So I‘ve been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now and in the beginning we had great sex almost every day. It gradually became less which I think is normal and was okay for me. But for about half a year now we barely have sex because he either doesn‘t get an erection in the first place or loses it after like 2 minutes. I carefully tried to talk to him about it a few times but he didn’t really want to. Then a few weeks ago he told me it‘s because he‘s overthinking everything and is afraid to disappoint me in bed because he loves me so much and doesn’t want to lose me and that it stresses him out so much that he can‘t have/hold an erection. Then like a week later we talked about it again and suddenly his explanation was that he doesn‘t feel anything in certain positions. Then the next day when we continued our conversation he told me it wasn’t only in certain positions but in general that he felt nothing during sex with me because my pussy wasn’t tight enough. I was very hurt by that, especially because he didn’t tell me right away. I asked him if he felt that way from the beginning and he told me no. No I‘m asking myself how that would even be possible. I didn’t have a child or anything, how would my pussy get lose at 23yo within a few months? Also I have never heard something like this from any guy I ever slept with and some of them were brutally honest about everything.
I feel completely overwhelmed with this situation and I‘m so anxious about sleeping with him again because I know he won‘t enjoy it anyways and I don’t know what to do about it.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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This is NOT a you problem it’s a HIM problem.. your pussy has nothing to do with it. I have 3 kids and have sec daily for almost 10 years. My husband can still cum in minutes. I think your spouse either has a grip problem from masturbating too tight or maybe is struggling with slight ED and is embarrassed so he is making it out to be something wrong with you… I promise you it’s not at all you
How much lube are you using and do you produce a lot of natural lubricant?
If there’s a lot of lube in play, that can reduce sensation due to friction being reduced below a certain threshold, especially if condoms are in play as well.
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>he either doesn‘t get an erection in the first place or loses it after like 2 minutes.
There’s a problem, and if he doesn’t want to acknowledge it or seek help in addressing it and instead wants to blame you and lash out at you, then it’s time to DTMFA.
Sounds like ED to me.
This is not a you problem, he’s pushing his issue onto you because he’s embarrassed
There might of course be a problem with sensation, he is however going about it a bit wrong I think.
It can be that his penis and your vagina is not a match made in heaven, but the things he is saying is not nice and he is wrong for putting it all on you.
Him also getting mad, when you bring up is EQ issues, are a bit immature and silly.
Has his lifestyle changed over this time? More stress, bad sleep, gaining weight, less exercise etc? Medication? More masturbation and porn? Stuff that could affect both EQ, arousal, sensitivity and other things like libido.
Do you guys live together? I have a feeling he mastrubates to much and has the deathgrip
Sounds like he has his own issues going on, and it is easier to push the blame on you than admit he may need help.
22 with ED he probably needs to see a doctor, that’s not normal. Also probably needs to JO less. But he sounds like a dick anyway to try to blame it on you and say you’re loose. The reality is vaginas do come in different sizes just like dicks but its not going to change in a few months so if it was ok initially there is no reason it wouldn’t be now and doesn’t sound like you’ve had any complaints in the past. He’s trying to pass his problems on to you, I wouldn’t try to have sex with him again. Why would you? He doesn’t deserve it and can’t perform anyway.
Or he’s jerking off with a really tight grip. Or he’s on SSRI’s so he’s lost some sensitivity. Or he’s inexperienced and has an unreal expectation of what “tight” should be.
It’s definitely not you.
He is a liar and a coward. He is the problem and is insulting you for making him feel emasculated because he cannot perform in bed with you, tell him to do one.
I once bought a screw for my tv bracket. The hole was too big for the screw, so I got a bigger screw. Life lessons.
Maybe it’s him not you.
He is wrong. That is not how a vagina works. And FYI giving birth can make them even stronger and “feel better”.
But you boyfriend needs to see someone for his penis issues. Might be just in his head, but projecting it on you is really irresponsible and immature. It will be hard to move past this as a couple, seeking counseling will be helpful.
He is gaslighting you, there is nothing wrong with you, He is the problem. A 22yr old guy can’t get erections is like seeing death a mile away, He will say anything to make himself feel better. He is fighting for his life now. I feel his pain and frustration, but he shouldn’t make you feel terrible for his bad conditions.
Your vagina does not get loose. Women do come in different tightnesses. Just like men’s dicks do. And a vagina can be damaged by childbirth. But that can be healed with exercises.
But simply having sex, a lot of sex, or sex with a big dick, does not make you loose.
