used how long it took before a woman slept with me as a sign of their quality as a woman and whether or not I wanted to be monogamous with her. I also never expected a woman to be monogamous with me just because we hooked up.
Plus, the experience itself matters a LOT. Was there an emotional connection with the physical? Were we compatible with our sexual desires? Did it feel natural and good or awkward and forced?
If I had an instant chemistry with a woman. We spoke a few times. Went on a date and hooked up on that date. And the sex was powerful. I’m going to want to continue the relationship, even consider making it official regardless of if it was the first date.
And honestly, someone who withholds sex to appear more chaste… I’d have to really feel she’s being authentic about it. Some women do that just to appear one way, but they’d hook up with a hot guy instantly if they had the chance. I don’t like fake people. Authenticity matters more than how quickly or slowly someone decides to have sex with me.
I mean, a lot of guys do, but it’s still often coming from a place of gross sexism, so…
It’s okay to have different views on when to have sex. But when you are making a character judgement about someone because of their differing view, then it is a problem. No one is a better or worse person because they want to sleep with someone immediately or later.
When your brother says a woman is “easy” if she does that, he is really talking not just about promiscuity, but implying a certain character.
As others have said, this type of thing is almost never applied to men.
I’m clearly in the minority here but I don’t care. First date is maybe a bit fast and makes it feel more casual or ONS but if it felt right for me it won’t affect what I think of her. Depends on how the date went and how much of a connection was felt. ONS or casual isn’t necessarily going to keep it from becoming more later.
I’m not keen on waiting for more than 3-5 dates, any more than that and I’m pretty sure we won’t be compatible. and I genuinely don’t care about body counts either. Maybe if they are really high or low it’s a turn off but not entirely a deal breaker. At my age if I was single if prefer high to low if I’m totally honest.
Some of us are not complete un-self-aware hypocrites, so no.
If a woman who has sex on the first date is too easy and therefore not relationship material, then your brother having sex on the first date is thereby also too easy and therefore not relationship material.
Setting aside his hypocrisy, no, having sex on the first date does not on general principles make a person not relationship material. I and my wife of several decades refute him thus.
But it would be instructive for him if news of him holding this attitude were to become widely known in his dating pool, and suddenly he can’t get laid to save his life.
I’ve had sex before the first date, sometimes. I’ve had sex after dating awhile, too.
Neither way really mattered whether there was a relationship or not.
Frankly, IMX, women who ‘made me work for it’ weren’t worth the effort in the end. They usually say sex as transactional- ‘I had sex with you, now you must do this for me…’ . They usually had an inflated opinion of their desirability as a lover.
Maybe girls that sleep with him are only doing so because they think he’s a dickhead who’s not worthy of a relationship and who’s only plus point is having a pecker
I think he’s touching on the concept that a woman who has clear standards and doesn’t sleep with just anyone is generally seen as a higher quality person than one who will go to bed with someone she has only known for a few hours or days. A man who knows he has passed the test (whatever that might be) may feel more valued.
Make your own decisions about what you want to do and don’t worry about it. But keep your own standards, too.
To be fair, I’m 46f, I’ve done the same to men. There were some fun guys I had in my younger days that I had zero interest in for relationships.
I’d say it’s ok to have a fling or two but if you’re serious make them wait for your sake. You, as a woman, need to know they are interested in you and not just you body.
Depends on how well you know the person. Because if we’ve been friends 5-10 years waiting may not happen, but if we’ve only talked with the intention of dating, I prefer to wait to sleep with them.
Your brother is a misogynist.
Sleep with who you want, when you want. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex, and nothing wrong with waiting. There is something wrong in judging someone else’s choices, especially if you happen to be one of them. Their choices are not yours.
I’m a man and I make women wait. I have to get to know someone before moving to sex otherwise if the sex is good I get blind to other incompatibility. My current girlfriend did not like waiting lol
It can certainly be an indicator that this person isn’t relationship material, but it’s more so about HOW it happens.
If you pick a girl up to go bowling, and she instantly sucks you off in the car, then okay that’s probably not your future wife.
But maybe you wine and dine all day, and she invites you to her place at the end of it, then I don’t see why it couldn’t be the start of something serious.
Its also important to note that a lot of guys hate girls who try and play games, so again it all just depends on the circumstances.
This is FR a stupid thing to even debate. The answer is INCREDIBLY obvious because it depends person to person, and by his logic, he HIMSELF is incredibly low value if he fucks on the first date 😭
Don’t worry about it honestly, find someone with YOUR standards in mind because you’ll attract what YOU look for.
The best advice I have ever gotten as a young woman in regards to this exact topic is:
Maybe he will judge you negatively and disappear, maybe he wont, but if you are looking for something more than a one night stand it’s probably worth waiting just a little bit, just to atleast gauge what his interests are and if you are on the same page.
I think that’s what we are told is supposed to happen? Rather than people having their own opinions or views.
As a guy, yes he’s right.
this is 100% true
All I can say is my personal experience. My wife was the only girl to ever hold out on me
Well your brother is the kind of guy who thinks like this. Is your brother the kind of guy you want to date?
Your brother is very wise for his age. Most men don’t want a long term relationship with a “easy girl”, who sleeps with guys on the first or second date. We referred to them as not wife material.
Everyone’s different. My wife and I flirted for ages before we had a date and we definitely slept together in that date and after that one date I knew she was the one.
Prior to I’ve dated girls for ages that I slept with immediately, and I’ve broken up with girls that I didn’t because by the time we got around to it I felt like it had been too much effort.
But, I never judged a girl for how many exes she had or how many notches on her bedpost, or if she had ever had a one night stand or whether she wore short skirts or any of all the other bullshit that guys use to choose girls.
I just went on looks, personality and how well we clicked.
Also sleeping with a girl on a first date and then judging them for the thing you yourself just did is a pretty jerk move. Your brother might want to think about that.
Ah, well…maybe depends on the guy. But honestly, if the girl gave it up to you on the first date, that is hard to respect. PLEASE LISTEN GIRLS…men DO NOT respect you if you have sex on the first date. Make them wait at least a month.
Your brother is 18 or 28? It usually take some bad relationships before this sinks in. But yes a lot, but not all, guys think like this. Some subconsciously others come to it from life experiences. Check YouTube and you can find plenty of videos covering the subject.
He is right, don’t be easy, you will be surprised what some guys do to get laid and the way they change immediately afterwards.
But the most important thing is loyalty. We value that the most.
Some guys do, some don’t. I’d try to avoid the ones that do, though, because dealing with someone who’s going to judge you for having sex that they were also having sounds exhausting.