So I (24m) have absolutely no experience in relationships, sex or even kissing. I also gave up trying to have that “young love” when i turned 20. I told myself I’d never get into a relationship but 4 years later I’ve been dating a girl for 5 months now. My gf had started to want to be intimate with each other but she doesn’t know I’m a virgin. Also if I was going to lose my virginity after 20 I’d want it to be with another virgin so I can at least be somewhat close to the “young love” I missed out on. I feel like if she was a virgin it was but much more special and awesome being each other’s first. I don’t want to be some name on her list of Ex’s I want to be something to someone like the guy she lost her virginity to.
TLDR; I haven’t told her this but if only she was a virgin I’d think we would have a much deeper connection. I’d even wait till married id she was a virgin. I fee like we’d get a much more closer connection if we were losing our virginities to each other. And we could learn together but I don’t think I’ll ever get that
20 comments
Why are you having second thoughts? If you have no experience then now is the perfect opportunity to get some. Go for it. I know it can be kind of nerve racking. In some cases the thing that brings you fear is often worth pushing thru and pursuing. Could be something great on the other side of it. You may not be great at it all, but who cares? You won’t get better until you try.
I was awful. I would climax way too fast lol. I wasn’t good at first; but now me and the same girl who’s been my gf for 13 years sometimes laugh about it. Because now it’s nothing like that.
You only have one life to live, my friend. You’re currently experiencing “young love,” or whatever that means. But if you walk away from this, you’re just walking away from something you seemingly want to happen because you’re probably afraid.
You’re dating a girl for half a year who clearly likes you and wants to move to the next level with you. All you’re hung up on is the fact that she’s had sex and you haven’t. At your age, most of the people you find are already going to have had experience because you made the decision to give up looking for a partner a few years ago.
It doesn’t make the time you have with this girl less special. It doesn’t make intimacy with her any less special. From someone who lost their virginity in high school, I had WAY deeper connections with my later partners than the first person I ever slept with. Virginity does not mean you have a better connection.
Trust me bro she’s going to know you’re a virgin after you cum in like 20 seconds. But you can’t change the past, she’s not a virgin and if you can’t look past that then the relationship is doomed. Do you expect to never sleep with her?
Didn’t you post here on an alt account last week brother?
What’s more important to you? Having a loving relationship or losing your virginity?
If you’re trying to lose your virginity, you can keep trying to find someone who is a virgin and it may take another 2 years, or you can do it right now. If you’re looking to just lose your virginity, you’re not a good person.
If you’re looking for a long lasting relationship, then you be honest with her. You tell her where you’re deficient, but you’re willing to try. Then you let her decide if she wants to proceed. If she wants to proceed, then let her. If she doesn’t want to proceed, then you can start looking for another virgin.
You’re overthinking this big time. The first time having sex isn’t special perse, and two virgins trying to have sex is most of the time a shitshow lol. My first time lasted 2 minutes, we were both super nervous and I cringe whenever I think about it. We broke up after highschool because we weren’t actually that compatible at all. He is now a name on my list of exes that I don’t think about particularly often. I’d say most people have a story like that. There’s no reason to put virginity on some sort of pedestal just because that’s how you thought your life would go. There’s nothing inherently different about the first time, and you’re making it into something it really isn’t. My best sex and deepest connections happened later on in life when I knew what I needed in a partner and could advocate for myself more.
Have sex with your girlfriend man and be grateful that she kinda knows what she’s doing and can guide you.
First times are not magical. They’re clumsy and awkward, and, if you’re lucky, comical. You’re yearning for a storybook experience that virtually no one gets to experience irl.
So for your first partner, you want someone you like and trust, someone who is going to be patient.
On consideration, it sounds to me that you’re making yourself so anxious about losing your V-card that you’re trying to talk yourself out of this. Don’t. Whether it’s sex or anything else, that’s no way to live your life.
> I want to be something to someone like the guy she lost her virginity to.
Yeah, and he’s not in the picture any more. What does that tell you?
There’s nothing wrong with being experienced, but there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin either. If you like this woman and feel she’s a trustworthy and caring person, tell her. (And soon: at some point your reticence is going to come across as weird.) And then just take the plunge.
