We’ve been together for 4 months now known each other since college—and I’m 32 so college was, wow a fucking decade ago….we share a lot of mutual friends—close friends. So this has added an additional layer of complexity, because I’m concerned about the group dynamic and the fact that she shares everything with many of my friends wives.
Always a surprise to find out someone knows something you didn’t expect them too.
Anyways, the other day when we were out.
We stoped by a golf bar(kind of like a top golf but local)
The lady taking care of us was super friendly and attentive.
At least that was my perception.
Once we left—my gf asked me if I knew the lady was flirting with me.
I told her no, she was just doing her job—being friendly, I mean I don’t think women would be that blatant.
Flirting with someone while they are with their significant other—I mean I wouldn’t.
Then the convo shifted—she said, she thought it was hot.
She then went into how she thinks men are hard wired to want more then one woman.
I told her I didn’t agree with that, she continued for a second explaining her belief.
Then she said I’d actually like to watch you have sex with another woman.
My initial though was, she was upset about the woman flirting—and maybe she was exaggerative the situation to make a point.
But she continued on about how she would want to watch—that she didn’t know if she would want to get involved—-maybe she would.
Before I could say anything, she said she wouldn’t ever want to bring another man in.
Then she said and of course we would need rules.
We talked about this for about 15 mins during the drive, then we got to the next place we were set to be.
This was Saturday—It’s Monday now.
I know I skipped though some details but the bulk is there.
This is uncharted territory for me.
I need some slight guidance.
41 comments
>Before I could say anything, she said she wouldn’t ever want to bring another man in.
This is a lie.
Is this something you want?
I’d say for the sake of your relationship and sanity, don’t do it. Too many hazards here
For one, this could just be a fantasy for her and nothing else. She might not actually want it. And the moment she sees you with another girl it might ruin everything for her
Then, the other issue is finding a girl who is also down with it. I’m assuming her “rules” are something like it’s purely sexual, nothing else. Ask yourself, what girl would be ok with essential being an escort without getting paid? She’s getting nothing out of this, just sex and the risk of drama.
Even if you went through swinger circles, this kind of arrangement is usually offlimits or you’d be lending her out to sleep with another dude as a trade at minimum
Lastly, for all you know this could be a trap just to see if you’d go through with it
First decide if that’s something you want, and want enough for the risks involved.
You know how when you’re jerking off wildly inappropriate things will float through your mind and seem super hot and then you bust and you think “wow, what was I thinking? That would be awful if it actually happened.” This seems like one of those things. It’s POSSIBLE she would really get off watching you but it’s far more possible/likely she’d be jealous and all these other feelings would surface and she’d be mad at herself for asking you to do it and mad at you for accepting and wouldn’t ever be able to get the image of you balls deep in another woman out of her mind.
Proceed with extreme caution.
The odds of this being a fun experience that doesn’t cause massive repercussions in your relationship are slim.
Even if this is something that you really really want to do (and it doesn’t seem like it is, to be honest) think about the negatives.
If it’s NOT something you even really want to do then just tell her it’s not your thing and move on.
Okay,I’m terms of navigating this.
I know talking things out is key but—I feel this a topic best to leave alone until she brings it up again.
Yah or nah?
I had a partner Once who liked a girl and I gave her the okay because man brain.
I didn’t like it. I left “them” and they were living together last I checked.
Fantasy is always better in your head…
When my ex tried pushing me to sleep with another woman, and even hinted she wanted to watch or get involved I later found out that she had been having an affair and this was her attempt to set me up with someone else before leaving me.
Tobias:
You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised… a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed but free to explore extramarital encounters.
Lindsay:
Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias:
No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but… but it might work for us.
This doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing.
As others have mentioned, there are risks, but there are ways to mitigate them. You could start with dirty/flirty talking with her about what you would do to someone. Maybe discuss a rendezvous with that waitress (purely fantasy). You guys can roleplay where she pretends to be some other girl. As you both explore, you’ll see if you’re both still into it. It never even has to expand to action in the real world.
Okay based on my personal experience sounds like your girlfriend has a fantasy about sharing her hot/sexy man with another woman to show off and get off.
