I’m having a moment where I’m doubting myself. I’m 30, in the Army, married with 2.5 kids (#3 due in December), and about $7K to my name with another $2K in a college fund for the kids. I don’t own a house, still lease a car, and don’t feel like I’m where I should be. But that makes me feel dumb because I know there’s a lot of people worse off than me.
I just see so many of my friends and family seem light years ahead of me. Am I crazy?
21 comments
What does it mean to be ahead? You have a stable career, wife, children, and a decent pension if you can stick it out and keep rising the ranks. Sure you don’t have a house but that’s quite expensive. Pro tip for college, start at cheaper state schools then transfer to more prestigious schools.
Everyone has different definitions of ok. Are you happy? Do you make enough to do things you enjoy? 7k is a decent emergency found depending on how cost of living is.
I’d be worried about having half a kid… Is it ok?
Around your age, no kids (although don’t intend to have any), no house, no car. I’m happy and in a place where things can only get better for me and my partner.
Dont compare yourself to others. Everyones path is different and there isn’t a single correct path to take. Figure out what your standards of success look like and see where you fit on that. I think happiness should be a part of those standards imo, so you can start there. But… You have some savings, hopefully a happy family and relationship, and some stability? You’re doing great already.
Something that might help is to create a written plan of what you want and when you want it, and then figure out how to meet those milestones.
Ignore how everyone else is doing. I’ve met people that outwardly have a great life, but then you get to know them, and they’re absolutely miserable. They might be in debt, have a bad marriage, or whatever else. Comparing yourself to them is a recipe for disaster. You have different likes/desires/morals/goals than they do, so defining your life through the lens of how someone else is doing only makes you miserable and doesn’t do anything to help you build the life you want and like.
You sound motivated, so figure out what is important to you and your family, and then pursue that, and only that, aggressively.
You’re doing okay dude. When in doubt, look at who you were and where you were 5 years ago. If you like the progress then you’re in good shape. Only compare the current you against the past you. No one else
It’s great that you have a college fund for the kids and seem to have no debt… but there’s a lot of room for improvement here. Need to increase savings, stop _leasing_ cars, and overall get a lot more serious, especially with 3 kids and a wife.
Maybe talking to someone who’s in a different position may help. I’m in my early 30s, with a six-figure salary and $100k in savings ready for a down payment for a house – but I’m single and would love a steady marriage with a loving wife and 2.5 kids. Can’t seem to find that.
So from my perspective you seem light years ahead of me – you have a partner to help you save for those big purchases, cheer you on, and pick you up when your down; not to mention an amazing incentive to do your best in your career and get raises to support your family. The grass is always greener.
You’re in better shape than a lot of people with 7k in cash and anything saved for college. So i wouldn’t feel bad about where you’re at. The military actually has great retirement benefits for long serving members (20 years).
But if you’re looking to change your savings habits and have the capcity to save some money (tough with 2 kids), here’s what I would do. Look to save at least 20% of your after-tax income if possible. Start by building up roughly 3-6 months of expenses as an emergency fund in the bank, that 7k is a good start. Then, above and beyond that, look to invest the next 6500 into a Roth IRA. After that, anything left invest in a taxable brokerage account in something like a total market index fund or 2050 target date fund to build up your long term nest egg. That’s just a basic place to start. If you want more flexibility with the funds, you can even skip the roth ira.
For the kids college funds it all depends what you want to pay for, but if you can get around 125 a month into their 529s, that should cover roughly 25% of an in state, state school tuition assuming you start when they’re all young.
Most people don’t even have savings bro. And to have a family of your own is priceless… a stable career is awesome too man. I wish I had all of those things and am same age. stay looking forward.
Do you have a retirement account?
You found a partner, have a family, and have a job that makes ends meet. At 30 you’ve accomplished a lot I think. You might be trying to compare your financial status to others but I think that would ignore what you’ve got going for yourself.
Money, house, etc — honestly I didn’t have any of those things until I was well into my 30s (55yo now).