Youve been duped by disney and your thought loop is going to limit you. Its all born from fear. Be honest with the girl whos invested 5 months into you and get over this hurdle so you can stop thinking in ridiculous terms just to make yourself feel better about not having experienced “young love” wtvr that means. Youre literally young and as you age the harder its going to get to find a virgin. What a pukey interpretation of whats “right” lol, im sorry but just really weird
“Taking” someone’s virginity is not what makes sex special. What makes sex special is the emotional aspect of it ,it’s the vulnerability aspect of it. It’s the trust and connection you have with that person.
I find it disturbing that you have this mild obsession with “taking” someone’s virginity/ being with a virgin and associating that with sex being special. It’s like the only reason you want to have sex is so that you can “take” something from someone and nothing else. The fact that you think you cant be sexually compatible and learn about your sexual needs with your partner who’s had previous sexual experience it’s also concerning and completely not the truth.
Your first time is your first time. The depth of connection has nothing to do with experience levels, and you’re running away for no good reason.
Girlfriend of this dude, please dump him. I wanted to have sympathy for the virgin stuff and anxiety stuff, but then there were so many “I gotta have a virgin for my first time” comments from the OP that I just can’t deal with this shit.
So what you’re just gonna keep getting older but wait for a virgin? How’s that gonna work? Especially since you’re in a relationship? Smh. None of this makes sense.
Virginity is a socially constructed and **meaningless** concept. The first time isn’t any more or less special than any other time by virtue of being first and there is nothing to take….some women don’t even have a hymen. 🤦♀️
Plus, waiting til you find another “virgin” at your age is gonna be a long wait. And the older you get the harder it will be.
This is a totally pointless hangup and if it costs you this relationship I hope it wakes you up to un-learning some of your internal misogyny which is definitely what this is stemming from.
Dude why did you even post this if you refuse to listen to anyone. Your whole outlook on sex and relationships is so odd. Most women do not hold the person they lost their virginity to in high regards just because it was the first time. No reason to believe that every woman on this post is lying about that. I understand that you want this to be special and the truth is that the first time with anyone you care about is way more special and important than losing your virginity. If your girlfriend cares about you, all she wants is to be intimate with you and feel more connected. Just be honest with her and give her a chance to show you that this is not a problem for her. Sex is something that comes naturally to all of us, you will be surprised how much experience doesn’t matter when your with someone who values you and vice versa. The experience will come, just relax and bite the bullet. No reason for you to be a 78 virgin, you’re truly being your own worst enemy and making a problem out of nothing.
If you are adamant you want to date a virgin only, why did you waste her time with these relationships? She will never change that.
Also, the first time isn’t magical. It’s painful and aweful for women. We do not attach to the one who did it. The opposite is more common. Please lose these stereotypes.
It doesn’t matter, you make your first time together special and that’s what matters.
But i think you already believe in these things and also probably religious, so there is no way we can explain to you the reality.
My dude, you need to grow up. Wtf is “young love” in your mind? You’re 24, you’re young, and you give absolutely no indication if you even *like* this girl, you’re so busy being bent out of shape about who is and isn’t a virgin. You know sex and partners can be really special even if they aren’t the first? Do you know that connection is something you cultivate outside of sex, as well as through good, mutually pleasurable sex? You have the mindset of a 16 year old.
If you’re sexist just say that
Good luck finding another Virgin at the age unless you go younger (not recommended). The word virgin is just a stigma that really doesn’t have much weight anymore especially for a guy. What you want to focus on is if she is the one that you want to be your first. That is all that really matters.
Truth be told, I learned a lot from my first partner. She showed me what to do and what not to do. I have only been with 6 in total and my 6th is now my wife.
Just decide if you feel this is right without overthinking it. Go with your gut not your head. If she is not the one you want to share this experience with then move on and let her find someone she is compatible with otherwise just tell her you want to but you have never been with anyone else so you need some training wheels at first. She will understand and probably love it even more because now she can shape you to meet her needs.
You’re 24. You ARE young.
“Young” is just a feeling anyway. When I broke off my engagement at 28 I felt younger than I had in years, and the relationship that followed later with my future husband had more of that “teenage feeling” than anything with my ex had. (And I can say that with some authority because I did experience the whole “young love” thing. Don’t build it up in your head; even when it’s good it’s still not nearly as good as true love.)
I guess you can try Christian mingle? You might have to wait till marriage to bang but you’re probably more desperate than delusional