I’m an Asian 44F had been dating a Caucasian 55M for 4 years. His brother daughter and best friend 55F had all shared stories in front of me about how their relative marrying oversea Asian ladies who are after green cards and inheritance. I was just smiling awkwardly. My date is a plumber who offered to repair my bathroom leak which I had paid him market price 2 years ago. On a family gathering I told his mum that I don’t like to take advantage of my date and I have paid him he denied this kept saying really I don’t remember. Later I found paid invoice as proof and emailed him. He said he knew I paid I didn’t have to email him. I then ask why you denied this in front of your family? He said he didn’t remember. He seem to act differently in front family then in private. Is this gaslighting?
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I’m not sure if this is gaslighting or whatever that term is meant to be
It is, however, proof of him being a grade-A jerk. And one that likely is from a closet racist family. For him to deny the payment to his mother and deliberately make you look bad, is a massive red flag
I think you should definitely consider dropping him
Gaslighting is critiquing your lover, them dodging the critique and then having your own arguments used against you unjustly while you just take it, hoping they would self reflect. In the end you start questioning your own sanity and recollection of events, picking words, thoughts, so that they cannot be used against you. It doesn’t sound like you are there.
not really. he could have remembered that you paid him but not that you paid market rate. he may also disagree that you paid market rate, he probably thinks he gave you a discount.
>Is this gaslighting?
I’d say YES [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting)
“Gaslighting is the subjective experience in which an individual’s perception of reality is repeatedly undermined or questioned by another person”
He KNEW you paid (he admitted it) but was looking to make you question your own reality.
Had you not found the invoice, you would have been left thinking you may or may not have paid and yet he knew you did.
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>He said he didn’t remember.
His memory seems rather selective…