does she like me or just being nice

2 comments

1. Maybe it’s normal for her to send deep and detailed texts to people. Maybe eye contact and standing close to people is also normal for her. Who knows.

   The only way you’re going to know for sure if she likes you is to tell her you like her and/or tell her you’d like to take her out on a date. I get social anxiety can make these types of things very difficult for you, but that’s really the only way you’re ever going to know if you have a chance with her.

2. The so prevalent approach of trying to minimize your risks when it comes
   to a specific woman, or women in general, is not a good one. It is
   basically alway rooted in the fear-propelled assumption that it is
   possible to achieve maximum or 100 % safety, a risk-free environment so
   to speak. Meaning, you carefully observe a girl’s behavior, you watch
   how she acts and reacts to you and the accumulated indicators of
   (platonic or sexual/romantic) interest are then used to formulate a
   strategy.

   This is a flawed equation.

   It doesn’t work like that.

   The first mistake that you and men like you make is to believe that it
   is possible to avoid (all or most) risks, that is e.g. the risk of
   rejection and the fear of the consequences of rejection, for instance:
   feeling rejected, feeling sad, down, not wanted, hopes crushed etc.

   It is impossible to avoid those risks. One of the primary rules that you
   should not run from but which you should instead appreciate and embrace is:

   Risk and reward are inevitably intertwined.

   This is especially true for the sexual, romatnic, ralationship dynamic
   but also applies to many other speres of life and interpersonal
   relationships. It applies when you consider creating your own company,
   it could fail. It applies when you take swimming lessons, you might gulp
   in a bit of water and you will most likely feel the fear of drowning at
   least a few times. It applies when bringing forth and sharing a business
   idea in your job, it might be celebrated and you get a raise, or your
   boss doesnt like it or some other employees might think the delivery or
   the content of the idea is less than stellar. It applies when you wanne
   learn wintersports. You will fall and might hurt your butt a bit when
   landing on it and you might tumble around like a snowball and it might
   be a bit unpleasant or your might injure your wrist or break your leg.

   Those are very real risks and it is not possible to avoid them with 100
   % certainity no matter what you do. If you want to learn a sport or want
   to create your company or want to practice playing the violine or boxing
   or anything at all, then it is inevitable to fail on that journey to
   master a skill or to improve yourself or to establish your own company.
   There will be setbacks. Failure is as inevitabla as death. This is one
   of the first and major mistakes that e.g. men make when it comes to women.

   You could wait ten thousand years, observing a woman that actively
   flirts with you, that makes you compliments, that tells you that you are
   great that even reacts physically and blushes and then…..piff paff
   abrakadabra, she rejects you and says with a sad face ‘I really like
   you, but I think it is best we remain friends/I really like you, thank
   you for your interest, that is so flattering but I do have a
   bf/husband/I do have another man that I have started to
   date/etc./etc./endless loop’.

   You cannot minimize that risk, no matter what you do or for how long you
   do it.

   Time is irrelevant in that entire dynamic or risk and reward. Waiting
   will not help you but will usually lead to a man (or woman) heavily
   investing in terms of time, emotions and energy and as soon as we are
   invested it is virtually impossible to not start to cultivate
   expectations. And we will then inevitably be disappointed when our
   expectations are not met and we get rejected for instance. Or do not get
   the job, or fall face down when trying to learn snowboarding or make
   mistakes when trying to apply our new language skills.

   This lesson is so vital for getting girls or achieving anything at all
   in life that I will repeat once more:

   You cannot achieve anything without failing and without losing at times
   or without making mistakes asometimes or even very often.

   Before engaging with any girl you want, you should really try to fully
   appreciate that one first rule that you have to accept as a man. Because
   if you don’t, if you desperately try to avoid risks, this will most
   often lead not into a warm and passionate embrace with the women you
   like, but instead diretly into the friendzone. The friendzone is usually
   the destination of men that cannot or do not want to fully accept that
   first rule of playing the game. They only think that their primary goal
   and motivation is to get this girl but in reality their overriding
   agenda is avoid getting rejected. And thus, while trying to juggle those
   two opposing agendas, they present themselves as friends at best or
   simply as unattractive and girls lose interest.

   If the first condition is met and a girl doesnt find you physically
   unattractive, it is your behavior that wins or loses the girl. Try to
   avoid all risks and drown girls in überniceness, confess your feelings
   (that is a fear move, do not do that) and do everything you can instead
   of actually confronting your sexual/romantic interest and your chances
   are beyond abysmal. And they are abysmal for as long as a man doesnt
   want to accept that primary rule.

   Girls are not like us. Not only are they conditioned to be the passive
   part in that entire dance, it is very often their romantic and sexual
   prefernce that the man initiates. That the man initiates the move,
   escalates physically and elevates the energy from a platonic one to a
   sexual/romantic one. And you cannot achieve that with your words.
   Confessing your feelings is attempt to flip the script. It is motivated
   by the wish to avoid all risks, so men try to get a 100 % confirmation
   first that the girl wants them and then the men can finally act.

   Get that out of your head. If you confess your feelings youre basically
   communicating this:

   ‘I want you but Im too scared to make a move thats why I rather talk
   about my attraction than actually showing that Im attracted and that I
   want you and by doing this I want you to take lead. I want you, the
   woman, to take the lead when it comes to my or our sexual/romatnic
   interest and my or our wish to move things from a platonic relationship
   and friendship to a sexual/romatnic one’.

   You never wanne do that. It tells a girl that the guy is neither
   confident nor courageous. Most girls do not require you to be the
   experienced don juan, über confident and smooth. What 9,8 out of 10
   girls want though, is that the man has at least enough balls do
   something. And talking about your feelings is not really a move. It is
   the attempt to avoid having to take risks. You thus want the girl to
   make the move, to start getting phyiscal, to tell you what to do and
   when to do it so that you do not have to worry about any risks or making
   mistakes. You want the girl to hold your hand.

   Trust me, bro, that is the last thing you wanne do. Even being clumsy
   (but ballsy), über inexperienced (but congruent), even making mistakes
   and maybe a bit akward (but authentic) is infinitely better than trying
   to turn the woman into the initiatior. You never wanne do that.

   Make a real move and let the dice roll. Put yourself into a position
   where you can be rejected directly and you simultaneously also put
   yousrelf into the position to actually win. If you try to avoid that,
   then you will have a hard time to ever realize your potential. It will
   most often than not lead directly into girls friendzone.