My bf (18m) and i (18f) have been together for 4 years. about 2 years into our relationship i started getting depressed and that led to me being irritable and sad. I never told him face to face that i have depression but i do tell him im sad all the time and i dont know how to get out of it. I did go to my school psychologist a while ago but it didnt help, i know im the only one that can fix me, but out relationship is getting worse because he gets mad at me all the time for being moody and i told him we shouldn’t meet up when im feeling like that but he doesnt listen and i end up upseting him. I dont want us to break up and neither does he but he’s making me feel worse and like I’m stepping on eggshells everytime im with him because he’s so sensitive.
This morning we woke up at my place and he randomly turned around and stopped talking to me. I asked him whats wrong and he wouldn’t tell me as usual (he tends to bottle up his emotions when he s upset and he snaps on a random day, its tiring). my heart kind of broke because we just woke up and this happened.
After a few hours i tried to talk to him and hug him but he rejected me and after like 10 minutes he said he wants to go home. I asked him what did i do but he wouldn’t tell me and he just left. I dont want to hurt him but im too broken to focus on my “tone” (he gets upset easily at my tone) and he ends up doing stuff like this.
He also gets upset over childish things and i ALWAYS end up being the one to apologise. I dont know what to do to make him not get upset as much and to improve my mental health as well.
5 comments
I do think you should break up and you should get some therapy and work on yourself before getting back into a relationship.
It would probably be in your best interest to break up. You’re both young, and it sounds like neither of you are in a good space to continue this relationship.
The foundation of a good relationship comes from communication. He won’t communicate with you, won’t tell you his feelings, and won’t even offer to try and talk about things further.
You shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells when you’re in a relationship. That’s not something that’s okay.
Take some time to make yourself happier, find a way to treat your depression. And find someone who will actually make an effort to communicate with you and not make you feel bad.
You’re really young so you don’t have the knowledge from the pain of failed relationships quite yet, so let me be your big sister for a second 😅
This guy is treating you VERY poorly. You’ve been together so long and I’m sure you want to be together forever, but he is showing some major red flags of future abuse.
What he’s doing is stonewalling which is harmful and can absolutely be abusive. The silent treatment is extremely toxic behavior!
And he’s trying to police your emotions because he’s too emotionally immature to support you. He also refuses to give you space when you need it, which he KNOWS will cause you to engage in behavior he can punish.
It might not be conscious on his end, but this man is close to or already exhibiting abusive behaviors towards you
Your bf is getting a lot of flak in the comments but I need to point out how upsetting and stressful it is when your partner frequently says they don’t think you should be in a relationship anymore when they are just in a mood and don’t really mean it. That will negatively affect a relationship quite a bit. Don’t say that stuff unless you really mean it.
Look, we (men) are not always the brightest of species when we’re young, and we sometimes have this thing where, if our SO isn’t happy *all the time* and *constantly*, we take that very personally and assume it’s us. Then we act out until it *is* us. It sounds like your bf is going through some version of that. He remembers you before your depression and sees you now, since your symptoms started, and finds it impossible to believe that anyone could be *that* unhappy if he’s really a good bf. So then he acts hurt and cold, which of course only makes it worse.
I’m gonna be honest here and say that I see the most likely outcome to be a breakup, but I *also* think it’s time to work on your Adult Conversation skills to first check if this is salvageable.
Wait until a time when you are both calm and not exhibiting even non-verbal moodiness, and then see if you can problem solve together. You could say something like, “I notice that we both seem to be hurting each other a lot, lately, and I want to see if there’s some way we can get to the bottom of it and make it stop. We’ve been together for so long, I think we owe it to ourselves to try.”
If he continues to be emotionally unavailable for even this kind of constructive conversation, I think it’s a strong sign that he’s already mentally out of the relationship, and that it needs to be over. Similarly, if you just feel hostile or despairing towards the idea of even *having* this conversation, you just might need to accept that you know it’s over, too.