What separates hiding things/being too closed off from deciding not to burden someone with every negative part of your life, to you?

4 comments

1. One is about avoidance, one is about animal conversations that don’t revolve around every belly ache.

2. Intent.

3. A few things;

   * If the things in questions will affect the person/their life

   * The nature of your relationship – are you actually close enough for it to be appropriate

   * The reciprocity between the two of you in general

   * Being self-aware of yourself, the situation and the other persons circumstances

   * Respecting the other persons mental/emotional bandwidth – checking first whether it’s okay

   * Whether or not you’re proactive in self-soothing + improving your situation vs just venting and ranting about every little thing without making any changes

   * Not solely replying on one person to be your emotional support

4. There’s a difference between “I’m having a tough time right now” and a complete rundown of every trauma that’s happened to you in your entire life. There are people who are willing to sit and listen to venting, and people who are concerned but a summary approach is adequate.

   My close friends are willing to listen if they have the time and headspace to do it – we’re all going through a lot right now, so it’s not always appropriate to just vent away endlessly. But I can ask if they have the time and space for me to do it. Just going on endlessly at random at anyone is trauma dumping, and it causes people to back away and not want to spend time with you. Knowing who you can vent to and assuming everyone else just gets a sentence – yeah, going through it right now, thanks for asking – is a good boundary.