So this just happened, we were watching a movie, and after we finished, she said, “I wonder if you’re good enough for me” (kinda what the movie was about). At first, I thought she was joking, but she was dead serious.
For more context, she basically told me she doesn’t think I have a future because I wasn’t able to save enough money till now. I’ve been working a white collar job for a little over 2 years now, and I don’t have a lot saved up as I had other expenses. I’m honestly shocked and don’t really know what to think. This feels humiliating as I know my career is moving in the right direction, I’m even thinking about taking a mortgage soon, so it feels weird for her to say that.
We’ve been together for about 2 years and living together for 6 months. We’ve never had any major fights, but this might be the first time I’m actually upset with her. We always split the bills/rent, so I don’t know where that came from, and I don’t know what to think about this. Thoughts?
TLDR: My girlfriend said she wonders if I’m not good enough for her and I don’t know what to think.
29 comments
Either you accept that you aren’t good enough for her, and feel like shit or you decide you are good enough for her and feel like she doesn’t see your value.
Either way sucks ass. Don’t accept a relationship that predicates making you feel like crap.
That feels like a very unkind and unnecessary thing for her to say. If she’s feeling dissatisfied with your relationship, she needs to either a) start a genuine and productive conversation about ways to make her feel more fulfilled, or b) break up with you. Comments like that aren’t going to do anything except make you feel insecure.
Is she good enough for you?
she put a weight on the scale, it’s time to put the counterweight and check who is looking for a future, donating in the relationship, sacrificing something for the two.
Understand my dude life is a marathon not a race and for some people it takes longer and it’s understandable this is just a low point in your life you need someone who can be there for you with the lows and highs what happens if yall are married and you lose your job ? Is she gonna cheat or leave ? You don’t know but her actions right now are not telling me she supports you are your lowest
That’s a truly awful thing to say, I’m sorry. You should let her know how that made you feel and act according to her response. What makes her question if you are good enough for her, but not if she’s good enough for you? What a wild thing to say to your partner.
Possible theory: She’s now in the back half of her twenties and is feeling like you (as a couple) should be farther ahead than where you are. You’re two years into your current career and she’s not seeing much progress, making her think you’re not a great long-term prospect. That’s not terribly fair – you’re a year behind her, which is significant at your stage of life, but it sounds like where she’s coming from.
I’d be thinking that you’re getting compared unfavorably to one or more people in her circle. What do you know about her co-workers?
And yes, this sucks. That’s an incredibly insensitive thing to say to a partner you care about.
China called, and they asked they can borrow this red flag when your GF is done with it.
Your GF has demonstrated through her question that she views herself as superior to you. If you look back, I suspect you’ll find more demonstrations of her view that you overlooked.
It’s my observation that the best relationships have people who look at their counterpart as a PARTNER. They don’t ask, “is my partner good enough for me?”, but “am I being a good partner for them?”
Finally, I sincerely doubt this idea just popped into her head. I can almost guarantee you that this cancerous thought has been metastasizing for a while.
I am sorry about your impending break-up. If this relationship does not end by your hand, it likely will by hers.
Was it a romantic comedy movie? Some women have unrealistic expectations after they watch movies like that…lol. Seriously, though if she can be that swayed by a movie, then she may find someone “better” down the road and break your heart. Why would a woman say something like that? The seed is already planted in her head. I hope everything works out for you and if it doesn’t, hopefully you find a woman that doesn’t follow life advice based off a movie she watches.
Good luck OP
Run as fast as you can. She did you a huge solid by showing you a glimpse into her mindset.
She doesn’t respect or have feelings for you, and will ditch you as soon as something better comes along. I can’t believe she is stupid enough to show her hand….
Lol. I would bump her. If she’s to good for you we’ll go find that worthy person.
Now you know she looks down on you and will trade you in for a “more superior” (in her mind) model if she gets a chance. What you do with that information is up to you, but I’d personally be packing my shit and leaving.
