My wife and I have been married for 11 years now and we have a little boy who is midly autistic and 6 years old. My family background is not that great, income from a family which was never financially stable and had a lot of history in lottery based gambling. So one this has been clear in my mind that I will never gamble even if my life depends on it.
However, I have an even worse habit of spending all the money that I earn and have no accountability for the same. I took loans and spent the money on trivial stuffs. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, but I don’t know till date where that money was spent by me. This circle continues till date to the point that my wife has stopped trusting me at all. I don’t blame her. I lie all the time about the money but only about the money.
I have also taken loans from my friends and her friends and hid the fat from her. This hurt her big time. I am not sure if this is repairable or not.
I have tried to get of this. I did it 3 times, no loans or credit cards and then one day my nature gets the best of me and I am back at square one.
I love my wife from the bottom of my heart but this habit of mine has pushed her away and rightly so. With an Autistic kid, I should have known better. I should have tried harder, pushed my self harder.
I need help. Went to a counsellor but he dismissed my concerns.
Do I have no way out of this?
1 comment
It’s great you’ve recognised the problem and you’ve made steps to address it. What stood out to me was your mention of it being in your nature – it’s not, this is nurture from the way you were raised. Similar to kids not having enough food and struggling with weight in the future, this one is about money. Your wife is right to feel like she can’t trust you if you’ve lied and this is important to focus on regaining that trust.
Reach out to places like Citizens Advice or other financial hot lines. Draft up a plan to get out of debt and create a budget – share this spreadsheet with your wife and be as transparent as you can. And stick to it – put things in place to prevent you being able to take out loans if you can. I know there’s places like Gamble Aware, is there one for loans? I know you were dismissed by the counsellor but please try another – it’s definitely worth looking at why you have those behaviours. Good luck!