I’m not sure how I should approach this: I (30F) make 4x as much money as my boyfriend (32M) of 8 months. I purchase a lot of things for myself, have a lot of savings, and own my own home. We’ve talked of marriage and of him moving in with me.
My boyfriend gets very curt and angry when I refer to something as ‘mine.’ For example, I bought an expensive gaming system and when referring to it generally, saying something along the lines of “I love my gaming system!” he’ll make a curt comment of “Yes I know it’s yours, you’ve made that VERY clear.”
He’s also started making negative comments of how I spend my money, but then has made comments of “getting to use his sugar mamas credit card” if/when we get married.
I feel like I don’t owe him anything and I work very hard, and we’re not married so I have no obligation to his financial situation nor his to me.
What would you do in my shoes?
EDIT: I do think I am having painting the scenario in broad paint. I am biased – I do think he is jealous: We are both from east Europe where traditional earning (man > woman earnings) is probably more of the normal. He is very kind and patient boyfriend, maybe less ambitious as I am.
29 comments
This was the best you could do with the success you’ve otherwise achieved in your life?
He’s obviously bitter and jealous that you make a lot more money than he does. Is there more to this story? Is he struggling financially or having a difficult time?
He sounds jealous of you that you make money more than him .
This is his problem to work out. Like, you’re just stating facts. Does he think your tampons are his too? Or just stuff that he wants to use/expensive stuff? I can’t tell if he’s jealous or what but it doesn’t bode well for a future with him.
I would dump him.
Insecure men are a fucking drag.
I would break up with him honestly.
He sounds like a user gearing up to use you.
You’ve been only dating 8 months.
You don’t live together.
You don’t have a joint account.
He didn’t pay for anything.
It’s ridiculous that he thinks a gaming system you bought is his too!!! Is he dividing it in half when you guys break up?
>”getting to use his sugar mamas credit card” if/when we get married.
If you ever get married he is going to quit his job and become a hobosexual.
>What would you do in my shoes?
Break up.
Do you want to end up with no house, no savings, and no retirement account?
You know what, tell him he has to sign a prenup and he is never getting a credit card, just to see how much he blows up.
GET YOURSELF A LAWY…oh sorry, knee jerk reaction when I saw which sub this was.
If he’s this childish now…it’s not going to get any better. DTMFA.
Oh Jeez. You do not have a boyfriend. You have a leech.
Get him out of your life so you can move forward and find an equal partner who loves you for you, not your paycheck.
You’ve done so well for yourself in life. Why would you settle for this guy?
You’ve only been together 8 months and he’s acting like this? It’s only going to get worse. He’s not it.
I would kick him out. He is 32. You’ve been dating for 8 months. He needs to stop being a leech, grow a spine and be better.
He will become a SAH person if you gave him half the chance and then proceed to make your life miserable.
Feel free to show him this.
DTMFA
My spouse and I are a single income household, therefore we share all the money, there still are things that are theirs and things that are mine.
In your situation, where you don’t even have shared finances, of course the things you buy are your things. If he has a problem with it he needs to work on his self-esteem.
You need to talk about money BEFORE you get married. Do you want to keep finances separate, if so who pays how much towards shared expenses like groceries? If not, I’d very closely monitor how his spending habits change.
Also, you should never have to justify how you spend your own money.
Protect your money, pre-nup definitely. Sort your financials out before you merge, or move on. He’s telling you how he really feels about your money.
My most recent ex used to be like this. He started to call my car ‘our’ car and wanted to use it as such – we didn’t live together, I paid for it and all costs and he doesn’t drive so wasn’t on the insurance or anything. I also got a promotion which put my salary up by over £10k and he was angry that I didn’t spend it on him or give money to him to pay off his debts (turns out they were drug debts, one of the reasons he’s an ex).
It may be that your boyfriend doesn’t really realise he’s doing it, or he could be feeling bad that you earn so much more than him so he’s reacting badly when you can afford things that he might not be able to.
Try talking to him openly and directly about it otherwise it’s going to fester and make you resentful. I had to say “it’s my car” and “why are you so obsessed with my salary and why do you think you’re entitled to my money?” a few times before my ex stopped doing it because he could only say that he didn’t know why he felt that way.
Together for 8 months and he feels entitled to your stuff? Just imagine when you’ll be living together…
Look, you are going to find two types of partners when you make a lot of money and they don’t.
The ones that are secure, and the ones like your boyfriend, who are intensely insecure.
Don’t waste your time and energy on boys that are insecure. They are not worth that investment, because they are just going to make you miserable in the long term. Find a man that is happy for you, happy to be with you, and doesn’t feel like he needs to bring you down to make himself feel bigger.
This person is insecure about the difference in income. I’ve experienced this with a woman who reacted poorly when I mentioned something was mine, which it was. I paid for everything. Still, the deep insecurity the other person has flares up when they see this as a reminder.
I suggest dating someone closer to your socioeconomic background. The difference creates resentment and can lead to the other person abusing you out of spite. Been there, never again.
Sorry Op but this dude is a HUGE marinara flag. You don’t even live together and he’s acting like that? Plus it’s only been 8 months. I live with my fiance and not once has he ever acted like your bf. Our finances are combined but if we want something we get it and if it’s a big purchase we discuss it together and it isn’t because we are asking for permission it’s because we respect each other and also want to make sure we can afford it.
You aren’t spending your money frivolously and even if you were, so what. It’s your money and he has no say in what you spend it on. You don’t live together so therefore it isn’t his business. It isn’t like you’re asking him for money because you spent yours stupidly. Honestly I’d seriously be rethinking this relationship. Good luck Op he sounds exhausting.
If my girlfriend bought a gaming system I’d be really happy. It sounds like your material success makes him feel bad inside. Their is pressure in society for the man to be the provider even today. Talk to him about it. If this doesn’t change and you can’t figure out the boundaries he’s only going to get worse when you’re married so be careful
He’d trying to establish ownership over things he definitely didn’t pay for using rage?
This man sucks. He doesn’t even respect that you’ve got nice things he just had an angry tantrum, how would you have a sustainable relationship with someone who is jealous of you? You’ll forever be walking on eggshells about your money and assets because he’s angry
You need to pay attention to the red flags he’s waving. This is a guy that will rob you blind with no remorse if you stay with him, while making you feel bad for not letting him steal more from you.
Hos probably really jealous that you are able to afford things that might not come as easily to him. Deep down maybe he doesn’t really respects you, and he thinks you’re inferior to him. You just got lucky to be able to earn so much, while he wasn’t as lucky.
Nope. Fuck that cult shit.
Like this sub sees a lot of therapy language, and that’s gross.
This is worse.
Congratulations, you’re the man in the relationship.
If you ever do decide to marry this guy, get a prenup or whatever it is called in your country.
Make sure that should it ever end badly (which let’s hope it wont) he won’t get half your money and savings you worked so for.
He sounds greedy and jealous and I’d be so uncomfortable. I’d break up for sure,
Op, I would break up with him , cause it’s only 8 months in, and already he’s shown that he can’t handle you making more. He’s both angry and annoyed at your success and already planning on spending your money.
Several years down the line , I could maybe understand, but only 8 months in he is entirely too comfortable being jealous and petty.
There is no reason you shouldn’t be proud of your accomplishments and ability to purchase nice things.
If by some miracle you stay with man, please get a prenup, but don’t stay you could do better.