That’s fine. It’s a fun fantasy.
But reality can hit like a ton of shit bricks and ruin your relationship.
Keep talking with her. Try and work out what her fantasies are but be very blunt and upfront about your interests and desires. Monogamous people should never force themselves to be non monogamous for their partners benefit. That way resides resentment.
If you wanna be a smart ass you can also flip it on her and ask if she would like you be with a woman instead and if that’s okay in your book offer it up. That’s what I did with my wife when started all that threesome talk over a decade ago and I just wasn’t into it. Instead she has a few girl friends she hooks up with a few times a year if those friends are single.
Cuckholding exists as a kink for women too, so it’s possible she might be into it. But it could also just be that she’s jealous and insecure, so her brain is telling her that seeing it will help her cope with those feelings. Like how nightmares can “prepare” you to face your biggest fears.
If that’s the case, it would probably be a huge disaster that would hurt her and possibly end the relationship. Also, even if it’s something SHE actually wants and it wouldn’t hurt her, you don’t have to do it if it’s not something YOU want or something YOU are willing to risk.
I had an ex that wanted to watch me with another woman, but that’s not something I wanted, so I said no.
Don’t.
Seems like it’s a great way to destroy your relationship.
Your girlfriend may want to have sex with other people/have an open relationship and is soft launching the idea by suggesting you have sex with another woman. Then the field is wide open for her to have an adventure too.
Together for a while now…4 months 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
Don’t. It’s a trap.
For now let this be a fantasy, and if she really wants this she should be doing all the leg work of finding a woman, etc. That’s how you know it’s real. You should be a passive passenger, and your approach should be that this is for HER, and because that’s what turns HER on, and you’re just trying to please HER.
>Before I could say anything, she said she wouldn’t ever want to bring another man in.
STOP THE CAP. OP this is bait. She’s trying to get you into an open relationship by getting you to sleep with someone else first. Once you have, all bets are off and she will have license to fuck whomever she wants.
She likely already has someone lined up and is just setting up the chess board so she can proceed guilt free.
I would not trust it all and would seriously question staying in this relationship
I’d end it immediately. Monogamy or nothing, at this point she’s shown that she’s interested in not being monogamous. If someone even brings up the idea of non-monogamy I’m out. I don’t care if it’s another woman, I don’t care if she doesn’t want to take part, as soon as the idea of a third person comes into play I’m checked out.
Tell her she can dress up like someone else, do it with you, the watch playback on video.
It honestly doesn’t seem like you’re OK with it. That said MAYBE it would work out, but I’d love to see the stats on how often things end badly.
I’ve seen plenty of stories that start this way and end up with the couple breaking up. There are those who seem to make open relationships work, and this seems to be more of a fetish of hers than that since it’s one sided, but both parties have to be on board, and even then how likely is it BOTH of you will continue to be cool with it?
I’d say if anything maybe keep it as a fantasy. Check out women together, let her talk about how hot it would be for you to hook up with someone. Stuff like that. Then again, that may be playing with fire where you two decide to get it and then it doesn’t work out.
This is a delicate situation that shouldn’t be rushed into.
A lot of other posters have focused on the downsides if you do follow up on this. I wanted to bring up the fact that if fulfilling this fantasy is important to her not acting it out has it’s own risks.
If you do this kind of thing start out small, letting her watch you kiss another woman somewhere and move slowly step by step beyond that.
If she can handle each smaller step than she can probably handle the next one. If she freaks out after you kiss another woman then she only like the fantasy in the abstract.
Ex gf thought it would be hot to bring a woman in they did their thing together but when it was my and the others girls turn my gf stared at me the the whole time and got mad at me I ended the 3some and turned into a huge fight so be careful some of these fantasy ideas are a trap and your relationship won’t be the same once you bring others into your sex life
You’ve only been together for 4 months. If it’s actually something she wants, and you’re not totally against, go for it. Try it out. Some women actually really enjoy watching their man with someone else.
If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, and you’ve only been together for such a short time. It’s not like you’re throwing a multi year relationship down the drain or something.
She gonna cheat
Do it. Your in a once in a lifetime opportunity here
Take her to a strip club first. See how she reacts to you getting dances and let her have her feelings while you support her through them.
