I’m a married woman with kids. Recently (about two years) I got new neighbors that are a family of 5.
The man of this family is unlike any guy I had ever met in my life. His physical characteristics are not really anything special. I mean, he’s tall and handsome, but definitely not someone I’d give any attention to at face value.
This guy though, he’s such an amazing family man! He seems to almost be perfect, which I know isn’t possible.
He’s the kind of crazy person that gets up at like 4am to go exercise and spends the rest of his morning devoted to his family untill he needs to work. Here is what I’ve gathered over the last year of getting to know him:
-He spends time with his kids and wife taking them on walks or bike rides when they’re up at 7am!
-He periodically takes breaks throughout the day to be take over watching the kids so that his wife can go to the gym or just have a mental break
-He’s an amazing neighbor always lending a helping hand to us, or other neighbors
-He’s a computer guy, but great with his hands and has made all of his neighbors cutting boards, or wooden toys for the kids. When we moved it the family gifted us some dessert and pulling duck/duckling toy for our kids
-I think they are church goers since they’re all dressed up on Sunday mornings
-When I was expecting and my husband was out of town, he involuntarily mowed our yard a few times
-He’s like the social butterfly of the street and remembers everyone’s names and the latest happenings and remembers to follow up with sincere questions
-He helps and partners with his wife with EVERYTHING
-He is Mr. DIY
It’s as if this guy’s extremely selfless with his time. I had my husband ask about it once and he said:
My me time is between 3:30-6 am. It’s when the world is sleeping and I can tune out the distractions of everyday life and focus on what my needs and the needs of the world around me are. But I’ll go out out once every couple weeks to get a beer with some friends and shoot the breeze.
Anyway, all this to say. These are all qualities that my husband does not have that I desperately wish he did. Don’t get me wrong, he devotes time to our family, but I guess it’s just been on a normal level
I am finding myself attracted to my neighbor and I can’t help but to be jealous of his wife for having such a great guy. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve fantasized about him, gone out of my way to try and talk to him, have begun just sitting outside in my porch when he’s mowing his yard. It’s getting bad. I’ve started to dress a little more sexy trying to get his attention.
I wouldn’t cheat physically. But I’m totally cheating emotionally. What should I do?
33 comments
It’s been almost two years.
Well it is natural for you to feel the way you do.
Not sure if you’re cheating emotionally. The neighbor doesn’t know about your secret crush right? And he doesn’t spend time or socialize with you alone right?
1. Stop trying to get his attention, he is married…point, blank, period. Be respectful
2. Talk to your husband and tell him everything that is making you unhappy in your relationship.
3. Preoccupy your mind with something that is not your neighbor
4. Try to work on yourself. You are an adult, control your hormones.
Putting myself in his wifes shoes here, they have children, what seems like a great stable marriage, and a life that does not need to be disrupted. Your attraction is just that, attraction its not love (like he has with his wife) its lust. Figure out how to move on from it because the more you try the worse it will get. Stay away
I bet he picks his nose and eats his boogers. He also flips his underwear inside out so he gets twice the wear. 😅 Does that help? At any rate he might be different at home. I promise you his gym clothes smell bad just like your husband’s. Please protect your family and your marriage. You deserve it.
Your crush is such a catch 22 because if he ever reciprocated he’d immediately lose all the good qualities that you find attractive in him because he *wouldn’t* be a good family man anymore.
You have to stop trying to get his attention. It’s not appropriate on so many levels.
You also need to remember that what you see of him is so so limited. You’re seeing the face he puts on for the world.. not the real him. You don’t see him pick his nose or leave his socks on the floor or hear him hocking up a loogie in the shower. Next time you’re fantasising about him think about that.
I think this is less about the neighbour and more about what you and your husband are missing in your marriage. This guy just embodies and personifies what you don’t have so it’s natural to be attracted to it. Don’t feel guilty, but also don’t do anything stupid to potentially wreck his home life in the process. The good news? All is not lost. You sound pretty self-aware and have assessed this situation yourself. Bring it to your husband (maybe not that you fantasize about this guy specifically). But use this experience as a jumping board to begin a dialogue with your husband about where your marriage is. I’d say marriage counselling or therapy can aid here. The key to solving any relationship issue is communication first. You have a decent understand of what’s going on, so the fair thing to do would be to give you guys a chance to work on it. Your husband may also feel similarly about you and things he’s not getting out of the relationship, the only way you’ll know is by talking.
