Hi Reddit, I am a female mid 20s and i have been competing in MMA for about 11yrs now with a 10-3 record… but when I step into the dating scene, I have noticed something very odd with most of my relationships especially the one I’m in now.
Back story: Ive always noticed how men would think it’s cool that I fight and they find me very interesting because of it (in the beginning). After dating them for a couple months or even years I’ve noticed they usually begin to have a problem with me going to the gym and training. They usually try to talk me out of doing it or tell me to get a “real job” but I get paid for coaching, teaching, training and fighting. They even go as far to say women fighting isn’t attractive…
Fast forward to now: I am currently in a 2yr relationship with a guy I met at a Muay Thai gym, thought it would be a perfect match…until we moved in together. He started saying how he would rather lift now and how stressful it is FOR HIM when I fight, He wanted me to quit my gym job and go get a normal 9-5 so I unfortunately did. Now anytime I bring up wanting to go train or lift he doesn’t even acknowledge it, he acts like he has nothing to say and scrolls on his phone.
Recently I had Bareknuckle reach out to me with a 3 fight contract $4g for the first fight, 6gs for the second and 8gs for the third. And he hasn’t once acted excited or interested. He basically was mad about it even though WE COULD USE THE MONEY considering I left my perfectly fine job to appease him and now we are struggling.
The only time he brings up fighting is when he’s trying to act like a bad*ss in front of his friends or strangers and even then he mostly talks about himself sparring and fighting…(he’s only had ONE fight & it didn’t go too well).
He brings up other people at the gym fighting and it’s almost a slap in the face because how are you happy for everyone else EXCEPT your girlfriend???
Now I’m sitting here wondering why I’m still with someone who doesn’t push me to chase my dreams… I’m feeling like I forgot myself and who I was for some guy that wants to domesticate me. But, It made me notice that all the men I’ve been with secretly hate that I fight and they immediately try to rip that from me…
WHY?!!!
43 comments
They’re probably insecure that you’re tougher than them. And that you do the more manly occupation or that you’re a better fighter than them. It takes a special kind of person to date a superior female athlete you just haven’t found them yet
Men don’t want their women getting physically hurt.
Women don’t want their man getting physically hurt.
idk he might like you or something and doesn’t want you to get hurt. Or he feels like you’re tougher/better/stronger than him and that emasculates him.
That is sooooo easy. Look competetive fighting guys are yeah competetive fighting guys. They want the be the hard tuff guy THEY want it to be not there GFs…..
Its not like many normal guys dont want to be the tuff hard guy….but with them its just even more extreme.
Similar case with my EX GF….she wanted to be the pretty person but im a good looking guy and i got more attention then her sooooo she hated it.
I know its stupid to be jealous for the person you should love and care but that is just the reality. I dont have it but many people do. I mean perhabs its just feeling inadequate or something like that.
Look you will never be happy with such guys because they are yeah that kind of guys…..
Its the same with women with a good job and so on. People are sadly like that.
I mean to be honest i understand the feeling of not beeing good enough and if this is important yeah….
So yeah you wont find someone like that there.
Those guys are cool and fine “hey you are much stronger then me but im better in ecomomics”” “sure dude you need to help me with my taxes”. No problem there are NOT full of themselves in generall but when it comes to fighting yeah…..
It sounds like they are conflicted, like the idea of a fighter is cool but when reality sinks in they don’t want to see you get injured. It’s probably part of human nature, not many people realize the reality of situations until it’s time to face it.
I have written a long post about this but this also covers this..
He doesn’t want you hanging around gyms where there are guys with high testosterone environment. This is what he doesn’t want!
He doesn’t want you to become the center of attention of other men that he fully knows of are in and around the gyms.
Also the issue is not about the fighting itself or you getting punched in the face but the men in the gyms is the main issue here.
If you were to insist on going to such environments he will break up with you 100%.
He won’t be able to take it. He will see you as a T*** and He won’t be able to take you serious anymore. There is major reason behind it why he doesn’t want you there.
