A little context: I just moved here from out of state, my new landlord/roommate of two months mentions I have to meet his gorgeous coworker who is my age claiming we were like the same person. He gets us in touch, everything seems like standard run of the mill setup, I had no expectations.
I asked her to the local dog park to get to know each-other, she brought her 5 year old son. We talked for hours while her son and my dog played. I invited them to ice cream which also went great. By this time her son was wanting to hold my hand and such which I don’t think either of us new how to handle. Next day (4th of July) I mentioned I’d be there again and they joined once again. Same thing, we talked for hours.
After this I setup a nice date for two days after with her boss (my landlord baby sitting. We went to dog park just the two of us, axe throwing, a brewery where we had the whole patio to ourselves with lights and a view. A brewer saw us and politely trimmed a rose bush they had and gave it to me to give to her. Had a great make-out sesh with her initiating everything after the first kiss. She insisted on paying for this whole date.
After this we were both obsessed. She was texting me the sweetest things and I replied by reaffirming her how much I appreciated her and how great she’s treated me so far. At this point we had both sent one nude as kinda a tease.
I planned another date to the local lake/beach two days later; picnic and paddle boarding as she mentioned she loves it and never uses it. Had her friend baby sit for the day. It was incredible, we couldn’t keep our hands off each-other, lots of long, silent eye contact and such. I’ve never been a romantic so this was a literal first for me. After dropping her off she texted me saying how she loved it and had such an amazing time. I asked if she wanted to see more of me (as she mentioned it at the lake) which she did and so we each sent a short nude video, which it seemed we both enjoyed.
The next morning she had plans to spend her day with her best friend who was watching her son yesterday. We had a few texts in the morning but I was trying to not seem clingy and she seemed busy so that was it. Around noon she sends this text,
“(my name) I think you are amazing. But I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship… I’m not sure if it because I feel we rushed. Already sending each other things and wanting things. Just rushed…. I wish you the best and it was great getting to know you.”
This was followed by an immediate blocking on all social media and phone. I texted back a very level headed response in just 2 minutes with no reply. I was warned that she keeps walls up, but this caught me 100% by surprise. She’s only been with 3 guys and hasn’t been on a real date in over two years, so it’s not that she’s taking our little time shared lightly. She said lots of things over text implying she would not be going anywhere and that she was the one I’ve been looking for so I don’t need to be worried or keep looking for my “dream girl”. The texts are what keeps messing with my head, when I read them back it just seems surreal and makes me feel like her friend convinced her to block me. I don’t disagree with her that we rushed things but it was a mistake that could be fixed by just taking a few steps back, right?
Curious what the hive thinks here? I have other options romantically but I have never been even close to this attracted to someone. I was and possibly still am determined to do whatever it took to keep her.
Should I wait and try to let her come back to me? Should I leave another one of the flowers from the brewery we went to on her door? Should I start dating someone new while I still feel 100% interested in her? I have met with one girl since and basically told her I needed some time before even talking to her further.
TIA
*TLDR I met the girl of my dreams had an amazing week of dating, then she hangs out with a friend and blocks me cause she “wasn’t ready for a relationship” after literally telling me all sorts of things implying that’s exactly what she wanted. Help lol
30 comments
She got spooked 🤷♂️ one way or another, something threw her off. If I had to guess, her best friend may have reminded her about her proclivity to jump all in into relationships (not that I know that but if she’s only been with three people – maybe it’s like this for each one). You said she has a kid? Maybe this isn’t the first time and she’s protecting herself from revisiting the hurt and disappointment from however the relationship with the father went. I know it’s confusing and fucking sucks. I’ve been in similar situations when I was younger. But it’s best to just move on.
She brought her kid on a first date?? I think things were probably moving too fast. This is for the best
Give it some time and space, and don’t press her to respond if you don’t hear from her. As a woman I would say she’s probably lost in her thoughts and haven’t been treated good in a long time maybe she just needs time to process everything .
Something similar to me happened and it turned out she got back with an ex-fiance.
If you still have feelings for her I’d work through that before moving on to the next person, as it won’t be fair to the next girl… Stay single, figure out what’s best for you. If she reaches out in the meantime, great, talk it out and see how things go, but be prepared that she may run again, if she doesn’t, when you’re in the right headspace, put yourself back out there.
Could possibly be the hat she just was looking for a nice warm body to get over someone else?
Or, she is still is with someone and just needed a bit of variety, or actually it could be explained by a lot of other scenarios
Don’t take it personal
Think of it as a 1 week summer vacation
And let it go
You sound like a great catch
I’m sure you are
Get into you
But don’t compromise
K and p your standards high
The right girl will come along
But you can’t be looking for her
It’s weird, people can sense independence and self confidence & they are drawn to it
But when you’re mind is thinking
“I really want a girlfriend, it just doesn’t happen
Good luck!!
