Hey Reddit,
Me (29M) and my partner (25F) have been dating for 4 years. But some things have been rubbing me the wrong way lately. She is constantly on her phone. Texting 20 different people for a bunch of stuff al day long. So much compared to myself, that I wonder, “what is she texting about all day?”. But that’s her choice, and as long as it doesnt interfere when I’m wanting to spend quality time with her, it’s okay to me.
But where it goes wrong (for me) is that she’s very regularly texting a friend of mine (S). It started with just a meme here and there. But then she started going for walks with him and his dog and just hanging out at times, without really letting me know that she is/was. And she also talks about me to him. Things that I feel are private to our relationship, or atleast not that i would like her to share with my friends. If she would share that with one of her friends, i wouldn’t mind so much..
Now, she is looking for a place to stay, temporarily, because her roommate is moving out, and she can’t afford the appartment by herself until my place is done (renovation). I already told her, i dont want her moving in with that friend (S) of mine. But i suggested another friend (L).
But today, I find out she messaged S, that i told her i dont want her to move in with him, but that i wouldn’t mind her moving in with L instead, for a while.
But then for some reason, my partner told S, that she does think he is the most attractive of the 2, and if she would sleep with someone, it would be him, S.
I know this is messed up. But i just need a little confirmation it is… Because otherwise, it will be blamed on my “jealousy issues”…
Thanks… And sorry if it’s a bit of a mess and with errors. Typing this kinda quickly and agitated on my phone…
44 comments
I would like to offer my opinion and state that I do not feel this is a jealousy issue. This sounds concerning. It is weird and immature.
Edit: Weird and immature of her, not of you! Sorry about that
Bye Felicia.
He’s going to have sex with her soon.
Yep, that’s not ok. If your relationship is supposed to be exclusive, it’s not ok to tell someone that they would like to sleep with them.
Also, telling your friend he’s more attractive than you? Sharing intimate details with him?
I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up cheating with him or even break up with you for him.
Wake up….smell the coffee…..think the relationship was a dream and move on. The sooner you leave the better your mental health will be.
She’s probably a covert narcissist and needs male attention to justify her existence. Good fucking luck
You have a right to be jealous. There’s some smoke here
So she’s already emotionally cheating on you physically cheating isn’t far behind
I would also say its time for you to end the friendship with this guy for both of you
She’s definitely emotionally cheating and if he’s into her then it’ll turn into physical cheating. Sounds like she’s already planning on moving on with him. And he’s not a friend.
Your gf is wildly inappropriate and crossing too many boundaries. You have every right to be pissed off. Cut her & S off! You cant come back from disrespecting you like that.
They’re going to fuck with or without you in the picture. Get out so you don’t risk catching any lifelong STDs man.
To me, it sounds like she’s monkey branching. She’s found somebody else that she’d rather be with, and she’s working her way towards him. Have you talk to your friend? Is he good with her monkey branching to him from you? Might not be much of a friend?
Dump her, you shouldn’t tolerate this disrespect, she’s looking to cheat on you If she hasn’t already
Saying if I were to sleep with someone it would be him is saying there is a chance
If you want to have fun with this, and she doesn’t know that you’ve seen the messages on her phone, tell her that your friend sent YOU a message saying that she made him feel really uncomfortable when she made the comment about sleeping with him. Tell her that he said that he felt weird about not telling you and felt like you should know.
Also, break up.
That is straight up cheating in my book
Don’t let her move in with you end it. Tell Friend if he sleeps with her the friendship is over. Have you asked him why he texts her regular I never contact my husband friends unless it’s about group functions.
Sounds like he already is sleeping with. The only way to be sure is check her phone. Your gf sounds like a user she can’t afford rent moves in with you while flirting with your friend. She is not long term goals.
She’ll cheat sooner or later.
Son, you don’t have “jealousy issues”. You have “girlfriend is a cheating hussy issues”.
If you want to end the relationship over this, its not a debate. So she can say its a “jealousy issue” if she wants, but end it anyway.
Sounds like she doesn’t respect your 4 years together, as she is emotionally cheating on you (at the very least, she could have physically cheated on you, too) and then being completely disrespectful of your information shared with her in PRIVATE to share with her emotional affair partner.
People in relationships should never say anything near what she said about S, saying someone is attractive and you’d sleep with them is quite frankly disgusting while in a relationship.
I would have some self-respect and communicate your feelings and dump her. She has clearly ignored your concerns, disrespected you and emotionally cheated on you with S. Cut them both out of your life, they’re not worth it.
She’s fishing to see if the other guy is open to an affair. Or it may already have started. She’s the type to look for affirmation from many people by the sound of it. Not sure your gf should stay your gf. Lots of red flags and probably she crossed some boundaries. I think you need to plan your exit.