Best thing you did was to stop going to these gyms.. Real talk from a guy who completely understand what is inside the mind of your boyfriend..
I think he is a good guy that he gave a chance meaning to not go there while majority would have bounced because they wouldn’t see you as marriage material
i think fighting is something the majority of men would not be interested in. it will be difficult to find a guy ok with that. not only is it dangerous but they will consider it not feminine so it will turn them off (relationship wise).
its like dating a stripper. many men will be initially excited but inevitably they will want her to quit.
If I had to guess it hurts their ego. You being badass makes them feel inferior. You bringing in money that they can’t may also do the same.
I can’t speak for them but that’s my guess.
It may suck for a while but there is someone out their who would support you and encourage you. Dont have any advice on finding them though.
Why the hell would you leave a job you love because a man feels insecure/doesn’t like it? You’re sacrificing your happiness and financial future for a boyfriend. This post isn’t asking about your job, but first step should be trying to get your old job back. Second step is to dump your boyfriend bc you deserve to be with someone who wants you to be happy, appreciates that you’re passionate about something, and encourages you to pursue your passion.
Maybe a guy who works in a more dangerous occupation would be more accepting of it, but it sounds like you’re running into guys with a lot of insecurities
First mistake was leaving your passion for this person.
Second mistake was probably you thinking he would be the best you’ll ever get, given your occupation and how difficult it is to get men genuinely into you.
He isn’t.
Third, I understand why some men would feel insecure about it. They may even feel like it’s emasculating in a way (especially seeing you’re a better fighter). It can also be true he’s scared of you being hurt, but ya’ll should be more direct about it and him ignoring you about wanting to train makes me think it’s more the former rather than the latter.
Fourth, whatever you choose to do is up to you but please go back to your passions (that you were clearly earning better in).
If you wanna make it work, perhaps you should highlight his strengths (outside of training) and tell him how much you appreciate his skills/talents/expertise. Is he a great cook? Does he help with the cleaning, laundry? Is he a great handyman? Maybe you can tentatively bring up the idea of training together but something tells me this might be a bad idea.
If he’s not willing to meet you halfway, I would rethink this relationship.
Dump him date me?
Honestly dont stop doing your passion for anyone i say take the fights get your old job back and tell him this is how you want to live your life.
Dating a fighter is something most people can’t even begin to comprehend. They all treat you weirdly for different reasons. Now you know not to compromise who you are for someone because ultimately you are holding yourself back for someone that isn’t even supporting you.
Most men just aren’t going to be into ultra-masculine women. 🤷🏻♀️
Don’t give up your dreams for any man, if he can’t be supportive of you he needs to go. ❤️
I don’t think it’s that men are like that. I think it’s that the men you end up with are like that.
We all have our biases/issues. Perhaps something is drawing you to these controlling types, quite possibly with overly-macho personalities.
>He wanted me to quit my gym job and go get a normal 9-5 so I unfortunately did.
I’m sorry but I can’t find a way to understand why you left all that made you happy and that was actually your way of living, you supported yourself from it, and just because he didn’t like it, you gave it all away? Please, love yourself more 💖 Insecure men are not a problem we should be carrying the consequences of.
Sounds like you should be single right now. don’t give up your love of the sport over someone else’s insecurities. We’re only young once. Why not just support your girlfriend. 🙃 waiting until you find a man who will support you instead of talking out of what makes you happy sounds like a better plan than riding the struggle bus with this guy.
I’d love it if my GF was an MMA fighter.
Sounds badass
It also sounds like a weird mix of protectionism and insecurities you’re running into.
The mix of biology and ego never goes well lol
Are men actually this misunderstood? Why is every comment that he feels emasculated or something.
He probably just doesn’t want to see you get hurt. I also fight and have many friends who fight and it’s very common for their significant others/parents/family members to not want them fighting. I’m only doing bjj/Judo Rn and my mom hates that I do it. Is it because she feels emasculated? Probably not. She just doesn’t want me getting hurt. Same with my dad and dates that have wanted me to stop.