I would definitely take a minute and just process what you’re feeling. I wouldn’t contact her or leave anything on her door. Give her space and respect that.
She probably got overwhelmed or scared about how fast things were going. It’s best to just wait a little bit, and if she doesn’t contact you, move on. It’s a cruddy situation, but you didn’t do her wrong or anything. Things just went too fast between you and her.
Honestly she sounds a bit nuts. The fact that’s she brought her five year old on a first date would raise some red flags with me.. she’s not thinking of the child’s well being. Her hot and cold either says she doesn’t have her stuff together and got scared. It may or may not have anything to do with you but the blocking says she’s not interested. Sorry
Oh boy, I’m sorry this happened! I’m a girl, so if you really want to take a chance on this… just don’t contact her now, don’t do the rose thing or try to reach. People don’t miss what is still there and if she is on a super heavy mind now and you are present pushy pushy, she will react wrongly. Don’t stop your life for her, let things settle, both for moving on and keep on living your amazing life and someday meeting someone that is better for you, or to her to make up her mind on her own pace. You are amazing.
That’s way too much in one week.
Well… you have a couple of choices. You chalk it up as lesson learned and move on. But from the way it sounds you’re feeling some deep connection with her. She needs space. Give it to her. But keep contact, but from afar. (You’ll find a way)
Let the roommate know you’re still thinking of her, assuming they’ll relay the message.
Best of luck
Maybe give it a little time. Weather she comes back or not. Give yourself time to maybe see if she comes back, but also, if she doesn’t, you shouldn’t get into a relationship with someone else until you’re ready for that. If you still feel 100% interested in her, all you’re going to do for the next girl is make her wonder why she isn’t good enough, and you sound like you don’t wanna be that kind of guy.
Don’t be stuck on her. Work on yourself. You’ll find someone, when you’re not looking. Weather that’s her & she comes back, or it’s someone completely different.
This is just speculation based on what all my girl friends and girlfriends have mentioned around me… usually there is at least one “best friend” in every group that torpedos everyone’s relationships (emotional abuser). It’s possible you did nothing wrong, but her background/friendship leads her to be easily persuaded by her friend. Honestly it’s probably for the best… no matter how amazing she is, if she can be so easily persuaded over literally nothing than it’s probably best to find this out now instead of further down the line. Hopefully she will mature and make decisions for herself but she has already poisoned the well with you. Sorry bud…
I think it’s absolutely fair and positive for you to continue dating other people. You got excited about your connection with this woman, and that’s a beautiful thing. And also, you deserve to continue on the path of finding love and partnership that feels kind and loving to you.
There doesn’t have to be anything distasteful or dishonoring about you moving ahead.
I’ve also survived a lot of trauma and bad relationships, and I’ve behaved like this woman before. Sometimes a lack of trust in yourself, misunderstandings about how abuse happens, a lifetime of gaslighting—all of it can add up to a reallll mindf*** situation when you start dating somebody you’re actually interested in.
Also, sometimes getting that attention can feed behaviors that are not very intentional or grounded—like the resurfacing of an unhealthy addiction. I used to perform in relationships—like being “that girl” I thought I was supposed to be in order to feel safe around men. And it felt sooo disorienting and was very unsustainable behavior by the time I got into my mid-20’s. I got so good (but was still so stuck in the patterns) I’d intensely date someone for a few weeks and then I’d need to break it off. It was all part of learning how to become my true self and learn how to not lose myself in relationships with others.
I think it’s absolutely fair and positive for you to continue dating other people. You got excited about your connection with this woman, and that’s a beautiful thing. And also, you deserve to continue on the path of finding love and partnership that feels kind and loving to you.
There doesn’t have to be anything distasteful or dishonoring about you moving ahead.
I’ve also survived a lot of trauma and bad relationships, and I’ve behaved like this woman before. Sometimes a lack of trust in yourself, misunderstandings about how abuse happens, a lifetime of gaslighting—all of it can add up to a reallll mindf*** situation when you start dating somebody you’re actually interested in.
Also, sometimes getting that attention can feed behaviors that are not very intentional or grounded—like the resurfacing of an unhealthy addiction. I used to perform in relationships—like being “that girl” I thought I was supposed to be in order to feel safe around men. And it felt sooo disorienting and was very unsustainable behavior by the time I got into my mid-20’s. I got so good (but was still so stuck in the patterns) I’d intensely date someone for a few weeks and then I’d need to break it off. It was all part of learning how to become my true self and learn how to not lose myself in relationships with others.
It sounds like you two had a real connection but unfortunately the only one who knows why she cut off all communication is her. And since that’s her decision, the only thing you can do is respect it. Just know there are plenty of fish in the sea and who knows, she may try to contact you later. Also, please do not leave a flower or anything at her doorstep (I know you mean well but that would be overstepping the boundary she laid out).
