Is it bad that im never fully over someone until there is someone new?

15 comments

1. Its normal, wouldnt say healthy. Sounds like you are semi relying on someone else to fill some type of void. Everyone does it in the beginning to some extent, its something to work on as your get older though.

2. No. It’s a distraction. You need to work on facing things and working through feelings in therapy.

3. You’re codependent. Something you need to address and figure out.

4. Not necessarily “bad”. But I’d suggest being single and reflecting on why you feel that you need someone to help you get over another.

5. I am the same….I don’t think it is a bad thing….to forget about one love with another one, is probably the easiest way too. Most people do that I think…

6. It’s not healthy to do. You will just keep having dead end relationships that get destroyed through codependency until you spend some time alone to reflect and find ways to fill your own cup.

7. You’re a person, it’s normal

8. Dunno, all I know is it’s similar for me too, I even like try to keep contact with them sometimes

9. I think that’s normal… I’m the same way

10. That is a sign that you are not your only source of validation. Before entering any relationship, it is best to feel complete on our own, filling ourselves with self-love. And only share with the other person the excess we have. We should always be full on our own. That is the only way to create true bonds and healthy relationships 😉

11. Normal? Probably. Healthy? No. You need some strong independent person training.

12. And for this reason the number one best advice to give after a break up is to WORK ON YOURSELF. You will spend less time thinking of the ex and more time improving yourself.

    It’s not healthy to manifest loss like this op. Learn and grow from it if anything. Don’t become stuck

13. I think that happens quite a lot to be honest. Its fairly natural. I’m ADHD so I ruminate quite a lot anyway. It is what it is. You get used to it.

14. Depends what you mean.

    If you mean you’re still actively missing them and checking their socials and stuff then yeah that’s bad.

    If you mean you occasionally think about them randomly, that’s normal.

    Your brain fills in the blanks a bit with things it knows. If someone talks about their school, you might imagine yours in your head because that’s what you know. Same with that “partner-shaped hole”. Your brain brings up memories of your most previous ex because that’s what it remembers that fits the hole.

15. Not just that, but I was never fully over an ex until I had gotten a new gf that was as good or better… about 2-3 gf’s later. So, yes, that means that, with those interim girlfriends, I would sometimes muse about how I had done better in the past and wonder whether I would ever, again, be with someone as good as that, or if this current gf was what I would have to settle for from here on.

    *Not* healthy, I know. However, keep in mind that I was never using a gf as a placeholder until I found something better to upgrade to. With every relationship, I allowed *that* relationship to succeed or fail on its own merits.