You spend so much time thinking about him that even if your husband were better than this dude you wouldn’t notice. The only place this is going is downhill, so stop stalking this guy and focus on your family. And really, you already changed your clothes to be noticed, what do you think you would do if he really noticed you and gave you attention? You would hurt your husband and your family for some guy you don’t even know but is convinced it’s prince charming. I wish you the best of luck in your choices tho
Your neighbor’s wife did a better job than you picking a partner. Suck it up.
Cheating is an awful idea and cheating with the neighbor might be dumber than having a fling with a coworker. Don’t honk your neighbor unless you’re willing to lose your house when it all blows up.
Reading your post made me sick to my stomach.
You sound exactly, almost word for word, like my ex best friend of my entire life who out of nowhere developed this huge one sided crush/fantasy in her head in the exact way you describe it for my partner.
People came to me saying that she was bragging to others about how amazing of a dad/partner he is to me/our child and how jealous she is because she hates her marriage. People got really uncomfortable and came to me about it.
What I never understood about her crush was if you’re bragging to others about how loyal he is to me/does right by me and our family, what makes you think he would cheat? Wouldn’t that demolish this idea of an amazing family man?
She actually even tried to move into my house at one point but my partner shut it down immediately.
She is currently pregnant with a baby that isn’t her husbands or the man she’s leading on to believe is his child, is broke and in divorce and family court, and is going off the deep end. That’s what fuck around and find out karma will do to you.
I think you need to leave this man and his family alone and stop fantasizing about him. It’s one thing to have a small crush on someone that you don’t entertain, but this seems like you are envious and envisioning this made up life with him in your head.
Please seek help and either work on your marriage or leave and find a SINGLE man to prey on.
If you were a guy, you’d be called everything from a predator to a creep. Pull yourself together.
You only see the surface. A lot of people pretend to be good, and when anything hard happens, they can’t do anything.
He sounds like any father with responsibilities. Seems he’s a devoted father, leave him alone.
>I can’t stop thinking about him. I’ve fantasized about him, gone out of my way to try and talk to him, have begun just sitting outside in my porch when he’s mowing his yard. It’s getting bad. I’ve started to dress a little more sexy trying to get his attention.
>I wouldn’t cheat physically. But I’m totally cheating emotionally. What should I do?
For starters, you can stop with all this bullshit. This behavior is completely inappropriate and disrespectful to your husband and children.
>I wouldn’t cheat physically.
STOP THE CAP. The fuck you wouldn’t. You’re basically drooling over this guy in your post. Going out of your way to try and get his attention. Playing dress up. And we’re supposed to believe that you wouldn’t take him up on his advances if he came on to you? Why do people lie like this?
There’s a saying about there being a woman behind every man. And what’s your husband’s woman doing? Oh just fantasizing about the neighbor and playing dress up in the hopes that he’ll stop mowing his lawn, notice you waiting for him on your porch, wearing more revealing clothes than you wear normally and come over to fuck your brains out. Wow your husband is such a lucky guy to have such a ride-or-die woman such as yourself by his side.
Just tell your husband so you can get a divorce
You’re for the streets
Sounds like you have created a fantasy in your mind about what a perfect man would look like and it just happens to be your neighbor. What you don’t see is how much his wife despises him because he’s verbally abusive but puts on a good show to the neighbors. We’ll never be enough for those who always want what they can’t have, it’s the thrill of the chase until the chase becomes a reality and now families are broken and this man isn’t what you thought he was.
I mean this in the nicest way possible – pull your shit together.
You’re romanticizing a fantasy.
And now you’re looking for subtle ways to move in on this guy with no regard for the lives are going to be destroyed in the process.
*He has a life and a family and needs attention from you like he needs a hole in his head*
You have NO RIGHT to be seeking this man’s attention.
Don’t be a home wrecker.
If you want to leave your husband then do it…but leave this poor guy and his unsuspecting family OUT OF IT.
And for the love of God pull yourself together.
The grass always appears greener from afar. It also may actually be green but just not for you. Stop infatuation and focus on your man.
