So I (25M) matched with this girl (25F) and we live very close, but in two separate states divided by a river. For the first date I pitched that we meet right over the bridge for her so it would be like a 20 minute drive for her and about 30 for me. She replied with she doesn’t want to cross the bridge especially on a school night (we’re both teachers). So I suggested we meet in a city close to her. It would be the opposite travel time, but she would stay on her side of the bridge. She again refused. Does she really not want to see me? Is this a red flag that she refuses to compromise? Or am I supposed to go wherever she wants on the first date?
4 comments
I would think that’s not a person who’s going to compromise long term. My partner very early on travelled two hours to see me a handful of times because I don’t drive and he commuted. However, at some point I did take a bus and stay with him for about a week because I also wanted to compromise for him.
However, now that we’re closer again. He’s willing to always meet me when I get off work halfway. And I meet him halfway if he needs me to. I suggest being honest and letting her know that you wouldn’t like to commute so far, unless there’s another reason for her not being able to commute.
Does she drive? Would she take city bus/subway to see you? Maybe she’s got a handful of things on her plate and might be very busy with school/work? Just ask her why wouldn’t she commute partway?
Maybe suggest a night that isn’t a school night, since she has given this as her reason. If she is still unwilling to compromise, ask what she would suggest. You can either agree to it, if it’s something you don’t mind, or you can call it quits then and there. There could be other factors, maybe she is wary of meeting someone new out of her comfort zone, and taking her personal safety into account. Or maybe she is just the uncompromising sort, and that should probably send some warning signals.
I suggested meeting half way the other day. She said it was too far for her! She is an hour away. I floated maybe driving to her area on the weekend and she was totally down. She seemed fine with me driving 2 hours round trip while she drives around the corner. Lol I decided it wasn’t worth it. I can’t keep driving to her if we are in a relationship.
From what I read it’s 2 offers vs 0
She doesn’t seem that interrested I guess