I (24f) have been with my boyfriend (24m) for a year now. Our relationship hasn’t been the best and I put that on the both of us for multiple reasons. A very common occurrence in our relationship is that he will “break up” with me and will go out and stay out all night long doing I don’t even know what. Alcohol is usually involved and he’s usually with his friends or so he says. That and he will get on social media and add a bunch of girls or like their pictures and so on.
The next day we end up “getting back together” and I am left feel very shaken up because I’ll have to wait for him to unblock me and then he eventually ends up coming over and I’ll see what all he has done on social media. I have asked him straight up if he has cheated on me and he will always say no and he will always us the excuse “well I did all that stuff on social media when we weren’t together”.
My worry comes from the fact that if he will go out of his way to “break up” with me, add girls, like their pictures etc, why shouldn’t I believe that he has done more with a girl in person. He denies it and denies it but I try to explain to him how his logic doesn’t make sense with the whole “we weren’t together” thing because if he doesn’t see that as an issue, then clearly he wouldn’t see actually sleeping with someone else or doing anything sexual because in his eyes in whatever we were “broken up”.
It doesn’t help that he just admitted to me that if he found out one of his friends girlfriends had cheated on them, that he’d tell his friend, but that if the friends were to cheat on their girlfriends that he wouldn’t say anything because it isn’t his business.
If anyone has any thoughts on this please let me know. I love this guy a lot and I just don’t know if I’m letting my mind get the best of me or if what I’m feeling is maybe a gut feeling that could be telling me what I already think I know.
3 comments
It doesn’t matter if he thinks it isn’t wrong, if you think it is. Uphold your own boundaries. This guy seems like a piece of work anyway. This is not what healthy relationships look like. Can you imagine him trying to change this out of his own volition? Probably not.
if he constantly “breaks up” with you and blocks you on social media just so he can go party and perv on other women, he clearly has no respect for you. if i were you I would follow your gut feeling and either let the next “break up” be permanent or break up with him yourself
wow, your BF is an asshole.
now the best advice I can give you, one that helped me in similar situations is to sit down, take a piece of paper and write down pro and cons of your situation. then look at the list and ask yourself if it’s worth it.
from the outside it looks like you are doing somersaults level mental gymnastics to try to rationalize his behaviour