It’s the kind of thing that at first it sounds cool to them until you come home with your ear blown up and need to drain it and walk around with magnets on your ears or cuts/scrapes on your face that take a week or longer to heal and they realize it’s not like the movies where you fight then are fine ten minutes later.
Sometimes I am asking myself the same question, why do we put up to such people.
And usually the answer is inside:
Because we grew tired of searching and we stay
Because we think nobody will want us and we stay
Because of background (stuff)
Because explaining all over again what we do and what we like is tiresome …
Never from my past experiences ended well, I got used and abandoned when a glimpse of better prospects came into her life.
Learned the hard way, you should not stay into something that makes you uncomfortable and toxic.
Beside there is out there someone who will appreciate your job and passions, I suggest you reconsider your options careful.
I am not a pro, but I have done martial arts since I was 8 and still do so now 19 years later.
I have experienced similar situations with guys I date or boyfriends. They all wanted me to quit or move on to something more girly like zumba and train less in general to look more soft and feminine. My advice to you: keep your self worth. I found a guy 4 years ago who loves that I do martial arts and is supportive, interested and does not dare to change me about it. He never did any form of martial arts himself. You will find somebody like that too, but your current guy isnt it. Keep your self worth and find somebody who treats you like how you deserve to be treated <3
So I’ve run into this several times, and it’s always insecurity. People fall for you because of certain aspects of your personality and life. They see these appealing characteristics and think that everyone is looking for exactly what they were looking for. Then their insecurity tells them that you need to quit x, y, and z because they don’t want you to be as attractive to someone else. It turns into something like, Why are you always spending time with other people doing that hobby you love? Why don’t you spend less time in the gym? That sports car is so impractical. It only has 2 seats. Why don’t you get something more practical? You sound like a badass fighter that stays in excellent shape. That’s probably why he was into you at first, and now he wants you stop so other people won’t be into you like he was. Funny thing is that once they do change you then they’re less attracted too, and the relationship gets worse for everyone.
One thing is they know/feel that you’ll be around men that are more ‘Alpha’/Manly/masculine than them.
I know the whole alpha thing is taboo, but competition is happening all the time, and there are winners and losers. When he’s sitting at home with his 0-1 record, he knows that at that gym there are more successful and better fighters than he is (which itself is going to be a hit to the ego).
Those are fighters you’ll be up close and personal with, sweating, rolling around. You’ll see them smashing the heavy bag, tapping people out, and maybe somewhere in the back of mind you sense a bit of attraction, who knows.
That’s his insecurity, but it is valid (although it’s his behavior that’s making it more valid), seeing as that’s where you met him.
That said, he’s being shitty and I, too, am wondering why you’re still with him.
It sounds like this man has messed up views towards women. He was initially interested bc you had a similar interest, met at the gym, etc. however, how much of yourself are you willing to give up for a man who isn’t your “partner”? I don’t want a man to walk ahead of me and keep me on a leash, and I definitely don’t want a man I have to tell what to do. I want a partner to walk by my side (figuratively, through life), be willing to have difficult conversations with no phone, someone who is capable of compromise. Relationships are two way streets.
Go get that fight money & lose the dude. Someone out there will appreciate you for who you genuinely are without asking you to change the core of who you are
Because some men hate to see women do something they think only men should do especially when the woman is good at it. He doesn’t see that opportunity as an uplifting one that would reward you both with more money, he sees it as a hit to his ego.
Men don’t want you in the spotlight..no matter how small or big it may be.
Sounds like jealousy. Would urge you to get back on the things you love and enjoy!
I’ll be blunt. Probably They like you but don’t like masculine fighter u.
“I’m sitting here wondering why I’m still with someone who doesn’t push me to chase my dreams… I’m feeling like I forgot myself and who I was for some guy that wants to domesticate me.”
^^^ you aren’t wrong and he ain’t worth it
Look in the mirror. Your problem is looking back at you.
