My (f26) bf (m22) sometimes makes me very frustrated.
He had this weird fixation with my ex boyfriend since we started dating. We have been dating since 7 months. When I met him I was single for 3 months. Not a long time, so I was understanding of the fact that my current boyfriend was a little sceptical about it as he did not want to be a rebound.
I assured him and promised him that there is nothing to worry about. I was the one who broke up with my ex boyfriend and checked out of the relationship way before I even broke up.
I never gave him a reason not to trust me. I never did anything shady, I am transparent with my phone and never ever reached out to my ex or even stalked him. The first couple month he often said things like “hope you dont miss your ex” or “in the end you want to get back with him”. When I asked why he said such things he said he was joking…
The first time he met my two best friends, he questioned them while I was on the toilet about how my ex was and why I was in a relationship with him. I told him that I think thats weird and that I dont want him to talk to **MY** friends about my past relationships while I am not there. I felt kind of betrayed by him and my friends as they gave him info on my past relationship.
Yesterday, he met another friend of mine. We met at a restaurant. The minute I leave the table to go to the toilet, he questions my friend about my ex boyfriend. My bf told me in the car when we dropped off my friend. My friend told him that he did not really like my ex.
When we got in the car he told me “I am very pleased what D told me about your ex boyfriend, now I am even more secure in the view I have of your ex boyfriend”
I snapped at him and asked him why the f\* does he always need to bring my ex up and talk behind my back about him. Its annoying and it feels very shady and weird. He said I am making a big deal out of nothing and it was just a coincidence that they talked about it. He then accused me of still being emotionally involved with my ex bf as I reacted like that.
I dont know whether I can live with this anymore. Aside from that I am happy with him. He is a good man, treats me well and we have the same life goals. But this stuff really turns me off.
TL;DR! My bf talks about my past relationship with my friends behind my back and it’s making me angry and I dont know what to do.
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5 comments
Listen, you’ve gotta put your foot down. It’s clear that he’s obsessed with your past, and that’s not healthy for your relationship. Tell him straight up that it’s not cool and he needs to stop prying into your history. If he can’t respect that, maybe it’s time to reconsider the relationship. It’s your life, and you shouldn’t have to deal with someone constantly digging up the past.
Yeah, thats bizarre.
Not sure what to say honestly. If my SO kept bringing up my ex like that, it would not sit well with me.
>He said I am making a big deal out of nothing and it was just a coincidence that they talked about it. He then accused me of still being emotionally involved with my ex bf as I reacted like that.
I can’t imagine remaining attracted to a man who tries to manipulate me like that.
Your boyfriend is very immature. Your 4 year age gap is not a lot in theory but in practice it is because you are dating a very immature 22 year old. He’s clearly insecure and jealous. Is this his first real relationship?
>The first couple month he often said things like “hope you dont miss your ex” or “in the end you want to get back with him”. When I asked why he said such things he said he was joking…
Even if it was genuinely a joke, it would still be a pretty good hint about how this person’s mind works. They shared very clearly that they have insecurities and abandonment issues around exes.
Your partner had these issues before you came along. No amount of reassurance or arguing is going to make the issues disappear since your behavior wasn’t the source to begin with.