There are always going to be people ahead of and behind you. Don’t worry about that. Just work on doing the right thing for you and yours. Keep an eye on some vision of a better future but don’t get bogged down by it, just keep working towards it. And don’t forget to stop and have fun among the way.
“Comparison is the thief of joy” write down some goals. Strive towards them, then base your success on the progress. Sounds like moneys on your mind, maybe some financial goals are a better energy expense rather than worry if you’re on the right track. You got this guy
Comparison is the thief of joy. Run your own race at your own pace.
>still lease a car,
I hope it’s not a dodge challenger. /s
You say you have 7k to your name, what about your wife? You have a job, a house, kids and a car. Doesn’t seem bad to me.
Stop leasing a car when the contract expires and buy a cheap second hand car.
Start saving more money (wife as well) for a down payment and buy a house.
I know it’s easy to say, but everyone who buys and doesn’t make crazy money (most of us) have to do it.
I just bought my own house at 36, will be paid off when I’m 56. I’m driving a 2013 economy wagon I bought for 5k and has been running for 2 years with zero costs outside of an oil change. I could buy or lease an expensive BWM or Tesla, but it’s not worth it to me, it feels like wasting money to signal to others “look at me in my expensive car”.
I know a dude who makes 40k a year and drives a 45k Mercedes with a loan on it. You might think this man has it made when you see him cruising in his Merc, but in reality he can’t handle money and is in debt. Don’t let this be you, I know it’s not going to be me.
You can’t compare yourself to other people, there will be people who have way more money but they might be miserable. Some live way above their means and are in serious debt but look like they have it made. Others will be more successful, that’s just life.
Youre in the army? Buy a house and let bah pay your mortgage. Use the va loan. You never have to use your own money. When you go to next duty station buy another house using va loan, let bah pay your mortgage. Other house get a renter to pay mortgage. By the time you retire you’ll have several properties to supplement your pension. You’re 30 not 80. Still plenty of time.
Define “ahead of me”. Realize that’s a construct. I know so many people seemingly happy in a marriage with kids, but actually very much miserable. Don’t fall for the trap of defining your own happiness based on others.
Every man learns how to live life differently, don’t get overly concerned. If you want to know how I lived my life I will tell you now, or you can stop reading:
>! At 30 years old I was in prison dying to be free to love my wife and baby boy of 4 years old. $0 to my name and $0 saved for any college fund (seriously wtf?) my wife and boy lived with her mom and step dad. They had no car because they had to sell ours, you know, because I went to prison. Here I am sitting in FCI Safford thinking I am not where I should be, while my wife struggles to raise our boy. I feel dumb because there are tons of people in FCI Safford that have had their girlfriend or wife leave them and I feel so grateful that my beautiful wife is still with me after 7 years (2006-2013).
>!You are fucking crazy and I hope you pull your head out of your ass and realize how awesome your life is.
I’m 34 and have far less, so you’re doing well in my opinion. Everyone has different needs, so long as yours are met- you’re fine.
Are you planning on staying in until you get a full pension?
If you aren’t, then you’re behind where you should be, though most people are behind where they should be, so you’ve got a LOT of company there.
Loosely, for somebody not getting a pension:
30: Have 1 year of salary saved
40: Have 3 years of salary saved
50: have 5 years of salary saved
65: have 7+ years of salary saved
Note that salaries increase as you age too, so 3x salary by 40 is significantly more than 3x what you had at 30.
But pensions throw it all out of wack since your expenses after pension and SS will be much less than otherwise.
FWIW, I had a very negative net worth at age 30, and am back on track. So it’s not a doom scenario or anything, just maybe a wake up call that, at some point, you’d like to stop working, and that requires saving money. It’s gonna be rough trying to save with 3 kids. It requires a bit of a shift in mindset — some amount of what you make is for future-you, and if you spend that money now, you’re effing future-you over.
If I were you, I’d lose the leased car, buy a “[indestructible japanese economy shitbox](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XamC7-Pt8N0)”, and drive it till the wheels fall off.