I’m currently pregnant and due in a few weeks. We already have 2 boys, 6 and 3, and our baby girl that’s coming is going to be our 3rd living child.
From since we were dating, we always discussed having 3-5 kids. So, all our kids are planned and up until last year, we were both in agreement that we still want all 5 kids
We were both excited planning our 3rd baby last year but, unfortunately, our first attempt ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks.
It was devastating for us and I did not cope very well the first few weeks after. I was on the precipice of a mental breakdown because of it. It eventually became manageable with therapy and the support of family, especially my husband but the experience has changed his view on having more children.
I became pregnant soon after the miscarriage and he’s been extremely constantly worried about me and the baby since then. He has repeatedly expressed that the physical and mental toll it took on me is just not worth having more kids. And I get it, I’m in my mid thirties now so while it’s not a difficult pregnancy, I can absolutely feel the difference between this pregnancy and the ones I had for our two boys when I was in my late 20s and early 30s.
But now, he’s just asked me about what I think about him getting a vasectomy a few weeks after I give birth.
And of course, it’s fine and it’s a reasonable decision to stop at 3. I don’t want to have more children anyway if he’s not 100% on board.
I just thought we had more time to discuss it. I thought after this baby, I would just go back on my birth control- which has always been effective for us- and we would circle back to the topic in a couple of years.
I’ve always enjoyed being pregnant and the thought that this would be our last pregnancy is making me sad.
7 comments
What if you got an IUD instead. It works for 10 years and you can reevaluate the situation at that time.
[Another thing, if you’re feeling uncertain, is to have his sperm frozen.](https://www.verywellfamily.com/should-you-freeze-your-sperm-5268058#toc-how-much-does-it-cost-to-store-frozen-sperm)
Three is definitely enough but if you want ask him to freeze some sperm or embryos just in case then I think that’s a conversation that you can have
Pregnant with our 3rd is when my husband volunteered to get his vasectomy as well. We both knew we were done. He got it 2 months before our baby was born.
Never do anything permanent until you are 100% sure you are done having kids.
Have a conversation about why he wants it. Has he been thinking about it for a while? Is there a reason for wanting it? Don’t be confrontational, more inquisitive, and open. Freezing is an option, but it is his choice.
Sounds like your husband loves you very much and your suffering was too much for him. Be gentle with each other. Talk about it often to process together not sway him. Wishing you the best with this pregnancy.