Hi there reddit, I was wondering if I could get some advice/clarity on this. So the first time me and my boyfriend had sex together, he was super rough, choking me, putting me in “p-star” positions etc. He didn’t ask me beforehand at all, and i am into kink, we just never discussed that at all. it was scary at times since i felt a bit like a fucking flesh light, but again i was into it too so idk. I know i should have told him to stop right then and there because i felt violated about it, but it’s different in the moment when a man who’s double your size is on top of you. Do I have the right to be upset over this? I didn’t say anything about it, or set that boundary but it rubs me the wrong way still. let me know your opinions! all are acceptable!
thanks reddit
-ku
6 comments
also, to add on, i feel like he doesn’t respect other boundaries i hold in the relationships and tends to push them so maybe that is a reason why i felt fear about speaking up abt it, i dunno, i need to do more thinking in that aspect- but let me know what you guys think
It’s definitely not cool to engage in sex acts that you didn’t give consent to especially if there is a element of danger. However since you say you didn’t set any boundaries you could chalk this up to a miscommunication but it sounds like boyfriend might have just ignored it even if you did set it.
You need to have a talk with you boyfriend about consent use it as an opportunity to talk about your kinks and where your and his boundaries are. At the very least you need to have a safe word
When I first started having sex I assumed it meant acting like a porn star. I was under the impression my gf liked it because she didn’t say anything and seemed really into it. I thought I was the ultimate stud so I kept on doing it the same way. I finally noticed a look on her face and asked her about it and I was hurting her. She didn’t want to say anything worried about me not liking her. I wish she had said something earlier. Always communicate with your intimate partner
You obviously have all the reasons to be upset about it. One must discuss beforehand what they are going to try and if the other person is into it- especially if you’re going rough. You have the right to set the boundary what he can and cannot do.
You have a responsibility to communicate. He has the obligation to ask permission. The problem is it is really easy to feel like you’re getting the greenlight and go with it without any negative response to slow or stop your actions. I’m not defending his actions, just trying to help you make sense of the situation.
You can’t discuss every minute action but you should be discussing in general whether you like it rough, how rough you like it, specific things that are okay and not. Always have a safe word. When you’ve had enough you can call Dolphin piss and he knows to stop immediately.
I’ve been with guys that were straight away quite rough (I like that too).. but if I felt something was too much or they need to slow a bit I told them.
But they were casual things, with a boyfriend you really have to talk and communicate better