Hi, this is very new to me – so I’m not sure how to begin.
I am a 25 year old male, who hasn’t been with a woman since 2017. Even when I was in a relationship with this person from 2013-2017, it wasn’t a very physical one. We barely made out and went down to second base a couple of times.
Fast forward to April 2023, I met this beautiful, amazing woman whom I started dating a few weeks after I started seeing her. She has had a couple of sexual partners in the past and I have not. I made that clear to her 3-4 days into us dating and she was completely okay with taking things slow.
Fast forward to a sometime in May, we were making out – we started to go down on eachother and everything felt very natural – so in the mood, she asked me if I wanted to have sex and I was pretty excited and I said yes. We ordered the condoms and as soon as it came, my erection disappeared. She was very understanding and said we can try again some other time.
A few weeks later, she was at my place and the same thing happened – we ordered a box of condoms and my erection went away. She still said it’s alright and we can try again.
Next time when we were in the mood and thought of trying, I reached out for the box of condoms – when I opened the packet, the erection went away. So now she did feel a little disappointed as to why nothings happening and we had a conversation about it and she said all this should be very easy and natural and she doesn’t know why is it taking so much time for me.
She was leaving for her home town in June – so we decided to give it a go again – this time I was able to maintain my erection, put on the condom but after that the erection started to go away – I tried touching myself to make the erection last, but I ended up finishing inside it. It felt terrible that I couldn’t satisfy her – and finished before her. She was again understanding and said we can try again later
She goes back home, I decide to try and maintain an erection for a long time and tried to jerk off – and I was able to. It gave me back some confidence that I’d be able to do it the next time she was back in town. We were sexting a couple of times and things she said she’d do to me turned me on and I felt really confident.
Fast forward to July, she’s back – we decide to take a trip to a city close by. We reach the city, check in – get a little frisky and this time, never happened before, I finish even before anything could happen. She just turned her face away and went to bed.
Next day, we tried to get frisky again – I am going down on her – I lose my erection – I am thinking because I wasn’t getting stimulated enough – and she thinks I ejaculated and she pushes me away. I spoke to her about it , said she could’ve just felt precum and nothing else.
The next day we try to get frisky again and this time, I actually prematurely ejaculate. And this took a big hit on my confidence. She again just rolled away and I turned to the other side, embarrassed about what happened and couldn’t even face her. Sent her a text about how sorry I was – even though she was sitting literally next to me – we had a conversation about what do we want to do about this and all she said is clear your head – it didn’t happen a couple of times and it’s messing with your head – all of it is mind games.
I started to read a lot of about ED and other peoples experience about the same – but I really don’t know what to do. I really really do want to have sex with this person – she is special. But this is limiting me and it’s building up a lot of sexual frustration between us.
What do you suggest I should do? Visit a sexual therapist? A urologist? Or just give myself some time, and try again? I’m scared I’ll disappoint her.
Any suggestions would help, thanks.
2 comments
Sup bro hope all is well.
for starters, don’t stress over this. thats life, and so it goes.
it’s unfortunate you can’t stay hard, but maybe there is a deeper meaning behind it. do you watch too much porn? do you think about someone else? what is your thought process before putting on the condom? are you too in your head?
I would think this is more of a psychological problem than a physical one. You’re able to get hard at times- so your dick isn’t the issue.
there are drugs that can help you stay hard- but imo drugs are never the way.
I think the frustration is really getting to you in these moments. lots of pressure. obviously easier said than done but try not to get to into your head. maybe play some music and try and listen to lyrics durring sex. sometimes i try to multiply numbers in my head lol.
Anyway- lmk with follow ups.
Can you practice putting on a condom when you’re alone and trying to maintain an erection? Perhaps you associate the condom with a high pressure situation and you need to desensitize yourself.