I often hear couples having sex daily or every two days at most. For me (man) it would be quite exhausting and time consuming honestly. My gf is very sex hungry but i don’t have the same sex drive as her. Some might call me lucky but it isn’t until you’re in my position that you realise having a nympho gf is all fun and games for a month or two. It quickly gets tiring and I want to spend my life with her.
My questions are:
How frequent do couples on here have sex?
If daily, for the man, how do you maintain your energy and sexdrive?
If not daily, for the woman, how do you manage your sexual desires and how are you dealing with the disparity in sexdrives?
10 comments
I’m married and I do truly love my wife but I wish I had your girlfriend and you had my wife. I’m lucky if I have sex once per month. The last time she initiated sex with me was about 3 years ago! So really count yourself lucky because probably in time to come, you may want to roll back the times when you had sex on tap.
If she’s pressuring you, that’s not OK. Her libido is her own problem to deal with, she can masturbate when you’re not in the mood
My question is how often is she wanting it from you like daily? Multiple Times a day?
I’m like your wife haha it’s hell sometimes, just remember to at least try and please her intimately in some way occasionally and don’t make her feel bad about it. My husband is a sweetheart and I still feel insecure when I get rejected. I masturbate a lot, and he’s bought plenty of toys to make it easier. Still wish I was having more sex though because it’s not the same.
Depending on the disparity maybe you shouldn’t. Having been in a situation similar to your girlfriend, a very large disparity made me feel awful. I felt unwanted and resentful. But we tried for years until we had to give up. I’m not saying this is necessarily your case, but understand this may not in your best interests to keep trying.
But in regards to keeping your energy up, just don’t finish as much. You will be able to have a lot more sex if you just don’t cum, instead you’ll probably get hornier.
I hate a situation similar to yours and I’m the horny gf. My bf of several years used to be a horn dog and we would have sex very regularly in the first years we were together. The longer we are together the less the sex is and it’s very frustrating. He insists it’s nothing to do with me and he just has less of a sex drive. He’s early 30’s so I am concerned there is something wrong with him to lose his sex drive so early. I was a virgin when I met him so I haven’t “gotten it out of my system” like he did.
Honestly sometimes I think about being with another man but I love my bf and don’t want to leave. It’s a hard situation and I wonder if it will be the death of the relationship down the road. We’ve talked about it and I try and tell him when I want to do it. He says he needs time to be in the mood. The other day I came home and he was in the shower and said he got really horny and wanted to do stuff. When we started he lost it and it was hard for him to stay in the mood. He never had problems in the past so idk whats’s going on. He refuses to go to a doctor about it.
Your problem is not uncommon. Most couples have some degree of libido mismatch. My fiancée and I have a libido disparity, thankfully not by much. I like having sex every day, she likes 1-3 times a week.
In general, we have sex 2-4x a week at this point in our relationship (when we first got together it was like 1-2x a day, but that new relationship energy fades over time). We have short bursts (vacations, or just an energy sometimes) where we’ll have sex 1-2x a day for a few days in a row, and sometimes we go a week or two with no sex. It comes in waves.
At first I remember feeling frustrated when the new relationship energy wore off, and her sex drive “declined” to its natural “1-3x a week” baseline, because to me, the early “1-2x a day” frequency IS my baseline. So the first time we ever went a whole week without sex, I was like feeling like she wasn’t attracted to me anymore, or I was doing something wrong, or there was some issue I wasn’t aware of.
Anyway, the way we learned to navigate our libido mismatch is communication, mainly. If I am initiating intimacy, and she’s not in the mood, rather than just saying “no,” she adds the *why*. For example, tired, not feeling well, whatever. It really helps me to not feel rejected when initiating. So that’s something you should probably consider in your own relationship.
We also have a very sex-positive relationship, and encourage each other’s self pleasure as well. So there’s no issues or stigma around me handling my arousal myself if she’s not up for it. I don’t like announce I’m going to jerk off or anything lol, but there’s no problems if I do. I don’t know how you guys handle that in your relationship, but if she doesn’t have a good vibrator on hand, maybe you guys could buy one together. Might take a little bit of the pressure off of you.
Lastly, sometimes we just do one-sided intimacy. Just because my partner isn’t in the mood for sex, doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about my satisfaction. So there will be nights when sometimes she just kisses my neck while I masturbate (she even got me a fleshlight for this purpose), it’s a really great way to stay intimate and connected even when she’s not interested in pleasure for herself (also, sometimes, her kissing me while I handle myself gets her all worked up in the process, and we either end up having sex, or she pulls out her vibrator and we masturbate together).
Point is, there’s a lot of ways to successfully navigate a libido mismatch. As long as you’re both open about what you want, and are willing to meet in the middle, you’ll be fine.
I am the girl in this position and having a hard time myself. Especially when my partner masturbates regularly. It’s difficult to not take it personally. I don’t really have a solution except I keep trying to reverse the roles- If I were the LL partner, how would the pressure feel? And at the same time, I don’t want to have to spend the rest of my life managing my disappoint around this. Wish I had better advice for you.
It’s super common for one person to have a higher libido than the other. Like, SUPER common. The challenge really comes down to communicating about it in a healthy way and then strategizing ways so you BOTH feel satisfied.
Her need to frequent sex is real. And your need for less frequent sex is real. One isn’t more important than the other. Communicate and compromise, find workarounds.
Maybe you can’t get an erection that frequently, or maybe even if you can you just don’t want to. There are compromises! Dildos, sex toys, hand jobs, oral sex… maybe there’s something you can do to help her meet her need while you also get yours met as well?
I wish I had the answer to this. My sex drive is significantly higher than my husbands and we have found zero compromise. My feelings stay hurt.