I (24m) think i’m falling for someone other (20f) than my girlfriend (23f). This is a throw away account.
Me and my girlfriend have a great relationship. She’s very caring, lovely sweet and beautiful. I truly can’t say anything negative about her. We are together for almost 3 years.
This week i met someone new, who i hadn’t met before. Let’s call her elise (20f). This week me and my GF went to cook on a youthcamp. Elise here is an animator of those kids. At the end of the day we spend a lot of time together as a group. My gf is morning person, and she never really stays up late like we do. This also means that we don’t share much late evenings together…
Personally i love evenings, especially evening talks and such. Now me and elise started to stay awake the longest, meaning we had a lot of time for ourselves, without anyone else. I enjoy her company a lot, we have a lot of fun together, great conversations and laughter.
We are staying awake until 5pm together, because time flies by really quick, atleast that’s how i feel about it. I have a feeling that me and elise are more on the same wavelength, and it’s really confronting me.
The evenings we have together are really amazing, and i have never experienced the inensity of these emotions before. Atleast as far as i can recall… i also feel very attracted to her, while she isn’t necessarily hotter than my GF.
I caught myself multiple times thinking about elise, instead of my GF. My affection and attention has lowered a lot towards my gf. Currently i blame it on the heat and exhaustingly evenings. She knows me and elise get along very well, and she hasn’t said anything about it yet.
When i am with my GF i don’t have the urge to crawl up against her like i used to. But i seem to hunker to do this with elise. We haven’t had any physical contact like kissing and not even truly hugging. Yesterday we were lying together in a big swing, and she did crawl up to me a bit (also because it’s not spacious at all). But i did like this way more than i should…
I do care and love my gf a lot, and would never be able to hurt her. But we don’t “vibe” that well together anymore, or atleast that’s how i feel about it. It’s all starting to be a routine, and sometimes even boring…
Part of me can’t shake elise off, and i like our time together a lot, too much to be good tbf. I will never cheat on my gf since i have been cheated on myself multiple times. But something says that i don’t want to lose this possible oppurtunity. But i am not sure how she thinks about all of this.
Other part of me won’t be able to lose what me and my gf have built over these 3 years. Also my family and friends love her a lot, and they will never see it coming. I would also be devestated to hurt her like hell, because i do adore her… she would be a perfect wive and mother if we were to have children.
And i don’t know if i am looking for advice, or if i wanted it to get off my chest. If you guys have had somewhat the same experience or usefull advise please enlighten me. I can’t talk about this with anyone, and i’m in agony of this dilemma…
Thanks for reading!
Question: is it normal to fall in love with someone other than my gf? What are your experiences in this?
TLDR: basically what the title says…
5 comments
You are not falling in love, you are infatuated. You’ve known this girl for a week, that’s barely long enough to know someone’s last name much less *love* them.
I think you need to take a step back and separate a few things here. You are already feeling unsatisfied in your relationship. Address that first, and on its own. Do you want to work on things with her? Relationships take work. They can go through seasons where you feel more or less connected to you partner. Is that what this is? Or are you no longer wanting to be with her? If you decide to try, cut Elise off greatly.
If you do break up with your gf, don’t monkey branch right into another relationship. No lessons are learned about yourself or your relationship. You need time to reflect and understand.
So, 1) you’re not “falling in love” with her – but it definitely sounds like you have a crush… And that’s dangerous.
2) You need to decide RIGHT now – if Elise hadn’t come into the picture, would you have seen your GF as your life partner? Or is she just sweet?
3) *”I do care and love my gf a lot, and would never be able to hurt her. But we don’t “vibe” that well together anymore, or atleast that’s how i feel about it. It’s all starting to be a routine, and sometimes even boring..”* When they say that long-term relationships “take work” it’s because they do. What are either of you doing to keep the spark alive? What are you doing to “vibe”? OR could it be that you both are actually growing apart (which is ok too if that’s what’s happening.)
4) Until you figure out your feelings, stopppppppppp having all-night cuddle sessions with someone who isn’t your GF. PLEASE please.
Just seems like infatuation. It’s only been a week.
It sounds like you are not ready (or mature enough) for a long term relationship. Do your girlfriend a favor and break up with her before you cheat — which you are certainly going to do. She deserves better.
Break up with your girlfriend – she deserves better. You’d never cheat because you know how much it hurt? You’ve already cheated on her with some girl you’ve known for a week – emotionally and borderline (at best) physically. How would you feel if your GF was having early morning snuggles with your mutual coworker?
You’re a fool to think she won’t find out and your a fool to think this girl you’ve known for a minute is worth disrespecting someone who has been by your side for 3 years. You’re 24 and you need to do a lot of growing up.