Bro u need to cut bait and run. At minimum she’s having an emotional affair at max, theyre physical. She’s hiding hanging out with him, lying to u, and basically telling him if he makes a move she’d accept it. What more do you need? She’s dating him and has security with u. Pierce the affair fog, nuke the thing. Tell her your done, confront your so called friend and tell him to piss off. Actions need to have consequences.
End the relationship and also consider how much of a friend S really is.
Nope she sounds shady. And the typical gaslighting they do has you more concerned of being called jealous than you are of actually finding out what’s she up to. Stop worrying about the bs labels like jealous or insecure, and start lkn at her phone.
In my opinion it doesnt sound like jealous. It sounds like you have some very serious concerns that your partner has helped create. Theres the possibility of a possible emotional affair forming, if it already hasn’t, which when you add in the close proximity they’ll be in should they start cohabiting then it’s a recipe for something physical to happen.
Add in the fact that shes said she’d sleep with him, hypothetically or not. Shes made that statement so theres intent there straight away. Add everything up, her statement, the dog walks, constant messaging, the sudden idea of cohabitation, they’ll have the opportunity and time to cheat on you. I think you either need to sit her down and have a serious conversation with her. Tell her what you think, explain that you consider it inappropriate for her to discuss issues you consider personal with your friend and spell out your concerns to her. If she truely cares about you, she’ll listen and accept them.
He’s trying to sleep with her, 100%. And she’s interested. I’d drop both of them immediately and move on with my life.
Bro! I watched a video recently of a woman explaining that cheating isn’t** just physical but it’s also actions they do around other people that would make you SO uncomfortable, like going on ‘date’ like activities with a friend of the opposite gender. You need to set your boundaries FIRM. As a guy I totally understand it’s hard to do this because as men were expected to respect every boundary a woman sets but the moment we voice our boundaries we’re labelled as controlling, toxic or overreacting to the situation. You need to seriously speak to her and make it extremely clear, if she has any other reaction other than understanding, respect and apologetic I’m sorry to say but she doesn’t have you in her best interest and you’re better calling it off. Relationships are built on understand and mutual respect of each other. A relationship where one or both individuals don’t feel like this is doomed to fail. I wish you luck
It’s over bud, She’s already making moves to sleep with the other guy. Just cut your losses and save yourself from more hurt.
Break up.
I hate when shit like this happens deep into relationships. For fucks sake ppl if you’re not happy then leave them. Sorry OP
get rid of her and him
You need to break up with her and drop the friend too, they will fuck soon I guarantee it.
Leave already….
This is not jealousy issue. Your gf hangs our with you male friend alone and doesnt tell you where she is?? Texts him that he is the most attractive and she would sleep with him?? She sleeps with you, she doesnt need to sleep with him lol.
Know your worth and break up with her. No woman who is interested only in her bf would text other guys that she would sleep with them.
Info: is there a reason you sound almost scared to even point fingers at her for doing something that’s not comfortable for you..?! Does she tend to turn things back on you or something..?
Well she is ALREADY having an emotional affair with S. Now she is telling him that given a choice she would sleep with him. This WILL turn into a physical affair soon. I would dump her now for not being mature enough to realize the boundaries she’s already broken (talking about your relationship to another guy, telling him she finds him attractive, etc). It’s not YOUR jealousy issues it’s HER IMMATURITY/UNTRUSTWORTHY issues.
Your “friend” S isn’t your friend, he is working on your girl!!! The ONLY way to salvage this relationship is for her to go NO CONTACT with S. But, I personally don’t think it’s worth it since she will try to gaslight you for being “jealous” of S!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Bro, she’s gonna cheat. Eventually, she will.
Whenever it starts like that, it ends with cheating EVERYTIME
What a Cunt of a woman.
There are no hypotheticals that’s what she wants.
So, when I met my wife, she was dating someone else. Our chemistry was undeniable and we were immediately drawn to each other. She didn’t violate the boundaries of her relationship with the other guy like your gf seems to be doing, though, because she has integrity. She didn’t tell me private shit, she would only talk about surface level stuff or the things she’s open about with all her friends. We didn’t hang out alone and she certainly wouldn’t have stayed with me if she needed a place to stay. Was I the reason she dumped her boyfriend? Yes, absolutely. But she was a paragon of propriety up until she did break up with her boyfriend. You deserve someone who respects your relationship that much. Dump her and get out.
I know this is unrelated but is there a reason ya’ll don’t live together after 4 years?
She is having an emotional affair and has no respect for you.
Drop her like bad habit
First of all, S is NOT your friend, he’s her next boyfriend. Secondly, you deserve better