I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a couple of months. Everything is going really well, I’m falling for her hard and she is falling for me. We both feel so incredibly connected and prioritise each other.
We have really good communication and I feel free to raise any questions and speak openly about emotions. I have trust issues from many past relationship betrayals (in other relationships). My girlfriend is amazingly patient and encourages me to ask questions and confide in her if I need to. I am working on the trust issues too, this is important.
But here’s the thing – my girlfriend, who identifies as being gay, is incredibly friendly with everyone. Men, women, young and old. Sometimes to me her friendliness comes across as flirting, but not egregiously. I’ve spoken with her about it and she’s assured me that there is absolutely no flirtatious intention – that she’s naturally like this with everyone, and that she only has eyes for me. For her, it is being friendly, connecting with others as a human and joking around/goofing off.
I haven’t seen her with too many friends or family yet, but when I have, she has acted in these ways with everyone regardless of gender or age. Even with family she says she’s the same.
Some of the things which she does that I’m questioning include:
– making strong eye contact during conversations (which alone I know is just being polite)
– being quite tactile and touchy – for example, touching someone on the arm, or squeezing their shoulders – she says she is like this with family too
– making sex/dirty jokes (which I also kinda do with my friends sometimes)
– making genuine compliments about someone’s character
Once, when we were with a friend of mine, we were taking photos and my friend seemed reluctant to take hers alone. My girlfriend jokingly said (after we’d taken a photo together), let’s take a photo together, we can pretend to be a couple. I didn’t like this, it made me super uncomfortable and I told her. She apologised and said she realised that it may have been insensitive and didn’t mean anything by it and wouldn’t make comments like this in the future. But it made me feel a bit anxious. I asked my friend about this, and my friend said that my girlfriend just seemed super friendly, and while it was an odd comment to make, it seems like just the way she is – outgoing and warm. My friend didn’t see an issue.
The thing is that I really do feel like my girlfriend wouldn’t cheat on me. I really do believe she only has eyes for me. I’m not sure where the insecurity is coming from. But I already struggle to trust and these interactions at leaving me feeling a little insecure.
I’m looking for advice on whether these seem egregious, or whether she seems trustworthy. I really want to be able to relax into this relationship and trust, and perhaps it will take more time getting to see her socialise with more people to feel reassured that this really is platonic for her.
TL;dr: girlfriend who is gay is very friendly with everyone. Sometimes I feel insecure and I don’t know if it’s warranted.
2 comments
>I already struggle to trust and these interactions at leaving me feeling a little insecure.
What are you doing to work on your insecurities?
Your description of her makes her sound like a completely normal, if nothing else vibrant, kind, and likable person. Nothing about this suggests that she is doing anything wrong. I strongly suggest addressing the insecurities you’re dealing with early in the relationship before it causes real issues down the line.