Way to kill your marriage! Obviously, you don’t care about being married. Physically and emotionally, you’ve already stepped put on the marriage. Dressing sexy for another married man and not your husband. Fantasing for another married man well. You’re disrespecting your husband and the neighbors wife.
You haven’t acted on anything, but the first chance you got you would do something. So let’s save the old I’m married but lines.
What your doing is real trifling. Its pretty slimey to go more than out of your try and talk to the neighbor. Or even have a conversation with his wife listing over her man.
You have someone at home handling his business. So basically, your husband isn’t good enough for you now that you’re obsessing crushing and drooling over the neighbor.
What you doing and your acting isn’t fair to your husband. It’s time for you to come clean. Eventually, your husband is going to notice if he hasn’t already.
What happened to the days when a simple conversation and communication could go a long way. You expect your husband to be mind reader? If you feel he’s lacking in some areas, tell him!!
If you want to or hope to stay married. It’s time to come clean and throw yourself at the mercy of your husband and tell him before another nosy neighbor foes or tells him what you’re doing while he’s at work.
Mrs Johnson is always looking out her window and can’t wait to spill the tea..
Well it’s better to focus on your family and stop being so obsessed with your neighbour and putting him on a pedestal ,my be his life isn’t flawless as you think and focuse on your family and if you have a problem talk directly to your spouse and tell him how you feel and what he can do to help because this will definitely lead you into a bad path for your family
Well it sounds like your neighbors wife deserves all that and you don’t seeing ass your pouring over another man talk to your husband like the rest of us and make the hard decisions that sometimes it just might not be him but you
Sounds like [limerence.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence)
Go see a therapist to help you with your intrusive, destructive thought patterns.
Marriage counseling to improve your own marriage.. You’re never going to get this devoted family man’s attention. His true love is his family which he’s extremely proud of and solely focused on. That shows you feel there’s room for improvement and even feel emptiness and a hole or absence of something you feel you need in your marriage and family to truly be satisfied and happy.
You two need counseling but I’d also look into individual counseling as well. It’s not all laid up on your husband as there’s room for improvement in you as well and he may be feeling the same way you do. You need to sit down and discuss these things with YOUR husband, not your nextdoor neighbor’s husband, and figure out together what’s all lacking in your lives that would cause you to seek happiness and fulfillment and excitement elsewhere.
You can do it and you’ll feel so much better in the long run for doing so even if you don’t get the answers you want. At least you’ll be given directions for the road you need to take towards self fulfillment and happiness instead. Good luck hun, best wishes 💕
Maybe they’re swingers?
This is the beginning of the story plot of The Crush
Anyone on the outside looking in on my first marriage would have thought my (now-ex) husband was amazing. He would help anyone, seemed to be an involved partner and father. He was kind and thoughtful to people in the community. He dressed nicely, and went to church every Sunday. People thought I had it made. I was a SAHM of four children.
What they didn’t know was that at home he was a rageaholic. He would threaten me. He would belittle me. He cheated on me more than once– with multiple women. Sex with him was one-sided (and it wasn’t my side), and he didn’t care if I wanted it. He would yell at the kids, and I often had to step between him and one of them. All four of them have Dad issues, especially the youngest. He was cruel with his words, and stingy with his affection.
You don’t really know what this neighbor is like. He isn’t necessarily the fantasy man you’ve built him up to be in your mind. And blowing up your own marriage (and his) is a profoundly bad idea. He might be the man you think he is– that is actually possible– but if he is, then trying to get his attention will make him NOT who you think he is. Please leave his family alone, and work on your own marriage. The grass is always greener where you water it.
this guy honestly sounds like a serial killer. Someone portraying to be that perfect is clearly covering up some dark thoughts
or maybe he is just into some kinky stuff. but in my experience the more “wholesome” a person is the darker it gets.
Are you a stalker? Why do you know so much about him? Stop being a freaking creep and focus on your own family. Disgusting.
“What should I do?” Grow the F up.
You’re already basically cheating. Turn around and go back.
super impressed with the responses on this one. good job everyone! i actually feel better about humanity for a change.
Sounds like some secret agent from a bad comedy ala Jon Hamm in that one flick a few years back.
Please keep this as a fantasy in your head the reality of cheating destroys everyone including yourself