It’s either one of these with, in my opinion, no in between:
1. She doesn’t know what she is asking for, and once it happens, she will probably regret it, and the relationship is destroyed.
2. She knows exactly what she’s doing she is just setting you up for you to go first. Once it happens, she will claim it’s her turn, and you have no way to reasonably disagree without ending up like a hypocrite, which is her goal to set you a moral trap.
Either way, it’s bullshit. You got into a monogamous relationship from the beginning, and you have to stand your ground about the fact that at no point did it ever cross your mind to change the relationship from monogamous to polygamous.
I absolutely hate this stupid notion that most women have. It’s a prejudice that they think it’s every man in the world’s fantasy to be with two women at once.
It’s bullshit bro and don’t let her gaslight you into a fantasy you never had.
Just because she thinks most men want a threesome doesn’t automatically mean that you have to subscribe to that fantasy.
Some of us men actually have self-respect and self-control and don’t have the need to act like animals waiting for our chance. That’s bullshit.
And you know what? The fact that she’s considering this means that she no longer views monogamy as a viable path for your relationship, so I would say this relationship has probably run its course.
If she insists on going down the filthy path, I think you should take the path of self-respect and end the relationship.
Sadly, you’ve been lured into a trap without an exit. Further discussion with your gf will only tighten the trap.
The only way to win is not to play.
This might sounds really dumb but what about if you tested things out by watching you fuck a sex doll? You can have the role play of fucking another woman without crossing that boundary?
So many closed minded puritans in here. If you’re into it, I say do it. If it doesn’t work out or it turns out she regrets it, you only lost a 4 month relationship. If you’re worried your friends might find out, that concern won’t end here. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and she is a grown ass adult who asked for it. Worst case scenario you are helping someone fulfill a fantasy. I see no downsides. If you really want help navigating this situation you’d be better off going to an open relationship or swinger subreddit.
It’s a trap 🪤
This doesn’t seem like something you want to do first off.
Secondly, your private time will be aired publicly by a partner who doesn’t keep her mouth shut. That should be enough reason to not proceed. It’s already disrespectful she keeps private matters unprivate.
Don’t do it OP. But rethink the relationship.
>She then went into how she thinks men are hard wired to want more then one woman. I told her I didn’t agree with that, she continued for a second explaining her belief.
Then she said I’d actually like to watch you have sex with another woman.
She is either testing you, or has had sex with some guy and wants you to “get even” by having sex with another woman.
Don’t fall for it!
Without going through all of the responses already written, my instinct is to say NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Don’t do it. Even if she says she wants you to do it; even if she says she thinks it’ll spice up your relationship; even if she says “all my friends have done something like this”; even if she says you’re too narrow-minded if you say no. Regardless of what she says, doing it is a bad idea.
If I had a dime for every story I’ve read about a relationship ruined because of having a threesome or introducing a third party into a hitherto monogamous relationship, I’d be scrolling through reddit from the swimming pool of my mansion in Malibu. The moral of the story is this: if you care about your relationship, nip that idea in the bud and make sure it never becomes anything more than a hypothetical discussion.
I don’t know you or your girl but from my own experience this is a possible way for her to feel better about already cheating on you. I hope that’s not the case and you just found a unicorn but do keep an eye out.
If I was thirty two, I would want some solid advice here, and I’m going to give it. When you’re sixty, do you want to look back and think “what the fuck was I thinking?” or would you rather think “remember when I banged that one chick while the other got off watching?” Trust me, I’m there and the only regrets I have are the crazy shit I didn’t do when I had the chance. Man up for all of us.
If you want this relationship to survive, don’t touch this. If she brings it up again a responsible partner would question the roots of this desire.
While not ruling anything out you can open the communication over her cuckolding fantasy. Maybe frisky talk during foreplay, role playing or something else, once you both are sure about the motivation and boundaries this might happen without consequence but my money is on it turning bad.
It’s a trap!
An ex of mine spoke about stuff like this and open relationships etc. Turns out she just wanted a way to make things comfortable with me for when she decided to sleep with other men. A manipulation tactic.