You choose men who do not support you. You stay with them after you have determined that they do not want you to follow your dreams.
The only one holding you back right now is YOU.
So, what are you gonna do about it?
It sounds like you have a very motivated, disciplined, competitive, fighting-spirit personality. If you go for guys exactly like you, you’re going to fight and clash all the time. You need to find a guy with a personality and lifestyle that complements and synergizes with your own. Try dating guys with more submissive and passive personalities.
You dating Jonah Hill? Lol. Men and their insecurity and control tactics.
Just know that men do not change. He will always be this way. Do you want to be stuck with that forever?
Men seek out strong & successful women at all kinds of careers. They will be okay with it for months and then decide to undermine them, sabotage and give ultimatums. It is a power play to and NOT a single one of them have her best interest at heart.
He lied to get you to love & trust him and now wants you to give it all up and lose your momentum. He does NOT love you, it is all about his ego. Then once they bring you down it is either abuse or leave you.
Live your life for you & not a man. Living it for a man RARELY works out well for the woman.
They are jealous of your success. And clearly very insecure
they’re feeling emasculated by you
Former fighter here. This happens with my past girlfriends too. It’s the time commitment of training, the focus involved, and the punishment you endure BEFORE stepping in the ring.
Obviously tough for anyone to watch their loved one get pummeled but it’s the work before too. Fighters have a different mindset it’s not comparable with most people even if they are also fighters.
Find a more mature gentleman that supports you. No different than in any other relationship. Like dating a cop or a stripper. Many people can’t support a partners work and force them to quit. But fighters are different everyone does it for different reasons if your partner doesn’t understand why you NEED to fight then find someone else. It’s in your blood my friend. You a fighter. Go fight.
Best of luck to you.
This has Jonah Hill and Keke Palmer’s boyfriend written all over it.
You can defend yourself better than they can defend you. Screws with their primal caveman instinct to protect women.
It’s what Jonah Hill seems to be suffering from. Hits on and send a Surfer and swimsuit model heart emojis. Starts dating her. Hates on her for being a surfer and swimsuit model. Now apparently is a boundary she is crossing.
It is just insecurity and male double standards
Why are you letting him control your life???? That’s the real question here
First, I am sorry you have to live with this pattern. Men are dating you thinking you will change — and in the very long run, you probably will shift your lifestyle. They also don’t want to be the weaker partner in the relationship. You have to find a guy who doesn’t care that you are a bigger badass.
Ultimately, you deserve a guy you thinks the fact that you fight is hot as hell. You are accidentally dating mean who actually don’t want you to fight. The guy who thinks it is hot as hell might not be your type AT FIRST but he might be the kind of guy you need and deserve long term. To be honest, I picture the guy who thinks its hot that you fight to be sorta weaker than you lol. Ironically, by accepting that you are a bigger bad ass when it comes to a fight, he is actually a strong confident dude.
It sounds like you are accidentally attracting weak and immature men. When I see a girl who does this, usually it is because actually secure men somehow don’t get your emotions engaged. You should work on that because a secure partner will make you happier long term.
These stories are very one-sided, like all of reddit. But if you really believe
>The only time he brings up fighting is when he’s trying to act like a bad*ss in front of his friends or strangers and even then he mostly talks about himself sparring and fighting…
This sounds like the real culprit. It’s actually more common than you think. You get into a male dominated industry, something like finance, spend your days working with a ton of men and eventually you’re gonna date fk w/e. Typical life shit.
The problem is when you out compete, some men just can’t take it. I’ve seen 3 of my female friends go through divorces because it’s “hot” having a dominant and successful women, until she rolls up on you as the next step.
Those ain’t men but scared boys by women that can do better than them.
Please try to get back to what you love if it’s possible, brake up with this asshole though.
And please remember. IF someone doesn’t like what you do, close the door to them
They are actual men out there that would and will be proud of what you do and support you fully!
Don’t let the train leave. Grab it!