He either lost his sex drive completely, which can happen for many reasons, and he’s throwing out excuses to try to save face, or he has been masturbating too hard, and now he has death grip.
Either way, this is not worth continuing. 23 is way too young to be trapped in a dead bedroom
Sounds like he’s pushing his insecurities on you-which is obviously not okay. I totally get that for someone so young it’s terrifying to be having issues holding an erection, but that doesn’t make it okay to give you insecurities.
I think he probably should consult his doctor. If it’s a stress issue, maybe start with a massage and meditation to relax him and maybe introduce some couples toys. But absolutely do not let him bring you down.
I’ve been with girls of all different sizes and heigths, tigthness varies from person to person, it’s definitely not connected to age, arousal also plays a part in it. I’ve also been with the same girl a couple years apart and her tightness was definitely different, so it can also change in the same person..
Your boyfriend came off rude but it could be true, or he is ashamed of his actual reasons and tried to deflect, he definitely has some self reflection to do.
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I gotta say I’m loving the body shaming here on guys every time.
Jaysus I couldn’t imagine having an ego so fragile I’d say that to someone I love. Setting aside the fact that vaginas don’t magically change shape it wouldn’t make a dick go soft. Tell that mfer it gets a lot tigher if he could make you cum lmao
He should have definetly told you earlier. However, everyone saying he has a small dick is not helping. Having difficulty feeling something with some women in most positions is something that happened to me in the past, so that is a thing for sure. There’s nothing wrong with you and you have every right to be hurt, especially with the way he approached the situation. Also, there’s some exercices that you could try, like Pelvic floors exercices (ie Kegels) that can make you feel tighter for him in the long term.
I doubt that is the true reason… more likely he has a sensory issue or stress/anxiety
I had this similar issue with my girlfriend, and I think there are things your bf can do to improve this. I don’t like the replies saying “his dicks too small, dump him” or “he’s a dick for blaming it on you”, those are not helping with your relationship/sex life.
Some comments here saying they had X babies and are still super tight; this is anecdotal as all men and women have different sizes. Totally normal. I have an average dick size and my girlfriend’s vag is not as tight, and this isn’t anyone’s fault.
There are a couple of ways that I targeted this issue early on and it helped immensely. I love making love to my girlfriend and its extremely passionate almost every damn time – our habits in bed evolved over time as we learned about each others’ bodies and talked about what we liked. He just gotta learn to work with it and not blaming himself/yourself:
* I figured out positions that gave me more sensation, since I also have to use condoms and my gf gets naturally extremely wet, so there’s less friction. For instance, missionary is less enjoyable for me, but if he grabs your legs together and puts it on one side of his shoulder during missionary, it feels better PLUS he can also play with your feet like this. Other more enjoyable positions include doggy, prone-bone, and sideways missionary.
* Tried to watch less porn/jerk off less and even if so, tried my best to avoid the death grip. I realized it was something I did before the relationship started.
* Drank a lot more water and started exercising more. This helped a lot in the bedroom because it also helps with stamina. I also noticed that my dick gets way harder, I’m not entirely sure this is 100% because of exercise, but it surely helped.
* I made sure to (almost every time) get her off before/during actual PIV sex. That way we both finish during one session.
I think he is changing excuses/blaming you not because he’s a dick, but because this issue is probably embarrassing to him and he doesn’t know how to solve it. Your vagina doesn’t become loose so easily, but he is also just (finally) being honest about why he thinks he’s having problems. It’s certainly not cool for him to push his insecurities on you, so I’d try to go into this with an open mind and clear communication, but tbh, it’s on him to try to improve this.
To be honest: maybe you just have a bigger vagina.
In my experience that’s ok, really. The really tight ones can hurt.
Dude leave him wow what a loser. Deflecting his own problems on you sounds like a dildo. Red flag. Leave. Better yet RUN.
Sounds like a problem with his cock to be honest, maybe he should get his nerves checked out
I made the mistake of telling my gf this once. I realized later on that it was a me problem. He has other issues that he isn’t telling you about.
Any dude that has any issue with “tightness” is a loser. I have been with many woman and I can say – never in my mind have I ever thought “boy this is loose”
Never.
Only incels and dudes in their late 20s whom have only had sex 3 or 4 times have this attitude
Do you suspect he might be messing around? That sounds a lot like gas lighting!
Your body hasn’t changed from when you first met and it wasn’t a problem then. I don’t know the situation, but that could be a possibility!