Ok, let’s go with this metric she’s using. What kind of work does she do? Does she have any debt? Any savings? How much does she have in assets? We’re they earned by her or was it a graduation present from mommy and daddy?
Either she sees herself as better than you, or she’s playing a stupid game. Either way, the correct response is to sit on it for a day or two, then come back to her with “I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m definitely *not* good enough for you, so I think we should break up.”
They say you never really know someone until you live with them.
I think she’s not good enough for you.
Tell her shes right and kick her ass out.
“That door ain’t locked.”
Well, I’ll tell you what. If you drop her as an expense you’ll be able to save a lot more.
Don’t waste any effort to prove yourself and your value to her. This is where she’s shown that she thinks relationships involve calculations and balance sheets. That’s some coldness she’s demonstrated.
She’s free to go find someone better. And, hallelujah, so are you.
*”What you said last night was hurtful, it showed me a side of you that I – quite frankly – have no interest in. I’m with you because I love you, not because I think that you’re “on my level” and that I can’t “do better” than you. I don’t want a woman who is prettier and more successful than you just because of those factors; I am with you for you, and you should be with me for the same reason. What you said last night has me wondering if that’s the case, or if you’re just with me to not be alone until you find the next best thing. If you made that comment because you’re not happy with where we are in our relationship, that should have been it’s own conversation, but what you said unnecessary, hurtful and has me rethinking if this relationship is right for me. I need you to be honest with me and with yourself, because I would rather we breakup so that I can find someone that actually loves me instead of using me as a temporary placeholder, and you can go find your greener pastures and hopefully be satisfied instead of always looking for someone who is better off that the person you claim to love.”*
Edit: I appreciate the awards and upvotes, but I actually personally agree with the people who are saying that this sounds too robotic/speculative because it is. I am an outsider looking in, I do not have emotional stake in this and I do not know his GF so I could be entirely wrong in thinking that she only said what she did to tear OP down. This format is mostly just a writing style for me, it’s easier for me to put MY thoughts on the matter down in this way while keeping them organized and (hopefully) coherent.
OP, if you see this comment, whatever path you take you need to say whatever you do from your own heart. Please do not actually use this as a script to read from word for word or as a copy and paste text message. Use your own words, thoughts and feelings, Whether that means touching on some of the points I brought up, not touching on them at all, or even just ending it without a conversation if YOU think that is what would be best for you in this situation.
get a new girlfriend
For some reason she think she deserve your money just because.
This is a massive red flag. Imagine you lose your job or something do you think she’s gonna be here to support you ?… I bet she is weighing her other options.
Tell her to Fuck off and get her own money.
>I’ve been working a white collar job for a little over 2 years now, and I don’t have a lot saved up as I had other expenses.
No 20-somethings that didn’t come from money have savings. The cost of living has grown much faster than wages have.
What she said to you was absolute garbage. Let me guess–she came from money?
I know the joke is this sub jumps right to “just break up” but you really need to rethink this relationship.
Even if she apologizes and takes it all back, which I doubt she’ll do, this wasn’t just a slip of the tongue. This was a peak behind the curtain. This is how she thinks. This is a glimpse into your future. Whatever you give her will never be enough. She’ll always want a bit more.
Is that the life you want?
As long as she’s judging your worth as a partner based on your financial expectations, I think *she’s* not good enough for *you*. You want a gf/spouse/whatever who doesn’t view you largely as an asset in her personal investment portfolio.
*You* honestly sound secure in who you are and your abilities, from what I’ve gauged in the replies. You seem to be comfortable and happy with where you’re at in your life, professionally. I’d discuss what she had said with her and see where that talk leads – record it if you have to so she doesn’t gaslight you. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t see your worth.
Don’t date people who think you’re *less than.* Date people who treasure you.
I had a woman say that to me once. I didn’t hang around to hear it twice. Now I live at the beach, and she lives… well, I don’t really care where she lives.
Tell her to find someone who is good enough. And that you’ll look for someone better than her.
Her: I wonder if you’re good enough for me.
You: There’s the door shit head.