Hey all – one of my friends has his bachelor party this weekend in NYC (I’m based in Denver) and I am dreading going. It’s been planned for some time and I only recently bought travel out of pressure from one of the other guys going.
To be concise, I barely talk to this guy and haven’t seen him IRL since last June ’22. I know all the guys going, we’ve been friends for a long time, but everyone has moved out of my city so I barely connect or talk with these guys anymore. I guess I just feel like I’m not really friends with these guys anymore and we don’t really have much in common.
I’ve been feeling anxious about this trip and now that it’s nearing I just don’t really feel like going. On top of that I recently bought a house so my finances are quite slim to be shelling out money for club outings, drinks, etc. I’d rather just focus working on my house and training for an ironman I’m doing in two weeks.
Any suggestions on how to approach this?
8 comments
Honestly. Just don’t go. Be honest and upfront. You will feel much better
“Hey guys, with just buying a house and living so far away I just can’t make the money work for the trip. Sorry and have a great time!”
Do you want to be friends with them? If you don’t go this is likely the end of the friendship. Personally weddings and bachelor parties are a big deal, so I’d make the effort to go. I think the chances to regret going are much lower than regretting missing it.
You listed a lot of cons for this trip, are there any pros?
Saw this quote the other day that feels relevant:
I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations—one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it—you will regret both. ~ Kierkegaard
Dude, Just tell the guys that are going your current situation. If they call you a bitch for being broke or make fun of you for feeling out of the loop then F em. My guess is that a lot of the dudes going are in a similar boat.
Just don’t go. you can use your recent house purchase as an excuse.
A few years ago I was invited to the bachelor party of someone I’d been close with but who I’d drifted away from quite a bit. I initially was game but as the plan became more fleshed out (traveling to Miami, going to night clubs etc) it became more expensive and less appealing. Finally when I saw “bottle service” in an email I decided I was out. There were no hard feelings.
Option 1 – be upfront about why you don’t want to go and cancel your tickets
Option 2 – lie about why you don’t want to go and cancel your tickets
Option 3 – buy a big jar of CBD gummies and pack your bags
are your travel expenses refundable? I wouldn’t go.
you’re already dreading going, and you’re not even close with the groom, you owe him nothing.