You have a mutual friend who may have some insights to offer. I might ask the friend about her in a month or two, if you haven’t decidedly moved on. The blocking is kind of an insult, but it may just be a thing with her.
her loss 🤷♂️ if she wanted to be with you shed be with you. life too short to worry about people who dont fuck with us bro
At least you got an explanation saying she thinks y’all rushed. I think that’s a cop out bs excuse, personally. There’s no time line on when things should be done. If y’all are both feeling it, then you do what you feel is comfortable…on both ends. This has happened to me before, the blocking on everything after everything went great & he met my family. I didn’t get an excuse though but I think it was bc he either already had someone or had multiple someones & he chose one of them instead (regardless of all the things he told my about how he really cared about me, really wants something serious with me, always thinks about me, is comfortable with me, etc.) Ppl are strange. You never really know what the REAL reasons are. If she wanted you, you would know. You wouldn’t be blocked. Know your worth & don’t put up with anyone’s games. There’s someone out there who will let it be known how much you mean to them & they will not jeopardize what y’all have by making excuses & blocking you. And you’ll know it when you meet them. Remember, if you have to get on here & ask random ppl’s opinions on your situation, it’s not the situation for you. When you meet that special someone who is fr fr, you will just KNOW & have no questions about it! Good luck! I wish you the best!
That must be rough, it can be disappointing to feel like you’re responding to social signals correctly, only for it not to pan out successfully. It seems that she is communicating directly, and I will assume, in good faith, that you have been respectful of her and communicated appropriately. It may be worth the effort to consider that she is choosing not to enter a relationship due to conflicts that she must resolve with herself. she may be holding herself back from investing in a relationship too quickly, perhaps a lesson learned in the past. It may be not an issue with your behavior, but a desire to reflect upon her own choices to make sure that she can trust herself. She is a young mother and her choices will affect her child, too! She seems like a kind and responsible person. Good luck with everything!
The sexy vids may have freaked her out, not because of the video/pic on its own, but it shows how fast things were moving, and she was probably unsure of your true intentions and maybe a bit scared that you weren’t going to stick around. Being a single mom, can put you on your toes. You have to worry about the kids’ attachment to someone who may not stick around. THAT’S HUGE. Her catching feelings quickly seems to have been the culprit. A loss of control when you have a kid is not the feeling you want.
On another note, I’m surprised she introduced her son to you so quickly. I know people have their own reasons for doing things, but I kept my daughter away from the guy I was dating for over a year until I felt the guy wouldn’t run on and out of our lives.
She asked for distance, you give her distance. This will speak loads about your maturity and how safe you are as a partner. A lot of people gave you good advice on what to say, but I want to reiterate, you already texted your peace, don’t keep reaching out and don’t ask the people who have access to her about it.
Date around, see what else is out there, and maybe don’t commit to anybody seriously if you want to give it some cool down time to see if she comes back around.
Probably commitment issues 🙁 sad for OP
Well, a couple things.
1. This isn’t a once in a lifetime dating experience. This is just what it’s like to date someone you have chemistry with. There’s more out there.
2. She has a past of abusive relationships with men and is playing power games. You dodged a bullet. Don’t look back, it’ll turn out much worse than you ever expected if you try to rehab this woman.
Whatever her reasons were, she made a choice and you have to accept that. If you let something go and it does not come back, it was not meant for you. Besides, most women find clingy men highly unattractive. Send her a letter c/o her friend and tell her you were saddened by her sudden decision to break it off with you but if that is what she truly wants, you will respect her decision and, if she ever changes her mind, she knows how to reach you.
Go no-contact and be ready to move on. If she likes you, she will reach out.
When someone runs…..let them go.
She blocked you cause she thinks you’re rushing it …. But she’s the one who brought her kid to a first date with a man she doesn’t know 🤣🤣🤣🤣 ironic
I would give her space, but perhaps tell the guy that introduced you to pass on a message, either a note or verbal that you are happy to give her space and you are there if she wants to try again, but slowly this time, but you will respect her wishes and not reach out again unless you hear from her.
I wish she hadn’t brought her son to meet up 1 and 2, I wish you had left out the pic/video as the first is confusing for the kid and the second isn’t how you treat the once in a lifetime love, what’s done is done but maybe adjust for the next time, whether it is with her or someone else.
For your own sake, I’d take a break, because it isn’t fair to date someone while hung up on her
Send her no strings attached flowers a couple weeks from now.
But def go on a date with someone to see if you can take a breathe and think about moving on.
The one thing on this … most single parents will not let their children get so involved from day 1… to me, this is a huge red flag. I’m sure there’s people who would disagree with me. I’m just pointing that that you may have her on a pedestal and she may be just as imperfect as everybody else.