Probably porn induced ED and death grip
First, that’s not how vaginas work. My wife’s had three kids and she’s still uncomfortably tight at times, even with lube. This definitely isn’t a you problem. Even if your boyfriend is freakishly hung, he’s not permanently stretching you out.
If I had to guess? When your boyfriend jerks off, he’s a little too tight fisted with the bishop, and a bit overly aggressive. It can decrease sensitivity, and it can condition him to needing that level of “tightness” and aggressiveness in order to have a satisfying orgasm. He may or may not realize it, but I assure you this is a him thing, not a you thing.
Hey OP is this your boyfriend https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/13tizcf/i_feel_almost_nothing_while_having_sex/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=2
I’m no expert but finding the problem is key. Whether it is his P or your V. This can also be due to many factors, emotional or other mental sources. He could be the sufferer of something called “Death Grip” it might be that he masturbates too hard. Or that something else has degraded the sensitivity of his tip. Might also be due to hormonal imbalances, but these are just guesses.
Sorry, but if he continues to tell you that my come back would be well maybe your dick isn’t big enough!
No (adult human) vagina is or will be as tight as a hand’s grip, and he’s probably used to squeezing the life out of his penis while masturbating. This is “death grip” and it spoils a lot of sex, particularly among the young.
What he needs to do is learn and manage his body better. Not every erection warrants masturbation. Not every masturbation session has to end in an orgasm. Not every orgasm has to be some super saiyon, earthquake of an orgasm. And when such orgasms do occur, he should be able to at least get up, pee, wash up, and make his own damned sandwich. Every man who regularly collapses into sleep after sex should make it his goal to put his partner in that condition first.
There are techniques he can learn that will allow him to control arousal, whether random, internally motivated, or externally stimulated. These will help him also control his orgasms, allowing him to enjoy smaller ones without ejaculation or loss of erection, thus allowing him to better respond to your body’s cues.
The penis is essentially a muscle; it’s got a lot of nerve endings that make it difficult to work that muscle out, but doing so will make it stronger and easier to control.
Lastly, sex is mostly mental. Regardless of how often you’ve had sex, if he’s not at least half way to orgasm just by virtue of *OMG I’m inside this wonderful woman right now, right where she wants me to be* then he needs to get his head out of his ass, his dick out of his hand clamp, and put **both** of them to work on YOU.
He has ED and he’s throwing your vagina under the bus for it. There’s nothing wrong with you. He’s pointing fingers because he doesn’t want to own up to his not being able to get it up
He’s a narcissist. I know that word is overused, but that’s textbook narcissistic strategy. Get rid of that asshole
He’s gaslighting. Embarrassed that he can’t get it up so he blames it on you. Typical smh
Sounds like he choked the feeling out his dick. He needs to reset his senses. Loose the death grip
Besides what everyone else is saying, I also wonder if he feels that’s way because in the beginning you weren’t as comfortable to have sex, so your vagina was not relaxed all the way. And now that your comfortable it relaxes now, making it feel “looser” to him. He may not be aware how vaginas work unfortunately
I am a doctor and like to solve medical mysteries.
If he says your vagina was not previously too loose but now it feels that way I doubt your pussy grew larger or that his penis has gotten smaller.
it seems likely that his penis has become less sensitive than that your vagina grew. This can happen if his masturbation habits are rough. He may have become used to his hands grip strength.
Or
It is possible that you get very wet during sex with your own natural lube and this reduce friction. This is not a big problem. Just have a towel he can pull out and dry off his penis.
Or
It is also possible that he has ED. He is young but may need a physical and labs. Diabetes and other illnesses can interfere.
Or
Is he on any medications? Some medications such as SSRI can cause ED. He may have a medication that is causing a problem.
Or
Does he use any recreational drugs? Some recreational drugs can affect libido and performance.
Or
He may have anxiety or other psychological issues like depression.
This sounds like an issue worth investigating and solving
It isn’t you. You are young, go find some one else. I believe he is sleeping with someone else. I call bullshit!! Dump him
So he absolutely has a porn addiction caused ed
A well lubed vagina shouldn’t be that tight. Tell him to stop beating off to porn with a gorilla grip and his equipment will work better
Total bs, vaginas aren’t similar at all to the gripping involved in masturbating without lubrication. If he can go a week without beating his meat then he’ll experience way more stimulation during penile vaginal sex.
Strange way to say you have ED or a small penis. It’s one of the two. Don’t let him gaslight you. Tell him to get on the meds not unusual with built up anxiety. He just needs a bump